Is there an agenda for friendship? The term “agenda” is so often used negatively (as in “hidden agenda”) that the idea of a friendship agenda might seem cold or even devious. An agenda, though, is just a plan; whether it’s devious, compassionate, or neutral is up to the creator. Continue reading
A benefit of applying choice theory/reality therapy in your life is that you can gain personal freedom—the freedom that comes with understanding what you can and cannot control.
In previous columns, we’ve looked at situations where people attempt to coerce others into action using guilt. If you have ever been on the receiving end of that behaviour, Continue reading
When a guilty feeling pops up in your life, you know that it’s seldom accompanied by delight or satisfaction. It’s more likely that guilt brings with it unhappiness, resentment, perhaps even anger.
If you don’t enjoy letting those feelings have their way with you, then here’s a three-question strategy you can try. Perhaps you’ll find that feeling guilty is not your only choice; there may be other, more effective choices. Continue reading
Internal motivation is a foundation of choice theory/reality therapy. The idea is that our actions—the behaviours we choose—aren’t forced on us, but are the result of choices made in our own brains.
Because reality therapy views behaviour as not only what we do, but also what we think and feel, then internal motivation applies to our feelings, too.
Can anyone make you feel happy, sad, or angry? Continue reading
A world filled with possibilities—that’s a wonderfully freedom-filled way to look at the future. For Marci, however, determined to make one perfect career choice, all those possibilities seem more confusing than delightful.
Added to her confusion is a feeling of intimidation. Continue reading
“It’s overwhelming!” That’s Marci’s reaction to the decision she’s facing now. No longer content to drift in whatever direction life takes her, Marci has decided to choose a career.
Great! However, making effective choices is easier said than done. Continue reading
Do you ever feel that there are too many choices? From the big decisions (where to live? whom to trust?) to the tiny ones (which laundry detergent?) we’re surrounded by options. Choosing among them can be tiring work.
From one perspective, having so much choice offers immense freedom. However, instead of being delighted, we can be overwhelmed by all those options. Continue reading
Making life choices and learning how to get along can be hard work. Let’s try a light-hearted approach for a change. After all, according to reality therapy, everyone has a basic need for fun!
If you’re familiar with households that have both a cat and a dog, you know that pets develop their own ways of interacting. The cat may be dominant; the dog may be dominant. (Yeah, right.)
Consider the dog’s point of view. Continue reading
One self-defense strategy against cyber bullying, as I’d suggested in an earlier column, is to learn Choice Theory. That can help someone who feels attacked realize that other people don’t “make” us do things, and therefore choose more effective behaviours.
Great, but what if you’re not the target? Continue reading
The recent news of cyber bullying is a reminder of how “interesting” teenage life can be. While teasing, tormenting, and harassing behaviours have long existed; the apparent anonymity of the Internet emboldens some Continue reading
