Reality Check: Staying Alive

Have you ever taken a CPR course? Or maybe you can recall music from the ‘70s? If so, I imagine that the words, “Staying Alive” bring a little tune to mind. Feel free to hum along as you read.
Staying alive is a pretty potent motivator, wouldn’t you say? In Choice Theory, it’s called a basic need; the basic need for survival/security.
For some of us, this need is so basic that it makes all the others: love/belonging, power/recognition, freedom and fun, seem almost frivolous by comparison. Those needs don’t mean much if you can’t survive, right?
You might think that what we require to satisfy this security/survival need is obvious. We’re all human.
So, we all need essentially the same things: air to breathe, water to drink, food to eat, a way to protect ourselves from the elements. Pretty straightforward, isn’t it?
However, “assuming” something is straightforward is often our first mistake in many situations.
Even though we have the same basic needs, we still have differences. Different people have different strengths of each need. And there are differences in what satisfaction looks like. What you find satisfying is likely not quite the same as what I see as satisfying. These differences can lead to misunderstandings, resentments, fears and conflicts.
Imagine a couple; we’ll call them Eric and Erica. They’ve been having conflicts over some basic choices; primarily about how to spend their time and money. This conflict is new for them. In the early days of their relationship, they seemed to agree on everything. Now, not so much. Why would that change?
Like many couples, Eric and Erica have never really discussed what they want in terms of security and survival. Each assumed that the other, being a sensible person, the person they love and plan to share their life with, would want the same things they do. Wouldn’t they?
Upon examination though, it turns out that there are some differences! Erica looks at security as essential; it’s her top priority. She has an eye on the future, looking out for the security of the children they hope to have. She recognizes the possibility that someone might get sick or injured. Then there’s the state of the world; it seems that everywhere you look, you see disasters or looming crises. And even though they are young now, she’s already concerned about how they will live when they become seasoned citizens!
Eric has a more relaxed view of it all. He’s making good money and can’t imagine that this would ever come to an end. He feels pretty much on top of the world in terms of his career, his beautiful wife and a future that is bright indeed. In Eric’s view, we’re young now, and there is so much to do and to see! He cannot understand why Erica has gotten so uptight about it all. She used to be such fun.
You can see the opportunity for conflict. Earlier in the relationship, things were all fun and games. It was fine with Erica when Eric threw money around so they could have a good time. Now, her priorities are shifting. Security in Erica’s mind; the very survival of their potential family, requires a different outlook. “How could Eric not see that?” she wonders.
It’s easy enough to see the conflict potential when we look at someone else’s life. How about our own lives? What do you believe you need to satisfy your security/survival need. Has your need changed? If so, how are you adapting to those changes?