Reality Check: People Who Cope

When you think of your circle of friends and acquaintances, you may be able to identify some who fit into a category I call “people who cope.” These are the folks who seem to know what to do, no matter what.
They just happen to show up with a casserole when you need one, or give you a call when you’re down, or pitch in when you’re overwhelmed. They are reliable, people you can count on. Whether you’ve bruised your knee or your feelings, they seem to be able to offer a remedy, some advice, and maybe even a nice cup of tea.
Perhaps you are one of those people. Maybe you’ve chosen your coping role, or maybe it’s been thrust upon you. Either way, it’s possible that recent years have put a strain on your internal resources. Is it getting to be a bit much for you?
You may wonder, “Am I the only person who can hold all this together?” Frankly, the answer may be yes. While we like to say that no one is indispensible, each of us does have our contributions to make. Yours may well be to hold things together in your world. There may be no one else who can, or will, play that role as effectively as you do.
On the one hand, you could perceive that you are carrying a huge burden. People count on you and their quality of life may depend on what you do.
The other side of the coin is that with important responsibility also comes purpose. Even when the going gets tough, we can be quite satisfied when we know that we are appreciated, respected, and valued.
If you’re not feeling that satisfaction, perhaps you perceive a lack of appreciation for your efforts. It may not occur to anyone to say “thank you;” people sometimes assume that “thank you” goes without saying. Assumptions, of course, are often incorrect.
What if there is no one who can, or will, say “thank you”? That’s a tough reality, but we may as well see it for what it is. If that’s your situation, how can you guard against getting lost in unhappy ruminations of, “What’s the use? No one cares”?
The following suggestion might sound like pretending, but I’ll encourage you to give it a try anyway. What do you have to lose?
The suggestion: Find ways to recognize the value of your work yourself. You can’t control whether someone else will recognize your work, but you can control your own perception of it. So, if you were your own supervisor, what would you see?
For example, you could keep a log of the time spent on tasks. You could look for ways to improve the work, to become more efficient, more effective.
Also consider how you talk about the situation. When you have a conversation, you can choose to guide it in directions that lead to improvement and encouragement, rather than focusing on the misery. Consider, “Will this brighten anyone’s day? Will it encourage? Does it thoughts toward any beauty or joy, no matter how simple?”
So if you are a person who copes, then you have the power to recognize the value of what you are doing. Choose a perspective of purpose and improvement.
And if you are fortunate enough to have people who cope in your circle, tell them “thank you.” It helps.
Do you know people who cope? Are you one of them?