The Reality Therapy approach, as structured by Dr. Robert Wubbolding, starts with a fundamental question: “What do you want?”
For many, those wants include benefits for others. For example, I want career success for people I’ve worked with. There’s a troubled relationship that I’d like to see positively resolved for the kids. And I really want to see my friend’s cancer cured too, thank you.
Unfortunately, that list is of things over which I have no control. We do, however, have control over many of our wants, even when it’s not obvious to us. One helpful step toward figuring out our scope of control is to clearly define our wants.
For example, someone may say, “I want to be happy,” or “I want to be safe.” Those are understandable wants. However, what do they mean? Continue reading
Have you noticed changes in your relationships over these past few weeks? With the requirements and warnings to stay away from people—to literally isolate ourselves—we’re no longer getting together for in-person gatherings.
Perhaps you’re accustomed to dropping in for a quick visit with friends or family. Maybe you like to attend community events. That’s all off the table for now, and it could be for some time to come.
We also traditionally gather to mark significant changes in people’s lives: births, deaths, birthdays, graduations, weddings and more. All those gatherings signify turning points in people’s lives.
What do we do when we gather at those events? Continue reading
Work and workplaces have changed over the past weeks. Some changes are dramatic, with workplaces completely shut down. Other workplaces carry on with relatively minor changes. Whether it’s your work that’s affected, or it’s your experience as a consumer, I’m sure you’ve noticed the changes. Continue reading
Many people are now spending more time at home. While that may be with people you love and care about, it may also be in close quarters and for some, it must be quite a change.
There’s an interesting difference between being forced to spend time with people versus choosing to do so.
For example, people vacation together. Sometimes they share tiny spaces: campers, hotel rooms, even tents, and they happily get along.
However, require that the same people stay together in a full-sized house for a few weeks with no definitive end in sight, and the dynamic may change. Continue reading
For many of us, regular routines have been disrupted. It looks like the disruption may go on for quite some time, too.
It’s disconcerting when we can’t go about business as usual. The coffee shop is off limits, so folks can’t meet up with their friends in the morning. Many of us can’t go to our workplaces and do our regular jobs. It’s upsetting, and the uncertainty can be frightening.
Another effect may be confusion. In the course of our regular lives, there’s so much to do. While the things to be done are still there waiting to be done, we can’t do a lot of them now. What do you do when you suddenly have unexpected “free” time? Continue reading
You’ve already heard about the virus. I’ve been torn about whether to write about it. There is already so much discussion, and I certainly have no medical information to offer. What could I possibly add that might be helpful?
However, there are people who are so stressed, some getting information from less-than-reliable sources, and others who have encouraged me to add my two cents. So, I’ll give it a try.
My first point is about fear of the future. Continue reading
Bad news, or the fear of bad news, can take a lot of our energy.
Does that matter? I think so. And it’s not just the selfish sentiment of, “I feel better when I’m happy” kind of mattering, either. The energy we use on the bad and worrying is energy that we can’t spend on other things, like the good and the productive.
Consider your own experience. Compare times when you have been anxious with times when you’ve felt happy, confident, empowered. When were you more likely to help someone else? Continue reading