Reality Check: Other People’s Futures

Posted on July 4, 2025 by RealityCheck

We know that we can only take action in the present. Even so, do you find that the future is very much in your thoughts? Why?
If you want to consider a Choice Theory explanation, we could look at what Dr. Glasser refers to as our basic needs. Perhaps you have a strong need for security or for belonging. Your picture of satisfying those needs may well include concern for the future. Perhaps you’re concerned about your own future, worried about people close to you, or fear for others around the world. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Future Prospects

Posted on June 26, 2025 by RealityCheck

We can only act in the present day. I’m sure that this isn’t news to you!
While we can’t act in the past nor can we act in the future, there’s an interesting difference between the two. The past is done and therefore unchangeable. The future is yet to come, but what we do now can have an impact on how it unfolds.
Even though we can’t act in the future, we can affect our future through our actions or inactions today.
Focus on the future can have both positives and negatives. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Pieces of the Past

Posted on June 21, 2025 by RealityCheck

We can only act in the present day. We already know that, but sometimes it helps to get a reminder. Even though we might like to change what we’ve done (because we’re so much wiser now, right?) we can’t undo or redo anything. We can’t go back and act in the past.
Despite that blunt reality, here are a few points that could be worth considering.
The first point: We can act in the present. Even though we can’t redo or undo the past, we can act now in ways that could change the present-day results of past events.
For example, James hasn’t been on speaking terms with his dad for years. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Choosing Feelings, Indirectly

Posted on June 12, 2025 by RealityCheck

How are you feeling? If you’re feeling good, can you hang on to that feeling? If you’re feeling bad, can you change that feeling?
Last column, I said that Dr. Glasser offers an approach toward gaining control over our feelings. In “Choice Theory,” he writes, “…all our feelings, both pleasurable and painful, are indirectly chosen.” However, if you’ve ever experienced unwanted emotions, (and who hasn’t?) simply telling ourselves to choose a different feeling doesn’t work very well, does it?
Glasser tells the story of Todd, a client whose wife has left him. Todd’s upset. Since his wife walked away, Todd has been sitting at home, hasn’t gone work; he just can’t seem to get going. Some would say he’s “depressed.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Present Day

Posted on June 5, 2025 by RealityCheck

We have so many opportunities to find reasons to be upset, anxious, angry, or have other difficult feelings. Your upsets might come from your personal life, from the behaviour of people close to you, such as family, community, or workplace.
If you can’t find enough sources of agitation there, you can always turn on the TV, radio or computer. You won’t have to work too hard to find something to get your blood boiling. If you are so inclined, that is.
Some people like to spend their time in worry or outrage. You can want what you want of course; that’s your choice. However, it sparks my interest when someone recognizes that their feelings are causing problems for them, but believes that they are powerless to change. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Name That Emotion

Posted on May 29, 2025 by RealityCheck

What emotion are you feeling right now? Take a moment; think about it. Is it curiosity? Joy? Sadness? Enthusiasm? Frustration? Loneliness? Optimism?
It’s easy to develop a belief that our emotions control us and that we don’t have much say in the matter. That’s the implication conveyed by some expressions, such as “swept off our feet,” “drowning in despair,” “overcome with anxiety.” It sounds like our emotions are in charge and there’s nothing we can do about it.
If we’re satisfied to let our emotions rule us, then of course that’s our prerogative. However, if you don’t like the way that your emotions take charge of you, then there are some actions that could help. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Whys and Hows of Relationships

Posted on May 22, 2025 by RealityCheck

Relationships are a big deal in Choice Theory, where much of Dr. Glasser’s writings address how to improve relationships. Yet if we look at current culture, we could get the impression that it’s the disputes that are applauded, not efforts made toward achieving harmony and understanding.
Why are relationships so important? There are different theories. I’ll give you a brief look from the Choice Theory perspective. I’ve found it useful when making choices about relationships; maybe it will be helpful for you too.
Essentially, Choice Theory says that we act to satisfy a set of five basic needs. We have a need for survival/security, power, freedom, fun and love/belonging.
You may be thinking that if we all share the same needs and we are all trying to satisfy them, then we would all act the same way. Well, we know that doesn’t happen, don’t we? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: While We’re Waiting…

Posted on May 15, 2025 by RealityCheck

Are you waiting for something? I’ll bet that you are! Right now, I’m waiting for an appointment date, an order that hasn’t arrived, and a clarification promised by a company. And I’m sure that if I think harder, I can find lots of other items sitting in limbo.
We spend a lot of time waiting. We wait for information; appointments; responses. We wait on the phone, on the web, sometimes even in person.
Sometimes that wait is eager anticipation: waiting for a trip, a visit, or a celebration. Other times, it’s anxious: waiting for a decision, an appointment, or a dreaded gathering.
Why is waiting frustrating? You have your reasons, but one that comes to my mind is about those things that we cannot control. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: One Good Thing

Posted on May 9, 2025 by RealityCheck

“Structured reality therapy” is an approach that Dr. Wm. Glasser developed and used for marriage counselling. Like some other aspects of Choice Theory, the process sounds almost simplistic; essentially it begins by having both people answer five straightforward questions.
Simplicity, however, can be clarifying. If we go through the process, that is, if we actually answer the questions sincerely, we can learn a lot about ourselves and the other person.
Last column, I took a look at the five questions as they apply to marriage. However, this structured approach can be helpful for many situations, not just marriage. One question in particular stands out as a potentially powerful way to help people shift perspective in a difficult situation. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Five Questions Meet a Conflict

Posted on April 30, 2025 by RealityCheck

Some people take a spontaneous seat-of-the-pants approach to life, while others find structure more satisfying. Personally, I find structure helpful: shopping lists, appointment calendars, journal reminders. Tools of this sort may not work perfectly, but they can help us develop a sense of control over our lives.
But structure isn’t just useful for keeping track of appointments. Dr. Glasser used a structured approach for marriage counselling which he described in “Counselling with Choice Theory.” His relationship counselling approach featured five questions. Those questions, or similar questions, are useful for other situations too.
Let’s take a look at his five questions. Continue reading →

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