Unpleasant emotions. Do you ever experience them? Sadness, anger, resentment… I suspect you can easily come up with a list of feelings you’d happily do without.
Worry may be on your list. You might think of it as anxiety, concern, or something else. No matter what you call it, it’s that ominous feeling that something bad is going to happen, there’s probably nothing you can do about it, but you can’t get it out of your head.
Your worry might be about something that affects you or someone you care about, or it could be a general worry about the community, the country, or even the whole world. Does that sound familiar?
There are certainly techniques we can use to help ease our minds. A suggestion from Choice Theory would be to take action when we are overwhelmed with an emotion. Do something physical, even it’s as simple as taking a walk. Physical action is surprisingly useful for changing thoughts and feelings.
Another option: rather than trying to change our worried feeling, we could try a different perspective. Can worry have useful, even helpful consequences? What might we find if we look from that perspective?
How about this…think of your worry as a pain. We generally don’t like pain; we want it to go away. But pain serves a useful purpose; it tells us that something is wrong. Pain motivates us to look into a problem, potentially before it becomes a bigger problem.
Perhaps the worry is directing our attention to something that we have neglected. The pain won’t go away because it really does have to be handled. Sometimes we just have to deal. Annoying, isn’t it?
If our worry is over something where we have some control, then that means there is something we can do. We may not like it. It may be uncomfortable or embarrassing or unpleasant. But taking any action, even one step, toward resolution can be surprisingly helpful. It may even set us on the path to solving the underlying problem.
Other potential consequences of worry involve relationships. What could happen when we share our worries? There can be upsides to letting some carefully chosen people know when we are troubled.
First, it can draw us closer and give us some comfort. Simply talking through our troubles and getting perspective from trusted people can help.
Another benefit is that we may learn that what we thought was our unique, insurmountable worry has been faced by others. And they’ve emerged, perhaps stronger than before! It’s reassuring to see that others have “been there” and that a way out may, indeed, be possible.
We may also get practical information. It’s sometimes startling to learn what useful suggestions people can offer.
A final consequence of sharing our worries may sound like a downside in the short term, but it’s useful in the long term. Conversations can help us distinguish between those who genuinely care for us versus those who only want to be around when things are going well. This doesn’t mean we need to change the relationship, but it’s helpful to be clear about who’s who when the going gets tough.
These upsides only come to fruition if we take some kind of action. The potential benefit of using the pain of worry as a stimulus to action only works if we pay attention and follow through. The relationship-related benefits will only happen if we take the initiative to talk to people.
What do you think? Am I trying too hard to extract an upside from a difficult emotion? How do you deal with worries?
