Reality Check: The Present Day

We have so many opportunities to find reasons to be upset, anxious, angry, or have other difficult feelings. Your upsets might come from your personal life, from the behaviour of people close to you, such as family, community, or workplace.
If you can’t find enough sources of agitation there, you can always turn on the TV, radio or computer. You won’t have to work too hard to find something to get your blood boiling. If you are so inclined, that is.
Some people like to spend their time in worry or outrage. You can want what you want of course; that’s your choice. However, it sparks my interest when someone recognizes that their feelings are causing problems for them, but believes that they are powerless to change.
A recent summary piece by William Glasser International reminded me of an aspect of Glasser’s work that can be useful in regaining control. It says, “Rather than dwelling on the past or blaming others, Reality Therapy helps people look at what’s happening right now. The focus is on making better decisions in the present to create a more satisfying future.”
So we might ask: Is there something that I can do differently right now? Are there actions that I can take that would take me down a more satisfying path?
A focus on the present does not imply that there is no value in looking back at the past or forward to the future. If we don’t learn from our past, it’s likely that we’ll repeat our errors. Those valuable lessons we can gain from going through hard times (or good times) would be lost.
Nor do we want to ignore the future. Planning ahead is helpful! Looking to the future can motivate us to choose to sacrifice now for a more secure, joyful future for ourselves and our loved ones. It can sustain us through short-term pain when we look to longer term gain.
Thus, focusing on the present is not about wiping out the past or ignoring the future.
However, if we get caught up focus much of our efforts on past or future, we can end up not fully participating in the time that we are in. That is, our present.
If you find yourself overwhelmed by a jumble of emotions that you can’t seem to get a handle on, here’s a suggestion for you.
Ask yourself, “Is this emotion about the past? The present? Or the future?”
If you determine that it’s about the past, then ask, “Am I learning from my past so I won’t make the same errors? Am I savouring the past, which can increase my joy in my relationships (even if they no longer exist in the present)? Or am I ruminating about perceived hurts or injustices that may be quite real, but that can’t be changed now?”
If you see that it’s about the future, you can ask, “Am I doing productive preparation for possible future events? Am I anticipating with joy, perhaps increasing my satisfaction and boosting relationships? Or am I fretting about possibilities that may or may not occur, and where there is no effective action that I can take?”
In, “Choice Theory,” Glasser writes, “The past is over; he cannot change what he or anyone else did.” Likewise, for a good future, focus on making the life that we have right now more satisfying and effective.
I’ll leave you with one more quote from Glasser, “All you have any control over is what you do right now.” Do you think that deliberately choosing to focus on the present could be helpful for you?