Reality Check: To Take Charge of Your Life

Over his long career, Dr. Wm. Glasser wrote a number of books to describe his approach to helping people get along better and live more satisfying lives. A well-known example is, “Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom.”
Years later, Glasser again described those concepts in, “Take Charge of Your Life.” Its subtitle: “How to get what you need with Choice Theory Psychology.”
While the theory remains consistent, the later book has a different “voice,” quite possibly reflecting the work (and the love) of his wife Carleen, who contributed to the update.
Even the title reflects a change of focus. What might have been perceived to be just an academic “theory” became a practical guide to answer the question, “What could this do for me?”
Let’s think about what it means to “take charge of your life.” If you believe that you are not in charge, what do you need to take charge?
Our lives are chock-full of things over which we have no control. I know that you could make your own list of those if you wanted to. While your list is undoubtedly different than mine, I suspect that both our lists would be pretty long.
Glasser uses the terms “personal freedom” and “choice” throughout his work; terms that I associate closely with taking charge of one’s life. Thus, when we’ve “taken charge,” we would have confidence in our ability to direct our own lives and handle whatever comes our way.
Another term Glasser uses is “external control.” This is his descriptor for how people often interact with each other, which is to use rewards, punishment, guilt, manipulation, and other strategies to try to get others to do what we want them to do.
External control is based on the assumption that it’s possible for people to control one another. This doesn’t necessarily mean that we have a mean-spirited or selfish motivation. We may, and often do, only want what’s best.
Glasser suggests that external control is harmful for relationships. Even if we succeed in getting someone to do what we want them to do, using strategies to “make” them do it is ultimately destructive.
You may recognize when external control efforts have been used on you. When we find ourselves on the receiving end of manipulative or other destructive strategies, sometimes we’ll do what the other person wants us to do. We have reasons. Choice theory offers some explanation for why we ultimately do what we do, which can give us a better understanding. With better understanding comes more personal freedom.
Glasser’s “choice theory” is based on a different assumption from external control. Choice theory suggests that we are self-motivated, not externally motivated, and that we can control only ourselves.
By now you might be asking, “But if we’re self-motivated, why do rewards and punishments work?” We know that they do. Your boss suggests a raise if you do a good job; you start showing up early and working harder! Your spouse is more loving when you don’t lose your temper; you find that you can indeed exercise more self-control.
This is worth a closer examination, so over the next columns, we’ll look more at “Take Charge of Your Life.” Stay tuned!
What does “taking charge of your life” mean to you? Do you perceive that you largely have charge of your life? Or does it feel out of control?

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