Reality Check: The Wisdom of the Second Look

Posted on October 13, 2025 by RealityCheck

When we cross a busy street, we look both ways to make sure the coast is clear. It’s often prudent to take a second look before we set out, as we might overlook a potential threat the first time. If you take this too far, however, by checking and rechecking to make sure all is clear, we may literally never get anywhere.
Still, there are aspects of life that warrant a second look as time goes on. Dr. Bob Wubbolding often used a system to implement Reality Therapy called WDEP. The first element, “W,” involves examining Wants. What do you want?
Just a reminder: wants are not necessarily selfish. We can have noble, even self-sacrificial wants. Regardless, it’s helpful to start by knowing what we want. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Thing About Control

Posted on October 6, 2025 by RealityCheck

A long, long time ago, I was on a flight to Cape Breton for a meeting. Everything was going smoothly. I parked at the airport; had my ticket; knew where I was going and who to meet. I was prepared and enthusiastic about the upcoming work for the day.
Early into that flight, a disturbing thought popped into my head: “I don’t think I rolled up the car windows.” It had been a warm drive that morning, I’d had rear windows rolled down, and somehow in all the bustle and excitement, I could not remember having rolled them back up!
Now what? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: A Simple Thank You

Posted on October 1, 2025 by RealityCheck

Do you offer compliments? If so, is it rarely, only when someone has done something truly extraordinary? Or does giving compliments come easily to you?
Now, how about receiving compliments? Can you accept a compliment without embarrassment, shrugging it off, or protesting?
A sincere compliment is a wonderful element of communication that can satisfy important needs for both the giver and the receiver. Here, I’m thinking specifically of compliments related to actions. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Expanding Happiness

Posted on September 13, 2025 by RealityCheck

Picture an image of everything that brings happiness to you. All the people, the places, the things, even the values and ideas; everything that brings you joy.
Is your picture huge? Does it contain a wide selection of satisfying things? Or is it small, with only a limited number of cherished entities?
Dr. Andrew Huberman has made a statement that contrasts addiction and happiness. As I have no interest in discussing addiction, I’ll just quote the part about happiness. Huberman says, “Happiness is a progressive expansion of the things that bring you pleasure.” He goes on to say that this takes work.
Oh dear. It’s as if work is always required, even when we’re talking about happiness. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Choosing Our Alliances

Posted on September 5, 2025 by RealityCheck

The term ‘alliance’ is often used to refer to relationships among countries. However, it can also be a useful descriptor for relationships among people, and could even open up a new perspective for some.
Dr. Glasser and others put a lot of focus on relationships. Glasser suggests that love and belonging is one of our most basic needs. He even goes so far as to suggest that dissatisfaction with a present relationship is what brings people to counselling. Relationships matter.
However, for some people, emotional terms are problematic. If you see yourself as a thought-driven person rather than guided by feelings or ‘heart,’ then even the term ‘relationship’ can be a barrier. The words we use matter.
Take love, for example. There are some who would ask, quite sincerely, “What does love even mean?” You may know someone like that! Continue reading →

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Reality Check: To Get Back On Course

Posted on August 30, 2025 by RealityCheck

When events in our lives go awry, we may develop the perception that life is just one bad thing after another. It’s overwhelming.
Some time ago, I asked, “What do you do when events throw you off course?” The suggestions that I received reminded me to discuss basic needs. Are we making efforts to satisfy them, despite the chaos? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Will You Ever Grow, Moso?

Posted on August 22, 2025 by RealityCheck

In his book, “A Set of Directions for Putting and Keeping Yourself Together,” Dr. Bob Wubbolding tells a little story about the Moso bamboo. According to Dr. Bob, it can take years of persistent care and watering of seeds before a Moso plant even breaks the soil. However, when the time is right and the plant emerges, it makes up for its slow start with explosive growth.
From my limited research, I’ve gathered that there are differing accounts about exactly how fast Moso seeds germinate and how huge they grow. That’s probably interesting to those of you who are horticulturally-inclined. For me, what is interesting is a different point.
During that long period of apparent nothingness, things are happening underground. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What I Didn’t Know Then

Posted on August 16, 2025 by RealityCheck

Choice Theory is focused on the present day. Why? “All you have any control over is what you do right now” is how Dr. Glasser puts it in “Choice Theory.”
We can’t change the past, but many of us with vivid imaginations can easily speculate about what would have happened had we done things differently. For example, “Had I gone after that promotion, then I would have moved out west and then I would have met new people and had greater opportunities…”
But, this fantasy cannot be tested because we can’t go back and change what we did in the past! We can imagine a different, more wonderful life, but it’s available only in our minds. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: When You’re Thrown Off Course

Posted on August 16, 2025 by RealityCheck

In our lives, we may have blissful times. Those are the days when everything is going smoothly. Relationships with friends and family are warm and satisfying, work or purpose is well in hand and headed in the direction that you want, you are healthy in body and mind, you have hope for the future, and optimism that you have or can achieve the life you want to live.
Wherever you go, you get cooperation, friendliness, good will. Your expectations are met at every turn. How does that sound? Wow.
However, there are also times when it’s not such smooth sailing, and it can seem to be a very sharp turnaround indeed. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Perceptions and Reputations

Posted on August 5, 2025 by RealityCheck

One upside of living in this internet-connected world is that we have so much access to useful information.
But there’s always a downside, isn’t there? Here’s one. While it’s easy to access information, it’s also easy to produce information. Websites, facebook, forums, blogs, you name it; anyone can write it!
Is the information true? I’m sure that you know that some is, and some isn’t. Our big challenge now is how to tell the difference between the true and the untrue. Continue reading →

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