Reality Check: To Choose a Feeling

The Choice Theory suggestion that we have some choice over our emotions can sound unrealistic. Emotions can pop up so fast; we can be struck by anger, overcome by a wave by grief, or even surprised by joy. It can all seem beyond our control.
If you’ve ever tried to force yourself to “cheer up” when you are unhappy, you already know that changing an emotion is hard to do.
Granted, Dr. Glasser doesn’t say that exercising emotional choice is easy.
He just suggests that it’s possible. And rather than trying to change a feeling directly, work instead on what we’re doing and thinking. Feelings will follow along.
For example, let’s say you are feeling unhappy and you don’t want that. You want a change. First, take a good look at what you are doing right now. Ask yourself, is what I’m doing helping me? Or is it leading me into more unhappiness? If it’s helping, continue. But if it’s driving you deeper into unhappiness, change it.
Changing what we are physically doing is generally not too difficult, is it? If I’m scrolling social media or watching TV and detect that I am getting more and more unhappy, I can change what I’m doing. I can turn off whatever device I’m using. I can get out of my chair and take the dog for a walk. I could reach out to someone, whether simply for a conversation or to extend an offer to do something useful or fun, preferably both. I can do something productive, whether it’s creating, catching up on correspondence, or in the worst case, I suppose I could do some cleaning.
You get the picture. While there can be times where we are stuck and unable to change what we are doing, realistically those times are rare. Engaging in some kind of physical activity is often an effective way to move us out of whatever emotion we want to relieve ourselves of.
Even if we can’t change what we are doing, we still have agency over our thoughts. We can change what we are thinking. This may be especially useful when we want to get control over emotions that have us brooding, whether we are ruminating over past events or fussing over potential future events, especially those we can’t do anything about.
How would we change what we are thinking? If you are so inclined, you can lose yourself in passive activities such as games, movies and novels. Those activities can distract us quite effectively while we are engaged.
Distraction can be helpful, but activities that require active thinking are even better. Even if you don’t consider yourself a “creative person,” try creative activities. Writing is one. While you may not wish to try writing the next great novel (but maybe you do), writing even simple things can be useful for you and for others.
Think and write about problems you have solved, obstacles you have overcome, or how to do various tasks. It may be a surprise to realize that not everyone knows the things you know! Write them down.
If words aren’t your joy, then grab a sketchpad. Sit outside; draw what you see. Try cartooning. That could be fun! No need to show anyone; this can be your own private joy.
You may find that none of this is easy. My encouragement for you is that it’s worth making the effort to feel better. Even if you don’t gain the control that you would like to have, making the effort, going through a process to gain control, can demonstrate that you do perhaps have more control than you realized. It’s worth the try.
Do you have feelings that control you? Have you made efforts to gain control? How well did that work for you?