Choice Theory is focused on the present day. Why? “All you have any control over is what you do right now” is how Dr. Glasser puts it in “Choice Theory.”
We can’t change the past, but many of us with vivid imaginations can easily speculate about what would have happened had we done things differently. For example, “Had I gone after that promotion, then I would have moved out west and then I would have met new people and had greater opportunities…”
But, this fantasy cannot be tested because we can’t go back and change what we did in the past! We can imagine a different, more wonderful life, but it’s available only in our minds.
This is not to say that the past doesn’t matter. One thing we can do at any age and regardless of choices we’ve made in the past, is continue to learn. We can learn by reading, watching, talking, and possibly most effectively, by listening.
We can learn from our past and from the experiences of others. Just as there’s no need for us to reinvent the wheel; there is no need for us to figure out everything about human relationships from scratch. Other people have done a lot of that work before us; we can learn from it.
Recently I’d come across several commentaries along the lines of, “If I could go back in time, what would I tell my younger self?” One was a video by author Dan Pink, known for his books on motivation, regret and more. He’s made a nice snappy video of 40 truths he wished he’d known in his 20s.
Somehow, I doubt that people who are actually in their 20s read helpful articles about things they should know in their 20s. I may be wrong. However, for those of us who are somewhere beyond their 20s by now, such discussion can still make for interesting contemplation.
Do you remember what you were thinking when you were in your 20s? Were you full of confusion, dread, apprehension, wondering if you would ever feel grown up? Or was your mindset one of hope, optimism, plans, dreams, and the certainty that you would achieve your destiny?
If I were to offer one truth to a young person, or to anyone who is looking for a suggestion, it would be, “Pay attention to the people you choose to spend time with. Specifically, choose people who practice the Choice Theory caring habits, such as supporting, encouraging, listening, accepting, respecting.”
We don’t get to choose everyone in our social circles. We have families, workplaces, and communities. Many of those relationships are not of our choosing. Some may be wonderful, close relationships; others not so much.
For relationships where we do have the opportunity to choose, look for people who practise caring habits; people who genuinely support, listen, and encourage. Seek that. Even one such person can make a huge positive difference in your life.
The second part of this suggestion is to practice those caring habits ourselves. Particularly when we are young, it can be appealing to adopt a jaded, cynical persona. We may even mock those who are so naïve as to believe that one can get ahead in life by being “nice,” caring, supportive, and encouraging.
If you want a satisfying life, then the truth I’d offer is that you’ll be more effective if you practice optimism, effort, and encouragement.
You can be a rebel. You can reject a culture that encourages comparisons, pessimism, and resentment.
What truths would you offer a 20 year old?
