Reality Check: Fishing for Choices

A story about halibut fishing in Alaska recently caught my attention. Now, I’m not generally interested in halibut fishing, and although Alaska is undoubtedly lovely, it doesn’t hold any special appeal for me.
What intrigued me was that the story appeared in the International Journal of Choice Theory and Reality Therapy. Dr. Janet Morgan described her fishing experience, which her husband and friends had convinced her would be calm, safe, and result in catching halibut.
Have you ever participated in something “fun” that you didn’t really want to do, but you agreed anyway?
Maybe your friends went hiking and urged you to come along. It didn’t sound like fun to carry a backpack while stumbling through the woods but you didn’t want to miss out. Or maybe you were convinced to go shopping, traveling, or attend an event where you ended up saying, “Why did I ever agree to this?”
Despite the fact that Dr. Morgan “wasn’t keen” on this adventure, she chose to go. They were at the boat at 5AM with a three hour ride to the fishing grounds ahead.
As they travelled, the wind picked up, the delightful smell of gasoline filled the air, and it started raining hard. The captain finally pulled into a sheltered bay; the group caught some fish and headed back.
The trip back was more miserable with fierce winds, hard rain, and the overpowering gasoline smell. What would you do?
Here’s what Dr. Morgan did. First, she blamed her husband for making her go. Then she criticized the captain. She punished everybody by deciding not to fish, clean fish, or package fish. Plus, she complained.
If you’ve been reading these columns for awhile, you may recognize that blaming, criticizing, punishing, and complaining are on the list that Dr. Glasser calls “deadly habits.” If you’ve ever been in a difficult situation, you know how easy it can be for those habits to take over. It’s especially tempting when we can target someone like a spouse!
Dr. Morgan has been involved with Choice Theory for years. At some point during the journey home, it occurred to her that she had made a choice to focus on the negatives. But she could focus on the positives instead, if she chose to do so.
She had chosen to go on the trip. Everyone else had experienced the same discomforts that she had. She loves her friends and her husband, and it’s within her power to change her perspective. She has that choice.
At the end of the day, instead of focusing on the unpleasantness, she laughed with the others about the terrible weather, the yucky smells, the unpredictability.
This story reminded me that even when we know better, it can still be difficult to pay attention to our choices. Dr. Morgan knew that complaining, blaming, etc. aren’t helpful. They don’t help us be more satisfied and they certainly don’t help our relationships.
Yet, even though she knew better, those powerful urges to respond counter-productively won out initially.
The encouraging message here is that even if we do succumb to our immediate negative impulses, we can recover. We can think again and consider, “Wait, is my behaviour helping me?”
It’s hard/impossible to be perfect. But learning and practicing constructive habits can help.