A long, long time ago, I was on a flight to Cape Breton for a meeting. Everything was going smoothly. I parked at the airport; had my ticket; knew where I was going and who to meet. I was prepared and enthusiastic about the upcoming work for the day.
Early into that flight, a disturbing thought popped into my head: “I don’t think I rolled up the car windows.” It had been a warm drive that morning, I’d had rear windows rolled down, and somehow in all the bustle and excitement, I could not remember having rolled them back up!
Now what?
This was before cell phones, so even if there had been someone to check on my car, calling wasn’t an option. And I don’t think the pilot would have looked kindly on the idea of turning the plane around for me.(No, I didn’t ask.)
So, that was that. My poor little Honda was sitting forlornly in that huge parking lot, unprotected from thieves, downpours, insects, and maybe even squirrels, while I was away for the day! How could I have been so neglectful?
How do you think the rest of my day went? All day, through meetings, lunch, interesting conversations, and the flight home, the image of open car windows crowded out the brilliant insights that I had so carefully prepared. Ultimately, although I did manage to do reasonable work, my effectiveness was, shall we say, a little lacking compared to what it could have been without this distraction.
When I finally returned to my car that evening, what did I find? The windows were rolled up. I had even turned off the headlights and locked the car. Everything was exactly as it should be. Many of our actions are automatic; I had done those things without thinking.
This incident happened well before I had ever heard of Dr. Glasser or Choice Theory, but it still serves as an example for me of the effectiveness of some Choice Theory concepts.
In our sensible minds, we know there is no point in fretting over things we cannot control. While we can say “Stop worrying about it,” both you and I know that’s a lot easier said than done. In this case, by the time it occurred to me that I might have a problem, it was too late to do anything about it. I could not change the situation.
One useful Choice Theory concept for this kind of situation is the knowledge that while it’s hard to directly change our feelings (worry, for example), we can change them by thinking or doing something differently. That is, actions and thoughts are more directly controllable than our feelings.
How would that help? I could direct my thoughts in other directions. I could review my meeting notes, or even make checklists so oversights are less likely to happen again. The specific thoughts may not matter, as long as they distract me from the non-productive worried feelings.
A related Choice Theory concept is to focus on what we can control. Can we create an effective response when a situation is out of our control?
After many years of focusing on Choice Theory, I would like to think that now my reaction would be, “I must put my full attention on doing the best job I can on the work that I am here to do.”
These responses won’t roll up the car windows, but they could make for a less stressful, more productive day. And that has value.
How do you handle important events over which you have no control?
