Reality Check: Taking Active Control

Gregory has been waiting for years for an appointment with a medical specialist. We know that it can feel like years when we’re waiting, but Gregory says that literally years have gone by without even an initial appointment.

That’s not under Gregory’s control, right? True. We don’t have control over medical waiting lists. So Gregory has passively sat by the phone, feeling more and more hopeless as he waits and hopes for that call. What can he do differently? Continue reading

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Reality Check: The Fairest of Them All

No, this column isn’t about Snow White; it’s about fairness. Of course, Snow White’s beauty did offer her an unfair advantage over the wicked queen. And, the wicked queen had the unfair advantage of power. Fairness is complicated, isn’t it?

Unlike some concepts, people grasp the idea of fairness without elaborate teaching. Tiny children easily manage an indignant, “That’s not fair!” should they perceive that someone is getting better treatment than they are. Continue reading

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Reality Check: Can’t, Won’t, Don’t? or Can, Will, Do?

I can’t, I won’t, I don’t want! There’s always something that we can’t do, won’t do, or don’t want. And, there are things that we can do, will do, and do want. Which is most helpful to focus on?

Elyssa has been concentrating on what she can’t have in her relationship with Henry. Continue reading

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Reality Check: Recognizing the Freedom to Choose

Once upon a time, Emma and William had a great relationship. Then, Emma decided she wanted to marry William, but William was reluctant to comply. Does the need for  freedom have an impact here?

Emma doesn’t think she’s seeking freedom; she wants commitment. Yet, she’s afraid that she’s “trapped”—forever a girlfriend, never a wife. Emma’s want is to be free of that trap. Continue reading

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Reality Check: Choice and Personal Freedom

The theory underlying Reality Therapy is outlined in the book, “Choice Theory,” with the subtitle, “A new psychology of personal freedom.”  What does choice theory have to do with personal freedom?

Dr. Glasser refers to the need for freedom as a basic need—we all have it. Choice theory encourages the personal freedom that comes from recognizing what you can and cannot control. Continue reading

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Reality Check: Thinking of “Thank You”

Self-help programs often promote the benefits of gratitude. Especially during those times when you are feeling particularly ungrateful, thinking and saying “thank you” can be really helpful.

Let’s say you wake up feeling grumpy. Sometimes it happens! There may be no reason for your grouchy mood; it’s just there. You might even sense the beginnings of a headache to round out this unpleasant morning experience.

There are two ways your day can go from here. Continue reading

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Reality Check: “Constructive” Criticism; Is it a Con?

People often try to be helpful, though it might not seem that way when you’re on the receiving end of their helpfulness. For example, think about how you would feel if you were told, “You seem awfully cranky. You should get more sleep.” Or how about this helpful information: “You look tired. You really should be taking vitamins.”

Everybody has an opinion, eh? The folks pointing out the error of your ways may have the best of intentions, but it feels a lot like criticism when it’s you that’s being “helped.” Continue reading

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Reality Check: Workable Conflict

A workable conflict is one where work can improve the situation. That’s in contrast to the other type of conflict—unworkable—where you’re truly between “a rock and a hard place” and no amount of work will result in improvement.

Workable conflicts are much more common than the unworkable types. That’s fortunate because Continue reading

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Reality Check: An Unworkable Conflict

Opportunities for conflict abound. That’s reality. Whether those conflicts grow into overwhelming difficulties or fade into minor irritations can depend largely on the choices we make. That’s reality therapy.

What behaviours are helpful when we’re faced with a conflict? Continue reading

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Reality Check: If Romeo and Juliet knew Choice Theory…

Great romances can make for great drama, and the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet pretty much takes the cake for drama, complexity, and unfortunate outcome.

Drama occurs in present-day romances too, Continue reading

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