If you decide to follow through with Dr. Bob Wubbolding’s steps in, “A Set of Directions for Putting and Keeping Yourself Together,” then you may have already made some progress!
First, you’ll have assessed your current reality. That is, you’ve taken a serious look at how things are. You may not like it, but you do accept it.
Next, you make a deliberate decision to act. Great! But act how?
Dr. Bob says, take “positive action.” He specifically suggests that we choose four positive actions to take today. Make two of them actions that we do for ourselves; the other two are actions we do for others. Some actions might fit both categories; they benefit both ourselves and others.
Perhaps you instinctively understand what we mean by a positive action. Or maybe the idea of categorizing actions as either positive or negative is strange to you. Let’s consider some possibilities.
One way to think of positive actions for yourself could be an action that contributes to satisfying what Choice Theory calls our “basic needs.” For example, think of our need for fun. Choose an activity that brings laughter or learning of something you enjoy, perhaps involving music, reading, or games.
A chat with a friend can be fun, and can also satisfy your need for love and belonging. Presumably it would do the same for the other person too!
Another kind of positive action might involve standing up for yourself in a troubling situation or asking for advice from a trusted person. Both of those actions could help satisfy our power/recognition need. You might find it odd to think that seeking advice could satisfy our need for power, but it can help us move forward with confidence.
A positive action could also include freeing ourselves of objects, relationships, even thoughts that we realize are not positive or helpful. An activity that contributes to bringing order and reducing chaos is also a positive action.
How about positive actions for others? Helping others can make a real difference in someone’s life. However, if you find that daunting or if your situation doesn’t allow for big gestures, remember that small actions count too.
I know that I’ve written this before, but one of my favourites continues to be encouragement. I can’t overstate how helpful words of encouragement can be, especially if you happen to deliver them at a suitable time. And as we can’t know what time is suitable, I’ll just say, be generous with your encouragement.
Encouragement is more effective if you are specific. Notice when someone makes an effort; tell them that you noticed. Acknowledge when someone takes a positive action; it’ll be good for both of you.
Dr. Bob says, “Doing for others could be smiling at people…” A smile is not difficult. Everyone can afford it. But what if you don’t feel like smiling? Try it anyway. You may find that it actually helps you feel better. To use the idea of “act as-if;” when we act as if we are happy, we are likely to become happier.
If you wish, you can choose large positive actions. But I’d suggest that the goal of this activity is to develop the habit of taking positive action. We don’t always feel like it; we’re not always in the mood. That’s fine. However, if we look with open minds, we can surely think of some kind of positive action that we can manage. Keep doing and thinking in that direction. Who knows? It could become a habit.
What actions do you consider to be positive? Do they come easily to you? Or do you have to work at them?
