Reality Check: Wherever you go

Once upon a time, a woman I’ll call Tilley knew that she had to move. As she went looking for a new home, she came across a nice-looking neighbourhood. Bob happened to be out walking his dog, so Tilley struck up a conversation with him.
“What are the people like in this neighbourhood?” Tilley asked Bob. He responded, “What are the people like in the neighbourhood where you live now?”
“Oh, they are wonderful! Always friendly, welcoming, they look out for you, ready to help you. I love my neighbourhood; I hate to leave, I just need a smaller house.”
Bob’s response, “I think you’ll find the people here to be just the same. You’ll love it here.”
Next day,
Betsy, also looking for a new home, came across the same neighbourhood and the same dog-walker. She asked Bob about the neighbourhood, and again, he responded with the question: “What are the people like where you live now?”
Betsy’s response: “I’ll be glad to be rid of them. They are gossipy, spiteful, they take advantage. I don’t talk to any of them. That’s why I want to get out.”
“Ah,” said Bob. “I think you’ll find the people here to be just the same.”
I can’t recall where I first heard this little fable. Maybe it’s true; maybe it’s made up. Regardless, it’s a nice example of the old saying, “Wherever you go, there you are.”
The moral of the story is easy enough to figure out. The attitudes that we find in a community, a workplace, really any environment, are largely a reflection of our own.
This is not an absolute truth, of course. If we find ourselves in a nasty environment, it doesn’t necessarily reflect a failing on our part. Some environments and some people are more welcoming and positive than others. I’m not suggesting that we have full control over our environment or that we are fully responsible for the behaviour of the people around us.
We do, however, have at least some control over the attitude that we bring to a situation. And that attitude can indeed change our environment.
The fable took on fresh relevance for me recently when I attended my friend’s celebration of life. As she has passed away, obviously I can’t get her permission to write this. However, having known Winnifred for so long, I’m pretty sure she’d be ok with my writing about her. She might even enjoy it.
Through our acquaintance, Winnifred became interested in Choice Theory and generously offered her home as a place to host discussions. Our group would get together in her living room and discuss chapter after chapter in Dr. Glasser’s books. We talked through how the principles might apply to us and how we could use them to improve our relationships and ultimately, how to create more satisfying lives.
As time went on and she, like the rest of us, got older, she moved to be closer to family; closer to her own fundamentally important relationships.
We stayed in touch sporadically after she moved. Thus, I can confidently answer the question: When Winnifred moved, what were the people like in her new neighbourhood? Not surprisingly, the same as the old! She loved the people, the activities, the family connections, just as she had loved living here in Nova Scotia.
So here’s to Winnifred! Wherever she went, along with her art, books, and maybe her dancing shoes, she brought enthusiasm, laughter, and her skill of bringing people together. Wherever she went, there she was.
Do you have people in your life who bring specific qualities wherever they go? What do you like to bring?