Setting goals can seem like a straightforward idea; everyone has an understanding of what “goal” means. Yet when we focus seriously on goals, two quite different kinds emerge. In some circles, they are known as go-up goals and give-up goals.
Go-up goals are what we strive toward. They could be achievement goals, like winning a race. Or relationship goals: getting married, starting a family. Ownership goals are popular; many of us want to have a house, a car, maybe even a puppy.
The give-up goals are just as important. Bad habits come to mind: smoking, overeating, scrolling on the phone when we could be doing something productive. You may find it’s easier to create a list of give-up goals than go-up goals. Not easier to achieve, mind you. It’s just easier to create the list.
Now that you’ve created your lists of goals, who, if anyone, do you share them with?
On the one hand, sharing your goals can “encourage” accountability, right? If you tell your colleague that you are going to finish that project by quitting time Friday, then you know that someone is going to notice whether you’ve actually come through. And will probably point it out if you haven’t! Knowing this may encourage you to persist and try harder.
On the other hand, have you ever noticed that not everyone is cheering your achievements? It’s possible that there are a few people, family, friends, coworkers, etc. who might even seem to take delight in your lack of success.
Oh dear. It’s discouraging enough to set a goal and come up short. It’s worse when you’ve declared your goal to all and sundry hoping that will motivate you to succeed, only to fall flat. I’d hope you’ll get encouragement to persevere. But it’s possible you might receive some less-than-supportive comments: “That’ll teach her. I knew she’d never do it.”
If you’ve ever received that kind of reaction, then apparently you’re not alone. How do I know? Because Dr. Bob Wubbolding addresses that possibility in “A Set of Directions for Putting and Keeping Yourself Together.”
He offers this guideline, made popular by Zig Ziglar: Share your “go-up” goals only with positive people; people you trust. Share your “give-up” goals with everyone.
If you want to give up smoking, overeating, or spending too much time scrolling your phone, then tell everyone. I want to give this up! If you see me doing it, intervene! Remind me. I won’t get annoyed. I’ll appreciate that you care enough about me to help me on the path to making my life better. Thank you!
That’s accountability, and it can help. (By the way, it does help if you genuinely don’t express annoyance when reminded, no matter how annoyed you feel at the time.)
What about your go-up goals? Those “I hope to…” Like delicate seedlings, they can be fragile, especially in the beginning. They could benefit from encouragement but could also be easily trampled by nay-sayers.
Share those only with people you trust. People who are positive toward you and genuinely want you to succeed. If you suspect that failure on your part might be met with a little too much glee, then ask yourself, “Why would I tell this person my goal? Will it help or harm my chances of achieving it? Would it discourage me from trying again if I don’t succeed the first time?”
You don’t have to tell everyone your goals. If you don’t believe you have anyone who is trustworthy enough to tell your hoped-for goal, then just write it down.
Do you set goals? Do you share them?
