Reality Check: Name That Emotion

What emotion are you feeling right now? Take a moment; think about it. Is it curiosity? Joy? Sadness? Enthusiasm? Frustration? Loneliness? Optimism?
It’s easy to develop a belief that our emotions control us and that we don’t have much say in the matter. That’s the implication conveyed by some expressions, such as “swept off our feet,” “drowning in despair,” “overcome with anxiety.” It sounds like our emotions are in charge and there’s nothing we can do about it.
If we’re satisfied to let our emotions rule us, then of course that’s our prerogative. However, if you don’t like the way that your emotions take charge of you, then there are some actions that could help.
In a recent article, Dr. Joel Wade writes about a simple skill that we can use to gain better control. He suggests naming the emotions that we are feeling. Stop, notice what we are feeling, and identify each by name. Do this deliberately a few times each day so as to develop it into a regular habit.
Thus my opening question: What emotion are you feeling right now? Identify it. There’s no need to judge whether it’s good or bad, or whether it’s a wanted or unwanted feeling. Just observe it. Name it.
We have all kinds of words available to describe specific emotions, yet often we clump them together into the two big categories of “feels good” and “feels bad.” If we are more specific about exactly what emotion we are feeling, we have a better chance of using our knowledge and experience to do something about it in a conscious way.
When things are going well, what are we feeling? Is it contentment? Delight? Warmth? Love?
If things are going badly, exactly what is it we’re feeling? Is it worry? Anger? Sadness?
It’s probably easiest to begin the habit when things are going smoothly. But any time is better than never, right? And like any habit, the more we practise, the more automatic it becomes, making it easier to call on when times are difficult.
Dr. Wade puts it like this, “When emotions are running the show, we can be at the mercy of our most unconscious, emergency back-up habits.” He’s talking about our instant reflexes; those habitual responses we fall into when we believe we can’t help ourselves.
Maybe it’s losing our temper and blasting everyone in sight when things go wrong. Or maybe we prefer to walk away, sulking and resentful. Some of those habits, such as over-eating, drinking too much, hurting ourselves, hurting others, are destructive to us and to our relationships.
Thus the question: Can we exercise control over our emotions? Our emotions might seem to be in charge. Is there anything that we can do to gain more effective control over them?
Choice Theory would suggest that the answer is yes! And Dr. Glasser offers a model for how to approach gaining some control over our feelings. I’ll save a fuller explanation for next time. In the meantime, what I can say is that taking an action is a good start toward changing an emotion. And naming the emotion that you are feeling could be an effective action with which to start the process.