Reality Check: Love and Belonging

Posted on July 6, 2026 by RealityCheck

According to Choice Theory, we have basic needs, and much of what we do is an attempt to satisfy those needs. Some actions are effective; others not so much. Most of the time, we likely don’t think of needs as the driver behind our decisions.
However, there is real, practical value to being aware of those needs. For example, if you’ve ever wondered, “Why did I do that?” then you know that having a way to understand human behaviour, even our own behaviour, could be useful!
Recently, I’ve been examining our basic needs from the perspective of looking at what we want. What would satisfy those needs? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Positive Power

Posted on June 29, 2026 by RealityCheck

The Choice Theory approach to human behaviour includes the idea that we have basic needs. There are just five of those needs, and in recent columns I’ve explored two: freedom and fun. This time, I’ll take a look at another need; it’s one that some people find uncomfortable to acknowledge. It’s the need for power, which I usually express as the need for power/recognition.
Different people have different levels of this need, and we find very different ways to satisfy it. You might associate power with bullying or exploitation. Maybe you see power as controlling others, manipulation, taking advantage.
If you view power as something to wield over other people, then as an ethical person, you may want no part of it. “I don’t need power,” sounds like a reasonable response.
However, we do have some form of power need, and I’m hoping to persuade you that not only is it reasonable, Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Are We Having Fun Yet?

Posted on June 22, 2026 by RealityCheck

When was the last time you said, “That was fun!” Not sarcastically, but with genuine appreciation for time spent laughing. Was it today? Yesterday? Last week? Or maybe you have some vague memories of fun times when you were a kid, but you can’t quite put a finger on anything recently.
It could be that you haven’t had a chance to have much fun for a while. There’s too much going on. So many responsibilities, so much stress; maybe you don’t have time for frivolities like fun.
That lack of fun could be more important that you think. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What Does Freedom Mean To You?

Posted on June 19, 2026 by RealityCheck

“How do you want your life to be?” In these columns, I’ve chosen to use the structure of basic needs as outlined in Choice Theory to help us answer that question. We’ll start by taking a look at our basic need for freedom.
When you think about all the things that you need to feel satisfied, freedom may not spring to mind. Maybe you see freedom as nice to have, but hardly an essential need. Yet Dr. Glasser includes it and if we want to understand how to have satisfied lives, then freedom is worth a serious look.
Different people can have very different levels of the need for freedom, and those different levels of need can cause conflict and misunderstandings, even among people who know each other well. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Could Organizing Your Wants Change Your Life?

Posted on June 12, 2026 by RealityCheck

I have an important question for you and it’s only four words long: “What do you want?”
Perhaps you can easily produce a detailed list of exactly what things you want, what people you want in your life, what values you want to live by, what circumstances you want to be in, and what events you want to see occur.
Or maybe your answer is short and sweet. Perhaps you have only one essential want; anything else is gravy. That is, nice to have but not essential.
It’s also possible that you have no answer at all. There are valid reasons why we don’t choose to focus attention on these fundamental questions about life. Maybe you believe that you don’t have the luxury of time to spend thinking about such things. Or you could be afraid that if you look too closely at what you want, you’ll end up feeling discouraged and hopeless. That’s not going to help, is it?
However, examining our wants can be a hope-inspiring activity rather than a discouraging one. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Those Difficult Thoughts and Feelings

Posted on June 12, 2026 by RealityCheck

When choosing a title for this column, I was torn about how to describe the thoughts and feelings I’m writing about. There are so many possibilities; we could call them negative, upsetting, or troublesome. I like “pesky” but it seems a little too casual for this serious topic. So I settled on “difficult.”
Regardless of what adjective we use, you have probably experienced the types of thoughts and feelings that I’m referring to. Thoughts such as, “I can’t,” “I’ll never succeed,” “Nothing good ever happens to me,” “I’ll never get over what was done to me.”
How about feelings? Again, there are many possibilities: anger, resentment, anxiety, depression, self-pity, guilt. The list goes on.
In my continuing look at Dr. Bob Wubbolding’s, “A Set of Directions for Putting and Keeping Yourself Together,” he suggests that we will have positive, happier feelings when we do regular positive activities. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Positive Physical Activity

Posted on May 25, 2026 by RealityCheck

If you ever have the feeling that you need to “pull yourself together,” then it would be handy to have a procedure to follow, wouldn’t it?
Dr. Bob Wubbolding wrote a set of directions for doing just that. He called it “A Set of Directions for Putting and Keeping Yourself Together,” which I’ve been exploring over the past few columns.
So far, he’s suggested that we start by accepting our current reality (not necessarily surrendering, but accepting). Then we make the deliberate decision to take positive action, both for ourselves and for others.
Dr. Bob’s next direction is called “Positive (Healthful) Physical Activity.” While lots of actions involve some physical activity, it’s interesting that he puts this in its own category. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What is a Positive Action?

Posted on May 18, 2026 by RealityCheck

If you decide to follow through with Dr. Bob Wubbolding’s steps in, “A Set of Directions for Putting and Keeping Yourself Together,” then you may have already made some progress!
First, you’ll have assessed your current reality. That is, you’ve taken a serious look at how things are. You may not like it, but you do accept it.
Next, you make a deliberate decision to act. Great! But act how? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: To Make a Deliberate Decision

Posted on May 11, 2026 by RealityCheck

Last time, I referred to “accept your current reality” as the first step offered by Dr. Bob Wubbolding in, “A Set of Directions for Putting and Keeping Yourself Together.” We have to start somewhere, and current reality is the place, isn’t it?
Now let’s say that we’ve all looked at our current reality. What did we see? My guess is that some of it is satisfying, some neutral, and quite possibly, some areas are unsatisfying. Now what? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Current Reality

Posted on May 4, 2026 by RealityCheck

Dr. Bob Wubbolding is the author of a short, delightful book called “A Set of Directions for Putting and Keeping Yourself Together.” It looks like a child’s book with its cartoon-like pictures, big print, short sentences. But looks can be deceiving. This is a serious work, written by a serious scholar who was the former Director of Training of the William Glasser Institute.
His message is simple: he’s providing a do-it-yourself guide to help people “put themselves together.” That is, to feel better, be happier, get along with others, meet needs more effectively, and increase self-esteem. As if that’s not enough, meaning and purpose is mentioned too! Continue reading →

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