“Follow your heart.” This phrase is on T-shirts, plaques, coffee mugs. People quote it and presumably rely on it as a guiding principle. Let’s take a look at what that might mean.
For the purpose of this column, I’ll look at “heart” as referring to the source of our emotions. While “follow your feelings” doesn’t have quite the same lofty ring, it pretty much conveys what’s commonly understood as “follow your heart.”
Feelings can emerge quickly and powerfully. For example, you’re alone in the forest and you catch a glimpse of a bear! Does it take long to know what you’re feeling? I’m guessing it doesn’t.
Now comes the question: “Is it wise to let an immediate, intense feeling direct my actions?” The question goes well beyond bears in the woods.
For some financial transactions, “cooling off” periods require that we be given time to think. Your “heart” may urge you to immediately sign up for a time-limited offer that promises endless joy, even if it demands a lifetime commitment. A day later, after the ecstasy fades and you read the fine print, your head may say, “Nope, I don’t think so.”
Choice Theory looks at behaviour as having different components. For this discussion, I’ll focus on three: actions, thoughts, feelings. All can play a role when we make a choice.
How so? Let’s say I want something to eat. My feelings urge me toward comfort and indulgence. A gooey caramel sundae would satisfy that feeling, wouldn’t it?
But wait, let me think. Do I want to be bloated and hungry again in half an hour? Nope! Then, let’s have protein and fibre! A healthy bean burrito is the logical choice.
Finally, I need to take action if I’m going to eat anything at all. My action will ultimately define what I eat. Even if my thoughts say, “The burrito is the right choice,” but I drive to the ice cream store, we know how the story ends. On the other hand, if I gather burrito ingredients on the counter, then my actions indicate that it’s burrito time.
Snack choices are one thing, but isn’t the heart a reliable guide for serious life-changing decisions?
Choice Theory encourages taking charge of our own lives. Understanding how the behavioural components work together can help us do just that. Here’s the pattern: We can change our feelings by thinking different thoughts. And we can change our thoughts by taking different actions.
Thus, by choosing specific actions, we gain some control over our thoughts and feelings. You have probably experienced feeling better after a brisk walk or thinking more clearly after straightening your paperwork.
It’s satisfying to be able to gain more control over our own lives. But, there’s a wrinkle. If we can change our feelings through thoughts and actions, then we are also vulnerable to having our feelings changed by others.
If you’ve ever teared up watching a sad movie, you know that feelings can be influenced by events that aren’t even real. Another powerful feeling is fear. If someone has instilled fear in our hearts, we make different choices than when we are courageous. Whether we call it gut instinct, feelings, or heart, our first impulse can lead us in different directions than if we take time to think.
Whether you choose “follow your heart” as a guiding principle is, of course, up to you. However, it is worth questioning whether your heart is in fact “your” heart or if you are responding to influences.
Do you believe that feelings are a reliable guide?
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articles and observations inspired by the work of Dr. William GlasserCategories