Reality Check: Maybe I Can…

When many of us lost power during the recent snowstorm, our habitual routines were disrupted. While even I am not old enough to remember cozy gatherings around oil lamps in the pre-electricity days, I understand it was not all “bad old days.” But our expectations, what we consider essential to be satisfied, have certainly changed over the years, haven’t they?
However, we do have some control over whether we are satisfied or not. According to Choice Theory, we are constantly weighing what we want against what we perceive that we have. If they match nicely, then we are satisfied, at least to some degree. If not, well, then we’re not satisfied.
What wasn’t matching our expectations?
In many cases, heat, lights, even human connections were disrupted without phones or internet. It all contributes to dissatisfaction; to a sense that things are out of control.
Is resiliency helpful in the face of dissatisfying situations? I would say yes. For example, consider what you do when you feel strong, powerful and in control. Now, what do you do when you feel anxious or miserable? Do you find it a little easier to muster “can-do” energy when you’re feeling capable and positive?
If so, then how might we increase our resiliency?
Difficulty can be easier to handle if we can approach from the viewpoint that we have some control over what we do. We can do something, and it could have a positive effect on what happens.
Sometimes people are held back from taking any action because they believe it must be big, impactful, noticeable; the mindset of, “Go big or go home.” If that holds you back, then I suggest starting small.
Start with mindset. Try this, “Maybe I don’t have to look at this as a disaster. Maybe I can get a positive outcome, even if it’s not the one I originally wanted.”
Even less ambitious, “It’ll be different than usual but maybe I can still have a satisfying day.”
What can help us develop a “Maybe I can” mindset? It may be as simple as deciding that we can, and will, take control of our own attitude, regardless of the difficulty around us. It helps to know that progress is happening, the possibilities exist.
It’s easy to lose perspective if we are surrounded by negative messages. There are plenty of them, too. I’m sure you can easily find stories of bad things that people do, of looming disasters, fears of the future, and so on.
However, we can guard against that to some degree. For example, I deliberately seek out sources of optimistic news. I’m not looking for Pollyanna feel-good fakery, but real stories of progress and optimism. They exist. There are new treatments for disease, new seeds that improve food production, and even extinct animals found not to be extinct after all, as just a few examples.
Just because progress doesn’t make the news doesn’t mean it’s not happening. And while much of it may not be relevant to us, it can help to contribute to a mindset that good things happen. Not just bad things. Good things.
We can’t control whether the power goes off. However, maybe we can control how we react to that and to the many other difficulties that pop up, one after another. And when we change to a mindset that sees possibilities, our reality also changes. How so?
Because from that mindset, we’re more inclined to say, “Maybe I can make that phone call. Maybe I can find that information. Maybe I can solve that problem.” And any of those “maybes,” turned into action, could lead to a different, better reality.
How do you work through difficult times?