When I hung up the phone after a rather unsatisfying conversation with a company which shall remain nameless, I muttered to myself, “Well, at least I’ve done what I can.”
Granted, this didn’t turn my situation into sunshine and roses. However, it did give me a bit of satisfaction. The issue is not resolved, but maybe, possibly, eventually, it will be. In any case, it’s out of my control. I have had a reasonable conversation; I have registered my complaint; I can do no more. Does any of that sound familiar to you?
When we’ve done what we can, then we can move along. Right? Yet, it’s not always that simple in real life, is it?
Even after we’ve done what we can, we sometimes still feel dissatisfied. Why? Perhaps it’s because we’re not clear about what it means to do what we can.
My example of making a complaint is pretty cut-and-dried. What I could do was clear and I did it. However, other scenarios are not so clear, such as when “doing what we can” involves attempting to help somebody else. Maybe we are helping with money, time, advice, or just providing perspective, and we find that not much changes as a result of our loving efforts.
Choice theory places an emphasis on self-evaluation. Along with asking ourselves, “What can I do?” we might add, “Is what I’m doing working?” Other helpful questions: “Is this a good use of my time? Are there ways to be more effective? Am I banging my head against a wall hoping for an outcome that I know is unrealistic?”
Different people have different capabilities. Some people accept challenges that they are not well-equipped to handle. Some take on burdens that are not their own. Some may believe themselves responsible for much that is completely outside of their control.
Does that matter? Perhaps so! Choice Theory suggests that each of us has a need for at least some degree of power, which could be as simple as the need to know that what we are doing is effective. If we can’t satisfy that need, we’re frustrated.
Many times, there is not a lot that we can do. It’s tempting to dwell on, “If only I were smarter, richer, more powerful…” But we are individuals, each with our own gifts and shortcomings. When we say “I will do what I can,” it’s helpful to recognize that we need to take our own limitations into account. That’s the “what I can” part.
It can be particularly difficult when we look at people who could use help. We want to do what we can. There are infinite opportunities to help. We can be drawn in by the current crisis, by whatever is getting attention at the moment. Is that an effective way to decide where to direct our efforts?
If you feel torn by competing needs, you may find it worthwhile to take a few minutes, or a few hours, to sit quietly and think about what you want as your priorities. Or discuss this with a trusted friend or mentor. Then write it down. It’s easy to forget and get side-tracked if you don’t.
We can be comforted and satisfied when we know that we have done what we can. Each of us can also evaluate and decide exactly what that means for us.
What does “to do what you can” mean to you?
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Welcome to Reality Check:
articles and observations inspired by the work of Dr. William GlasserCategories