Reality Check: Future Prospects

We can only act in the present day. I’m sure that this isn’t news to you!
While we can’t act in the past nor can we act in the future, there’s an interesting difference between the two. The past is done and therefore unchangeable. The future is yet to come, but what we do now can have an impact on how it unfolds.
Even though we can’t act in the future, we can affect our future through our actions or inactions today.
Focus on the future can have both positives and negatives.
On the upside, prudent actions today can prevent, or at least reduce, future difficulties. For example, we can reduce the likelihood of future health issues through food, exercise, or other preventive actions. We can pay attention to how we manage our money, so as not to be taken by surprise and dismay in the future. We can foster the future health of our relationships by planning events and cultivating connections today. Those are all useful outcomes of considering the future.
What about downsides? One example is conflict that can arise when two people have very different views of the importance of preparing for the future.
For example, Marcia is always looking ahead, planning ahead, preparing for the many things that could go wrong in the future. Garth has more of a ‘live for today’ focus. It doesn’t take much imagination to see the opportunities for friction here.
Using Choice Theory terms, we could say that Marcia has a higher level of the need for security/survival than does Garth. Her picture of satisfaction contains supplies of food, college funds for the kids, and a disaster plan for the future. Garth’s satisfaction picture is one that shows the whole family on adventures that they’ll look back on with delight in the future.
Both pictures have value. Can they be reconciled?
Self-evaluation is an important component of reality therapy. That is, we look at what we are doing and essentially ask ourselves, “How is this working for me?”
Thus, a question that Marcia might find helpful, “Is my focus on the future helping the relationship? Or hurting the relationship?” Similarly for Garth, “Is my lack of focus on the future helping or hurting the relationship?”
Notice that even though the focus is on the future, these questions are really asking, “How is my behaviour today affecting this relationship today? Is what I am doing today making things better or worse?”
Marcia and Garth have different pictures of what a successful, satisfying future looks like. However, both of their pictures include a loving relationship with each other and an intact family that enjoys time together in safe, secure surroundings. They may differ in the details, but those big essentials are shared by both.
In the worst case, their differences over how to prepare for the future could endanger that important picture. That is, they could lose the big picture by arguing over details; such as how much they need to save versus spend, what constitutes irresponsibility versus family fun, and so on.
Before Marcia and Garth get too entrenched in their positions about who is right or wrong, it may be worthwhile to look again at what they really want. Look together. Even if their pictures of an ideal future are different, both want to share that future with each other. Conversation, rather than argument, may be the tool that can help them reconcile their different pictures.
Does focusing on the future play a large role in your life? Or not much at all?