Reality Check: Expanding Happiness

Posted on September 13, 2025 by RealityCheck

Picture an image of everything that brings happiness to you. All the people, the places, the things, even the values and ideas; everything that brings you joy.
Is your picture huge? Does it contain a wide selection of satisfying things? Or is it small, with only a limited number of cherished entities?
Dr. Andrew Huberman has made a statement that contrasts addiction and happiness. As I have no interest in discussing addiction, I’ll just quote the part about happiness. Huberman says, “Happiness is a progressive expansion of the things that bring you pleasure.” He goes on to say that this takes work.
Oh dear. It’s as if work is always required, even when we’re talking about happiness. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Choosing Our Alliances

Posted on September 5, 2025 by RealityCheck

The term ‘alliance’ is often used to refer to relationships among countries. However, it can also be a useful descriptor for relationships among people, and could even open up a new perspective for some.
Dr. Glasser and others put a lot of focus on relationships. Glasser suggests that love and belonging is one of our most basic needs. He even goes so far as to suggest that dissatisfaction with a present relationship is what brings people to counselling. Relationships matter.
However, for some people, emotional terms are problematic. If you see yourself as a thought-driven person rather than guided by feelings or ‘heart,’ then even the term ‘relationship’ can be a barrier. The words we use matter.
Take love, for example. There are some who would ask, quite sincerely, “What does love even mean?” You may know someone like that! Continue reading →

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Reality Check: To Get Back On Course

Posted on August 30, 2025 by RealityCheck

When events in our lives go awry, we may develop the perception that life is just one bad thing after another. It’s overwhelming.
Some time ago, I asked, “What do you do when events throw you off course?” The suggestions that I received reminded me to discuss basic needs. Are we making efforts to satisfy them, despite the chaos? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Will You Ever Grow, Moso?

Posted on August 22, 2025 by RealityCheck

In his book, “A Set of Directions for Putting and Keeping Yourself Together,” Dr. Bob Wubbolding tells a little story about the Moso bamboo. According to Dr. Bob, it can take years of persistent care and watering of seeds before a Moso plant even breaks the soil. However, when the time is right and the plant emerges, it makes up for its slow start with explosive growth.
From my limited research, I’ve gathered that there are differing accounts about exactly how fast Moso seeds germinate and how huge they grow. That’s probably interesting to those of you who are horticulturally-inclined. For me, what is interesting is a different point.
During that long period of apparent nothingness, things are happening underground. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What I Didn’t Know Then

Posted on August 16, 2025 by RealityCheck

Choice Theory is focused on the present day. Why? “All you have any control over is what you do right now” is how Dr. Glasser puts it in “Choice Theory.”
We can’t change the past, but many of us with vivid imaginations can easily speculate about what would have happened had we done things differently. For example, “Had I gone after that promotion, then I would have moved out west and then I would have met new people and had greater opportunities…”
But, this fantasy cannot be tested because we can’t go back and change what we did in the past! We can imagine a different, more wonderful life, but it’s available only in our minds. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: When You’re Thrown Off Course

Posted on August 16, 2025 by RealityCheck

In our lives, we may have blissful times. Those are the days when everything is going smoothly. Relationships with friends and family are warm and satisfying, work or purpose is well in hand and headed in the direction that you want, you are healthy in body and mind, you have hope for the future, and optimism that you have or can achieve the life you want to live.
Wherever you go, you get cooperation, friendliness, good will. Your expectations are met at every turn. How does that sound? Wow.
However, there are also times when it’s not such smooth sailing, and it can seem to be a very sharp turnaround indeed. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Perceptions and Reputations

Posted on August 5, 2025 by RealityCheck

One upside of living in this internet-connected world is that we have so much access to useful information.
But there’s always a downside, isn’t there? Here’s one. While it’s easy to access information, it’s also easy to produce information. Websites, facebook, forums, blogs, you name it; anyone can write it!
Is the information true? I’m sure that you know that some is, and some isn’t. Our big challenge now is how to tell the difference between the true and the untrue. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Artificially Intelligent Relationships?

Posted on July 27, 2025 by RealityCheck

What if you could create your perfect wife, husband or friend? A buddy who responds in exactly the right way? You’d never hear a complaint. You’d never feel alone. You’d have a companion to make your life complete. Wouldn’t that be awesome?
You see, I’ve been reading articles about people, particularly young people, who are interacting with AI companions. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Is it an Annoyance or an Adventure?

Posted on July 21, 2025 by RealityCheck

Different people, as we know, prefer different things. Some people enjoy spontaneity; others view anything unplanned as chaos and confusion. Dr. Glasser uses the term Quality World to refer to our collection of what we want the most. To use Choice Theory terms, we could say that a satisfied life is when the life we have largely matches our “Quality World.”
How does a preference for order over chaos connect to our Quality World? If you want to live an orderly life, then you want reality to match your orderly, non-chaotic Quality World. You’ve probably taken steps to make that happen. While you may not have reached perfection in your endeavours, if you’ve made consistent efforts, then I suspect that you’ve had some success by controlling the things you can control.
What are the flies in this delightful orderly ointment? One of them, as you and I both know, is other people.
Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Is it Time to Change the Filter?

Posted on July 10, 2025 by RealityCheck

Filters are useful. If we don’t have the right air filter, oil filter, or coffee filter, some tasks just can’t be done.
We have other filters too; ones that we can’t see but that still affect our lives. Their effects show up in our attitudes, our relationships, even how we see reality.
Dr. Glasser’s Choice Theory suggests that while our senses detect sights, sounds, smells, etc., our perceptual system filters that information through what he calls a knowledge filter and a valuing filter. Because there are almost certainly differences between your filters and my filters, we’re working with different information even when we’re in the same environment.
For example, let’s say that you and I take a walk together in a summer meadow. Continue reading →

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