Reality Check: Can Good Come From Setbacks?

“How’s it going?” Has anyone asked you that recently? If so, how do you respond? Often we say, “Fine,” regardless of what’s happening. It is a practical answer, especially if we believe that the person asking isn’t really interested in our current life story.
Fact is, there are some times in our lives that do go better than others, don’t they?
Those are the good times, when we genuinely feel like we’re “walking on sunshine.” Everything we touch goes well; we are loved, free, successful, filled with hope and promise.
Then there are the other times. They might be times of loss of friends and family. Sometimes we get a flurry of concerning health news. And then there’s the times when day-to-day living is a struggle; one step forward seems immediately followed by two steps back.
When negative events keep coming, it’s easy to get the perception that the world is “out to get us.” Is it true? Is the “universe” trying to tell us something? If so, what might that be?
In the self-evaluation process, we look at what we are doing, the results we are getting, and we ask, “How’s what I’m doing working for me?” If it’s not working well, then ideally we would change our behaviour to something that works better. Sounds like common sense, doesn’t it?
However, there are different ways we can look at our difficulties, thus there are different conclusions that we could draw.
For example, Jane has decided to move across the country. Barriers are popping up at every step. When Jane asks, “How is this working?” she perceives those barriers as telling her that this is not working well at all. Jane’s question, “Are these events telling me that I should give up this idea?”
But now let’s look at the example of Jill. She has also decided to move across the country. Barriers keep popping up for her, too. When Jill asks, “How is this working?” her interpretation is, “I’m being tested so I can grow and overcome and ultimately become a more resilient and capable person.”
So which is it? When the going gets tough, what should I do? Change course and try something different? Or double down, persist through the difficulties and give it my all?
We know there is not a one-size-fits-all answer. However, I have one more question you might consider if you are struggling with a decision about whether to carry on or back away.
The question is, “Does this struggle take me in a direction where I want to go?”
Both Jane and Jill could view all those setbacks as an additional source of information; information that can help them to re-evaluate whether the move is, in fact, taking them in the direction they want to go.
For the quandary about whether to move, it’s appropriate to revisit the reasons for considering it in the first place. Maybe it’s for the fun of an adventure, the satisfaction of a better career, the belonging of a supportive community, or even the freedom of being away from current circumstances.
It’s easy to get discouraged by setbacks that cry out for urgent attention. But we can choose to use our setbacks as a reminder to stop for a bit and examine the big picture. When we are confident about our direction, it’s easier to tackle those inevitable setbacks with enthusiasm.
Do setbacks bog you down? Or does big picture thinking come easily to you?