Reality Check: The World We Want

Is the world the way you would like it to be? I can think of some possibilities for improvement; you probably can too. Let’s try a less ambitious question, “Is your life the way you would like it to be?”
In Choice Theory, Dr. Glasser suggested that we create and maintain a set of internal pictures that reflect what we want. He calls it our “Quality World,” our personal picture of the world we want.
At first glance, you might think that the Quality World is simply stuffed with pictures of things we want; perhaps new cars or houses or a million dollars. Indeed, Glasser does include things as one of the categories in our Quality Worlds.
There are other categories as well.
One category is the people we want to be with. Who do we want to spend time with? Who do we want to respect us, love us, comfort us?
And then there’s the category of ideas; what we value and what beliefs we hold. For example, we may have beliefs about how we should behave, about what political system is the best, or about how often your children should call you. What we believe has a place in our Quality World.
The Quality World idea can strike some as self-centered or selfish. However, that need not be the case. It’s a tool, and tools can be used to achieve productive, positive results or destructive, even evil, results. How we use the tool matters.
If you’re feeling vaguely dissatisfied with your life, then perhaps examining your Quality World could be time well spent. If you find the term “Quality World” awkward, just call it, “What I want.”
Look at the three categories: things, people, and beliefs. Don’t get side-tracked by the fact that you don’t already have everything you want (it would be remarkable if you did) or if some of those wants are impossible. For now, just take stock. You could even write them down.
How is this useful? By consciously defining our wants, we’re also defining our “don’t-wants.” It can help us define priorities. Then, we can focus on getting what we want and equally importantly, happily ignore what we don’t want.
For example, you may want specific relationships with family, friends, coworkers, community members, even pets.
You may want recognition. If so, you can almost certainly find a way when you focus on it. Volunteering, sports achievements, community involvement, or just interacting with others can potentially bring recognition.
Perhaps you want more free time. Better security. Or more fun! We may not be able to satisfy everything as we would like. Some wants are simply not achievable. However, focusing on ways to get more of what we want would lead to a more satisfied life, wouldn’t you say?
But wait, there’s more! Understanding our wants could bring a bonus: Freedom; specifically freedom from envy. If we base our happiness on having more or better than someone else, then we are always in competition, always chasing. And there is always someone who has more.
When we use our own Quality World, not someone else’s, as our foundation, then we are less likely to get blown off course. We can free ourselves from the dissatisfaction of, “Oh, I wish I had that!” when we see TV or social media accounts of other people’s apparent good times and grand possessions.
And when we do see someone who appears to be living a satisfied life, we can simply be happy for them. Their satisfaction doesn’t reflect negatively on us. We can focus on attaining our own wants, and that could, potentially, bring genuine satisfaction.
What’s in your Quality World?