Reality Check: Choosing Our Response

Posted on November 15, 2025 by RealityCheck

Let’s go for a drive together. (Unfortunately, this drive will have to be in our imaginations, but we can pretend it’s as much fun as the real thing.)
We’ll set out on a leisurely trip. There’s nowhere that we have to be at any specific time. No one will be inconvenienced if we meander around the long way to see how the trees look now, how low the river is, and whether there’s wildlife lurking. If we run into construction delays, that’s no big deal. Whoops! We took a wrong turn (it happens); no problem. We’ll figure out how to get back on track sooner or later. It’ll be an adventure!
Now, let’s take a different trip. Same vehicle, same route, but this time, we have an expectation. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Those Conflicts Within Us

Posted on November 15, 2025 by RealityCheck

It’s not rare to have a conflict with another person. Some serious conflicts have no apparent solution; others could likely be resolved if we put our minds to it and strive toward cooperation.
But what about conflicts that don’t involve others? How can that even happen? Here’s a possibility: Think of your wants as pictures. Envision all of those people and beliefs and things that you associate with being satisfied, joyful, contented.
Do any of those pictures conflict? That is, if you satisfy one picture, is there another picture that now can’t be satisfied? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Rock and the Hard Place

Posted on November 15, 2025 by RealityCheck

There may be times when we find ourselves with a conflict so profound, so unsolvable, that it truly is like being between a rock and a hard place. No matter what you do; what creative solutions you dream up, reality keeps telling you that nothing you do will resolve this.
In “Take Charge of Your Life,” Dr. Glasser refers to these situations as a type of “true conflict.” He also suggests that compared to “false conflicts,” true conflicts are relatively rare. False conflicts are conflicts that can be resolved, but often require work that we are not prepared to do. By comparison, in a true conflict, no matter what we do, we are not able to get what we want.
My observation is that true conflicts tend to be conflicts that involve other people, whom of course we cannot control. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: A Fresh Start

Posted on October 24, 2025 by RealityCheck

Autumn mornings are the best in my opinion. The air is fresh, the sun shines; it’s a new day. It could get us thinking that “each day is a fresh start.” Put our past troubles and trials aside; we’re starting over! Hurrah!
I’m sure you’ve seen artwork, posters and probably greeting cards that convey exactly this sentiment: each day is a fresh start. Hey, if it shows up on a greeting card, it must be true, right? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Wisdom of the Second Look

Posted on October 13, 2025 by RealityCheck

When we cross a busy street, we look both ways to make sure the coast is clear. It’s often prudent to take a second look before we set out, as we might overlook a potential threat the first time. If you take this too far, however, by checking and rechecking to make sure all is clear, we may literally never get anywhere.
Still, there are aspects of life that warrant a second look as time goes on. Dr. Bob Wubbolding often used a system to implement Reality Therapy called WDEP. The first element, “W,” involves examining Wants. What do you want?
Just a reminder: wants are not necessarily selfish. We can have noble, even self-sacrificial wants. Regardless, it’s helpful to start by knowing what we want. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Thing About Control

Posted on October 6, 2025 by RealityCheck

A long, long time ago, I was on a flight to Cape Breton for a meeting. Everything was going smoothly. I parked at the airport; had my ticket; knew where I was going and who to meet. I was prepared and enthusiastic about the upcoming work for the day.
Early into that flight, a disturbing thought popped into my head: “I don’t think I rolled up the car windows.” It had been a warm drive that morning, I’d had rear windows rolled down, and somehow in all the bustle and excitement, I could not remember having rolled them back up!
Now what? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: A Simple Thank You

Posted on October 1, 2025 by RealityCheck

Do you offer compliments? If so, is it rarely, only when someone has done something truly extraordinary? Or does giving compliments come easily to you?
Now, how about receiving compliments? Can you accept a compliment without embarrassment, shrugging it off, or protesting?
A sincere compliment is a wonderful element of communication that can satisfy important needs for both the giver and the receiver. Here, I’m thinking specifically of compliments related to actions. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Expanding Happiness

Posted on September 13, 2025 by RealityCheck

Picture an image of everything that brings happiness to you. All the people, the places, the things, even the values and ideas; everything that brings you joy.
Is your picture huge? Does it contain a wide selection of satisfying things? Or is it small, with only a limited number of cherished entities?
Dr. Andrew Huberman has made a statement that contrasts addiction and happiness. As I have no interest in discussing addiction, I’ll just quote the part about happiness. Huberman says, “Happiness is a progressive expansion of the things that bring you pleasure.” He goes on to say that this takes work.
Oh dear. It’s as if work is always required, even when we’re talking about happiness. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Choosing Our Alliances

Posted on September 5, 2025 by RealityCheck

The term ‘alliance’ is often used to refer to relationships among countries. However, it can also be a useful descriptor for relationships among people, and could even open up a new perspective for some.
Dr. Glasser and others put a lot of focus on relationships. Glasser suggests that love and belonging is one of our most basic needs. He even goes so far as to suggest that dissatisfaction with a present relationship is what brings people to counselling. Relationships matter.
However, for some people, emotional terms are problematic. If you see yourself as a thought-driven person rather than guided by feelings or ‘heart,’ then even the term ‘relationship’ can be a barrier. The words we use matter.
Take love, for example. There are some who would ask, quite sincerely, “What does love even mean?” You may know someone like that! Continue reading →

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Reality Check: To Get Back On Course

Posted on August 30, 2025 by RealityCheck

When events in our lives go awry, we may develop the perception that life is just one bad thing after another. It’s overwhelming.
Some time ago, I asked, “What do you do when events throw you off course?” The suggestions that I received reminded me to discuss basic needs. Are we making efforts to satisfy them, despite the chaos? Continue reading →

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