Reality Check: It Takes Two to Insult

They say that it takes two to tango, but that’s not all! Lots of activities depend on cooperation, and it’s important to cooperate in many situations.
Is cooperation always the right thing? Of course not. When it’s an evil, destructive, or relationship-destroying action, then our cooperation doesn’t make it better. Mind you, different people’s perceptions of which specific actions are evil, destructive, etc. are different. But in general, cooperating on positive things can lead to positive outcomes.
However, there are times when people cooperate automatically without realizing that’s what they are doing.
Cleo and I were reminiscing about our mutual friend, Henry. “He was lovable, but he was so insulting. He’d even insult you,” Cleo told me.
I thought back to my many conversations with Henry over the years. They were spirited discussions where we sometimes agreed but often disagreed about the “way things oughta be.” But I’d never felt insulted. Puzzling, isn’t it?
How could that be? Cleo insisted that Henry insulted everyone. Now it’s too late to ask Henry about his insults or anything else. But it still provides food for thought. Can one be insulted if they choose not to be?
Of course, people can say unkind things. Not everyone expresses their disagreements politely. Especially in times of high emotion, people who enjoy insulting and labeling sometimes launch insulting personal attacks.
I’ll offer two observations for your consideration. First, if one is inclined to dish out insults oneself, they are likely to receive insults in return. As few people like to feel that they’ve lost or been made to look foolish, that kind of discussion may turn into an aggressive insult fest. No hearts or minds are changed. Nothing is resolved. When both sides finally walk away; they are perhaps smug, triumphant, angry, or hurt.
My second observation is that some people are easily distressed. That is, they are “easily wound up.” Now, the person doing the insulting may find this response highly satisfying! They relish the amusement. It’s sad but true that some people satisfy their power need and relish their power to cause distress, sputtering, even tears. It’s not kind behaviour, but for some, it’s what they do.
If you perceive that you are one of those people who are easily hurt and often insulted, here’s a suggestion. Try recognizing that the perceived insults need your cooperation to work.
How? Here’s a picture for you. Think of the insults as aircraft buzzing around you. There are the tiny little insults, like drones that you barely notice and have gotten used to. Then there are the big jet liners, those honking big insults that shake you to the core.
But here’s the thing. Every craft needs a landing strip. For an insult to affect you, it needs to land in a receptive area. You don’t have to provide that. The insult may very well be flying around out there, but if you choose not to provide a space for it to land, you maintain your freedom from being insulted.
When we recognize that we don’t have to be insulted, we don’t have to be defined through someone else’s label, then we enter a new phase of personal freedom.
Did Henry ever insult me? We’ll never know his intentions, but I do know that I had great conversations with him. So even if he did lob insults, they never landed.
Do you ever feel insulted? How do you handle it?