The beginning of another year often inspires folks to look at their lives and choose to make resolutions to change. While we could resolve to make a change any time, it seems easier when others are doing it too…providing us with that cozy feeling of belonging!
New Year’s or not, it’s always a great time to Continue reading
Very simple ideas are sometimes the most effective when trying to improve a relationship. One such idea from choice theory that can help with relationship problems is the “solving circle.”
The solving circle is an abstract idea, so to make it more concrete, you could create an imaginary circle on the floor and put a couple of chairs inside. Here’s how it works… Continue reading
The idea of love & belonging goes naturally with any discussion of compatibility, doesn’t it? After all, isn’t that why couples become couples: to satisfy their need for love & belonging?
However, in choice theory, the strength of the love & belonging need is not defined as how much love & belonging we would like to receive, but rather, how much we are prepared to give. That’s a different kettle of fish, isn’t it?
If you feel that you’re not getting enough love & belonging from your partner, Continue reading
Continuing our discussion of compatibility and needs, let’s look at power. The word “power” can have negative connotations, but everyone has some need for it. In choice theory, power refers to the perfectly natural need for appreciation and recognition: knowing that you have value.
Choice theory suggests that relationships can be challenging for people who have a high level of the power need. Let’s see how… Continue reading
Compatibility is associated with our levels of basic needs, so when you choose a partner with the hope of living happily ever after, it’s helpful to have some idea of need levels. Let’s consider compatibility and its connection to survival/security.
First, what does this survival/security need look like? Continue reading
Is there someone for everyone? While Choice Theory doesn’t answer that question, it does propose an answer for why some couples are more compatible than others. So whether you are in a relationship, considering a relationship, or questioning why a relationship didn’t work out, you might find this theory eye-opening.
Do you know anyone who says they want to change, but whose actions lead away from the result they say they want? It happens, and it’s much easier to recognize that behaviour in others than in us. Of course, that could be because we never do it. But I digress…
Earlier, I’d mentioned Stephen, who says that he wants to reduce his spending because his security/survival is at risk. So, he enthusiastically lugged home inexpensive canned food from the big box store. Continue reading
How do you react when you are faced with a challenge? All of us have problems; however, different people choose different responses. Maynard’s usual approach, described in the last column, is to withdraw from people and concentrate on his problem. While that approach helped him successfully resolve his money issues, it hasn’t worked so well in his search for a relationship! Continue reading
Wouldn’t it be great if we could always choose the most effective behaviour for every situation? Wouldn’t that make our lives better and more satisfying?
Some people do lead more satisfying lives than others. And while fate or luck may make some contribution, Continue reading
“Honey, would you take out the trash?” “Honey, please take out the trash.” “Honey, Why do I have to keep telling you? The trash! The trash!” Continue reading
