Reality Check: The Value of Patches

“Patches make the goodbye harder still…” Decades ago, you could hear the song “Oh Very Young” playing everywhere. The artist, formerly known as Cat Stevens, sang of growing up, of life, and in this line, of discarding favourite old jeans.
It’s not hard to find South Shore residents who can’t bear to throw things out. If it’s at all usable, we like to see someone make use of it. We hate waste. Even if it has patches. After all, what does a patch say?
When you’ve sewn the patch yourself, the jeans become a reflection of you. They are no longer a generic product to be found in a store. They are now a real, tangible demonstration of your wish to preserve. You’ve proven it by the action you’ve taken; the time and energy you’ve invested. Patches reflect you and they reflect your work.
By now you may be thinking, “What does this have to do with Choice Theory?”
You might find it surprising that we can connect this tiny task to the Choice Theory basic need known as power/recognition. We each have some level of the power need. In general, if we try to satisfy it by exerting control over or diminishing others, misery will result. Misery for somebody, that is.
Fortunately, we have plenty of other ways to satisfy our need for power. For example, we can engage in helpful positive actions. Glasser gives the example of teachers who feel powerful when their students succeed; I can attest to that. There are many other helping professions, from people who save lives to people who build barns. All of those actions are not only helpful for the recipients; they are also satisfying for the person providing the service. They tell us, “I have value.”
Not everyone is skilled, or has the wish, to engage in activities that are directed toward helping others. This is not a problem. We can also satisfy this need by engaging in activities that have value for us, whether it’s weeding the garden, building a skill, or doing another type of work.
Satisfying our need for power doesn’t have to be complicated or aggressive. We have some say over what is satisfying for us, and it doesn’t have to come at the expense of others.
When we take a positive action, we may choose to brush it off as a small thing. Yet, those actions are worth something. They have value. When a marigold blooms from a seed you’ve planted or you harvest a tomato that you’ve grown yourself, take satisfaction from that.
When you succeed in owning something as a result of your own efforts, you satisfy your power need. “I earned that” is a powerful feeling; far different from, “I was given that.” When you can say, “I rescued that by patching it” you are saying something quite different from, “I went to the store and bought a new one.”
Whether it’s a small task or a big goal, making the effort to do the work can help satisfy our need for power and recognition, even if the only person who recognizes it is us.
So go ahead. Patch your jeans. Plant a flower. Fix a ditch. Ask a question. Make a courageous phone call. Take some action, even a small action, that does no harm but that could do some good. Not only might this action be helpful for someone else, it could be satisfying for you.