When choosing a title for this column, I was torn about how to describe the thoughts and feelings I’m writing about. There are so many possibilities; we could call them negative, upsetting, or troublesome. I like “pesky” but it seems a little too casual for this serious topic. So I settled on “difficult.”
Regardless of what adjective we use, you have probably experienced the types of thoughts and feelings that I’m referring to. Thoughts such as, “I can’t,” “I’ll never succeed,” “Nothing good ever happens to me,” “I’ll never get over what was done to me.”
How about feelings? Again, there are many possibilities: anger, resentment, anxiety, depression, self-pity, guilt. The list goes on.
In my continuing look at Dr. Bob Wubbolding’s, “A Set of Directions for Putting and Keeping Yourself Together,” he suggests that we will have positive, happier feelings when we do regular positive activities.
In Choice Theory, Dr. Glasser uses the image of a front wheel drive car to illustrate how and why we behave. His explanation goes like this: we have four components to our behaviour: acting (what we do), thinking, feeling and physiology (our body’s responses.)
The “Total Behaviour Car” is an easy reminder of the linkage among the four components. Acting and thinking are the front wheels; feeling and physiology follow along as rear wheels.
The front wheels, that is, what we do and what we think, essentially set the direction for the rear wheels of feelings and physiology. To take it even a bit further, our actions can change our thoughts, our thoughts can change our feelings, and our feelings can change our physiological response.
You may have already experienced this. For example, maybe you were feeling down and discouraged. Your head hurts and your stomach is upset for no apparent physical reason.
Then you go for a brisk walk in the fresh air. On the way, you notice a beautiful area and you think “I could make a fine-looking garden there!”
And at some point, somehow, you notice that you’re not feeling discouraged anymore. Your head doesn’t even hurt. You have a project, a plan, a purpose. What happened?
A positive action (the walk) nudged you toward a positive thought (the potential garden), which lifted your feelings toward optimism, and which even changed your body’s response.
The really good news is that although it’s hard to lift ourselves directly out of a difficult feeling, in many situations, it’s not difficult to take a positive physical action. When we do so, we can positively affect our thoughts, feelings, even our physical response.
Dr. Wubbolding offers this elegant piece of advice, “If you regularly stand up for yourself, give of yourself to others, put the good and beautiful into your mind, take care of the marvellous body in which you reside, you will live a life of happiness…”
Well, I can’t guarantee a life of happiness. However, these practices would reasonably lead us toward a life that brings us more satisfaction, hope, patience, joy, and peace of mind, just to name a few feelings that one might refer to as positive rather than difficult.
In case you perceive this whole exercise as selfish (as in, “It’s all about me”) Dr. Bob includes in his list of happier feelings: “Spirit of Giving,” “Acceptance,” “Trust.” When we are happier, more satisfied, and at peace, it’s a lot easier to be patient, accepting and generous toward others, isn’t it? And that’s not selfish, not at all.
Have you experienced the effect of having your actions change your thoughts and feelings? Has it been for the better? Or worse?
