Reality Check: When We Choose To Give Up

What does it mean to “give up”? Perhaps the first picture that comes to your mind is surrender. We’ve thrown our hands in the air, reached our limit, “That’s it; I’m done.”
Sounds pretty negative, doesn’t it?
On the other hand, giving up can be a helpful, indeed a necessary step toward improving our lives. In recent columns, I’ve taken a look at basic human needs: needs that include freedom, fun, love/belonging and more.
To satisfy those needs, we often focus on what we want to gain. What do we need to add to have the life we want? Now, here’s another piece to consider: What do we want to give up?

Many decisions, especially difficult ones, involve tradeoffs. We can have one thing but not another. An easy example is diet: we can have the whole cheesecake or we can have the weight we want on the bathroom scale. That’s a tradeoff.
Tradeoffs can be difficult. Take smoking, for example. We know that giving it up is the right thing to do, but that doesn’t make it easy. What are we trading off? Health versus a comforting habit, perhaps.
Choice Theory suggests that we learn “deadly habits” such as criticizing, blaming and complaining, and that using those habits destroys relationships.
What do you think? Do you know people who use those habits? Do you use them yourself? I think it’s a rare person indeed who can say that they never do.
Choosing to give up even one of those habits could help to improve important relationships, whether at work, among friends, or within the household.
For example, when presented with the opportunity to complain (by the way, there will always be opportunities to complain) we can ask ourselves questions. Will my complaint have a positive effect on the situation? Or negative? Do I want to complain? Or will I choose not to? We can make a choice.
Giving up those deadly habits can help to improve our relationships. But wait; there’s more! We might have other habits that could stand some scrutiny. Are they really serving us? Are they serving anyone?
One habit is resentment; dwelling on past hurts and unfairness. It’s “fair” to say that when pressed, any one of us could come up with an example from our past when we have been hurt unnecessarily or treated unfairly. So the question is not so much, “Do I have a right to resent?” Perhaps you do. However, more useful questions may be, “How long do I want to carry this? Have I suffered enough by now? Do I want to give it up?”
Another habit that’s worth considering for the trash heap is the habit of comparing ourselves with others. It can be hard to give it up! In our connected world, we have so many opportunities to see what other people have, how they live, the exciting things they’re doing. It can make even a contented life look mundane by comparison.
And there’s the rub: “By comparison.” If you set your own standard, decide for yourself what life you want to live, then it doesn’t matter what other people’s lives look like, does it? You can still appreciate their joys, but when you know what you want in your own life, you will not be so easily swept off course when you see someone else’s latest adventure or newest trinket.
Are there habits in your life that would benefit from being tossed out? Try asking yourself: Does this behaviour help me in any way? Is it helpful for anyone else? Does this habit bring me closer to the life I want to lead? Or is it leading me away?
Have you chosen to give up any habits? How did you do it?