What are the odds that you’ll happen to say something encouraging to someone who could really benefit from it at that very moment?
Encouragement is one of the seven caring habits that Dr. Glasser suggests will build relationships. Even if you don’t feel that you need to be into “relationship building,” building your encouragement skills can be beneficial for both you and for the people around you.
So, what are the odds? Probably not high, but it can make a real difference when one happens to receive encouragement at the right time. It’s also a gift for the giver to hear, “Thank you; I needed that.”
Now, I don’t want to raise your expectations here. Even if you do offer encouragement freely and generously, you may not hear a peep of grateful feedback as a result. Don’t be discouraged! Carry on with good cheer.
For one thing, we don’t know what is going on in other people’s lives. Maybe they are very grateful, but don’t know how to tell you. Maybe they’re embarrassed by their need for encouragement. Maybe they believe they were managing just fine without your uplifting words. We don’t know.
Some people are reluctant to disclose when they are in need of encouragement. They may perceive that their problems are much lighter than those of others around the world, so they don’t want to be a burden or express what they might see as complaints. Yet they may be suffering, and an encouraging word could make a significant difference.
What if you are not sure how to encourage? There are hundreds of encouraging phrases to be found, quotes such as, “In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity,” which may or may not be from Einstein. Are those types of phrases helpful? My answer is, “It depends.”
Some might perceive these phrases as clichés only suitable for home décor, but others can find them genuinely helpful reminders. Different people are different, but I believe that offering any form of encouragement, even a phrase from a greeting card, does send the message to a person that someone is thinking of them.
One of the most encouraging phrases I can think of is simply, “Thank you.” If you’re unsure of what to say, try examining the person’s situation from a viewpoint of, “Is there something that I can thank this person for?” You can probably find something. Perhaps many things. They may be simple; you may normally take them for granted.
Acknowledgement with gratitude is a powerful way of saying “the world needs more of that,” which is essentially saying, “the world needs more of you.” That can be powerful encouragement.
If you know someone who is both discouraged and confused, an encouragement option that you might consider could be along the lines of, “Let’s think about what you want in the long run.” Or, “Do you want to try to find a different way to look at your situation?”
So what are the odds? Maybe it’s one time in ten that you happen to offer an encouraging comment when it’s needed. Maybe it’s only one in a hundred. We can’t know for sure. What we can know is that one way to increase our “encouragement effectiveness” is to be generous with encouragement.
If you are feeling in need of encouragement, what would you like to hear? What would you find helpful? Equally important, what do you find not helpful?
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articles and observations inspired by the work of Dr. William GlasserCategories