Dr. Bob Wubbolding is the author of a short, delightful book called “A Set of Directions for Putting and Keeping Yourself Together.” It looks like a child’s book with its cartoon-like pictures, big print, short sentences. But looks can be deceiving. This is a serious work, written by a serious scholar who was the former Director of Training of the William Glasser Institute.
His message is simple: he’s providing a do-it-yourself guide to help people “put themselves together.” That is, to feel better, be happier, get along with others, meet needs more effectively, and increase self-esteem. As if that’s not enough, meaning and purpose is mentioned too!
I’ve referred to various books by Dr. Bob over the years, but this one has a special place. Its message is grounded solidly in Choice Theory/Reality Therapy, so even though it was written back in 2001, it remains current.
Speaking of current, the first step Dr. Bob suggests in this do-it-yourself project is “Accept your current reality.” For some, they will see that reality is, in fact, most satisfying. What might that mean? If we consider the five basic needs of Choice Theory, then a satisfying life includes good relationships, reasonable security, a level of recognition, plus some freedom and fun! Details will vary from person to person, but that’s a general structure.
However, not everyone will find that their current reality is satisfying. We’re looking at how it is, rather than how we would like it to be, and we may see that our current reality has some significant deficiencies.
For example, maybe a significant relationship has gone down the tubes and we are having trouble with acceptance. Or perhaps our work situation has deteriorated to the point where our very security is at risk or our worth is being called into question. Maybe we can’t seem to have a moment where we don’t feel trapped rather than free. And fun? Well, who has the opportunity for fun when there’s so much wrong in this world?
But whether it’s wonderful or dismal, our current reality is where we are. While we can choose to deny it or refuse to accept it; those responses don’t help us improve our situation. Pretending that reality is different isn’t helpful; it just adds to our powerlessness. Dr. Bob says that we first need to accept our current reality.
However, Dr. Bob also points out that accepting is not the same as surrendering! Accepting doesn’t mean that we have to give up or resign ourselves to the idea that our current reality will always be our reality. That’s not the case at all.
If we want to make a change, we have to start somewhere. That “somewhere” is here, now, our current reality. Whether it’s good, bad, or indifferent, it’s the place to begin.
So it’s worth taking a look at our current reality. If you are so inclined, you could even use a checklist (some of you already know how I love checklists.) You could structure your checklist around basic needs. For example, how are your relationships? Do you have satisfying ones? Some that you believe need improvement? Some that you might want to let go?
How about your security and survival? Do you feel confident that you are meeting your needs there? Are there lacks or anxieties?
Continue by looking at your needs for recognition, for freedom and for fun. Determine for yourself how well you are meeting your needs in your current reality.
