Reality Check: For a fresh start, write your “wants”

Posted on January 6, 2013 by RealityCheck

Any time is an opportunity for a fresh start. We could work on improving our lives and relationships continuously, all year long. Just because we could, though, doesn’t mean that we do!

However, when a new year rolls around, it seems natural to get motivated and start doing things differently.

Why make changes? Choice Theory uses the metaphor of a scale to explain behaviour. Think of a teeter-totter—one end holds pictures of what you want; the other end holds your perceptions of what you have.

Do the ends match? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What’s wanted in workplaces? (cont’d)

Posted on December 24, 2012 by RealityCheck

What do business owners or managers want from their workers? One answer is “motivated employees.”

Regardless of whether the business creates products or sells services, ultimately, its success depends on the work of employees. Their motivation is key.

Managerial theories abound on how to “motivate” employees so they will do what you want them to do, and perhaps even do it with enthusiasm!  Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What’s wanted in workplaces?

Posted on December 15, 2012 by RealityCheck

Work and workplace discussions tend to draw out strong opinions. When you consider the numbers of employees who feel poorly treated, employers who feel that their workers don’t care, not to mention the workers who torment their fellow workers, it’s amazing that any work gets done at all!

Could your workplace be improved? Yours would be rare indeed if it’s functioning perfectly. What changes would be helpful? Let’s take a look at the workplace from the perspective of “wants.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Mottoes, Slogans, and Sayings

Posted on December 9, 2012 by RealityCheck

“Live your dream!” “Take pride in your work” “Be true to yourself!” “Have a great day!” We’ve all heard them, and maybe even used them. These are the slogans, mottoes, and sayings that we sometimes use to replace thoughtful conversation.

Companies use them to try to motivate their workforce. Coaches use them to inspire their charges to do their best. Inspirational speakers use them to encourage their audiences to reach for greater possibilities.

Are these sayings just another means for someone to tell us what to do?

Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Our label makers

Posted on December 2, 2012 by RealityCheck

Putting labels on things can be a very effective organizational activity. Whether you are looking for the cookies or the Robertson head screws, it will be easier to find them if the containers are labeled. Labeling can be a great timesaver!

While some labels are a statement of fact, other labels attach a value (good or bad, essentially). We can all agree on what a Robertson head screw is, but we may not all agree on whether it is superior to others. Labels that attach a value, such as good, bad, attractive, dreadful, worthwhile, or inferior are judgment calls. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Turning Work from Torment to Tolerable

Posted on November 25, 2012 by RealityCheck

When asked about her work, Billie used to say, “Every day is torment, pure and simple.” But not anymore. What changed? As Billie puts it, “I had a little conversation with myself.”

So, what was the problem? And how did Billie make this change? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: For Real?

Posted on November 18, 2012 by RealityCheck

There’s a thought-provoking TV commercial where a beautiful young woman expresses, “I believe the earth is our future; our children’s future.” The love-struck young fella across the table agrees, “We are so the same! For real!”

What a coincidence! What a delight! Two like-minded people finding each other, presumably to go on living happily ever after with their shared belief systems, shared values, and shared lives.

The ominous fly in the ointment, though, Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Shaking Off External Control

Posted on November 10, 2012 by RealityCheck

Last column, I described a mother-daughter conflict where mom, Sandy, tried to compel her daughter Chloe to study in a specific way. Sandy is convinced that she knows what’s best for Chloe.

Now, let’s look at the situation from Chloe’s perspective. What does Chloe see when Sandy attempts to bribe, coerce, threaten, and nag her into studying “Mom’s way”? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Ease off External Control

Posted on November 4, 2012 by RealityCheck

The Reality Therapy approach emphasizes that when we use external control, unhappy relationships are the likely result.

What is external control, exactly? In “Take Charge of Your Life,” Dr. Glasser says, “In a relationship, it is a belief that what we choose to do is right and what the other person does is wrong.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Windfall, Blessing or Burden?

Posted on October 28, 2012 by RealityCheck

Sophia has always wanted to be wealthy. Acquaintances might think that she had a comfortable life, but in Sophia’s mind, money was a constant challenge. She was certain that her life and her outlook would be completely different, if only she were rich.

Then, her childhood friend passed away without warning. Out of the blue, Sophia inherited a considerable sum of money. Even in Sophia’s own eyes, she was now a wealthy woman. This was sure to eliminate her worries! It was time to begin enjoying life.

Oddly, Sophia began to have trouble sleeping. Continue reading →

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