Reality Check: Compatibility and need profiles

Posted on April 14, 2013 by RealityCheck

Last post, I suggested that it can be interesting and helpful to understand your need strength profile. That is, rate how strong each of these five basic needs are for you: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun.

What happens when two people get together with the hope of a long-term relationship? Now there are two sets of needs to consider! That combination may hold the ingredients for a deep, loving connection or for a more conflicted, challenging relationship. Which will it be? Continue reading →

Posted in Relationships | Tagged , | Comments Off on Reality Check: Compatibility and need profiles

Reality Check: Understanding your need strength profile

Posted on March 31, 2013 by RealityCheck

Choice Theory proposes that every human being has the same five basic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun. However, that doesn’t imply that we are identical; far from it!

The strength of each of those needs contributes to our personality. One person might have a high need for freedom; another might have a low need for freedom and a high need for fun.

Understanding one’s need strength profile can be helpful for a relationship. In his book, “Getting Together and Staying Together, Solving the Mystery of Marriage,” Dr. Glasser suggests that some need strength combinations offer more promising possibilities for a satisfying relationship than others. Continue reading →

Posted in Needs | Tagged , | Comments Off on Reality Check: Understanding your need strength profile

Reality Check: Rise or Sink?

Posted on March 24, 2013 by RealityCheck

Much like a community or a family, a workplace has its own atmosphere and culture. Some places are productive, filled with industrious people who are happy at their work. Other workplaces seem angry or sullen, where even simple tasks take enormous effort.

Fred has always been a keen worker, and he used to be confident that he could be successful anywhere. Although happily employed, he decided to move to another company, based on his understanding of the great opportunities offered there. He set his sights on becoming a top performer, working hard to get noticed and to advance.

A few years later, his view of this new workplace has dimmed. Continue reading →

Posted in Workplace | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: Rise or Sink?

Reality Check: Hot Buttons

Posted on March 17, 2013 by RealityCheck

“He pushes my buttons! He knows that I have a temper so he gets me going; then he walks away smirking as if he had nothing to do with it. He does it on purpose to get me into trouble. It shouldn’t be allowed. Everybody knows I can’t help it.”

That’s Samantha’s perception of her interactions with Daniel. He taunts her, embarrasses her, and attempts to make her life miserable. When he starts smirking, she feels her face get hot and her tantrum starts. Continue reading →

Posted in Choosing Behaviour | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: Hot Buttons

Reality Check: One Small Kind Act

Posted on March 3, 2013 by RealityCheck

Reality Therapy emphasizes our need for relationships. That’s not radical; it makes sense that being able to get along with others generally leads to a more satisfying life.

So what if you need to deal with someone who dislikes you? Or who seems to have a nasty grudge against the whole world? Can you think of anyone like that? Someone who’s cranky, uncooperative, or just plain hard to get along with? What do you do? Continue reading →

Posted in Relationships | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: One Small Kind Act

Reality Check: They “should” know…

Posted on February 24, 2013 by RealityCheck

Alice is fuming, but you’d never know it. She’s choosing to keep her frustrations hidden, and having chosen this “internal fuming” behaviour throughout her life, she’s mastered the skill. No one would know.

We choose certain behaviours because they seem like a good idea at the time. For Alice, this internal fuming behaviour has worked well for her during past situations. When we have a behaviour that’s worked well, we have a tendency to choose it again and again. Continue reading →

Posted in How it is sometimes | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: They “should” know…

Reality Check: What do you do?

Posted on February 10, 2013 by RealityCheck

“What do you do?” It’s a simple conversation starter. When you’re introduced, it’s natural to ask about occupations.

However, if you’re unemployed and feeling uncertain about your place in the working world, you might perceive, “What do you do?” as more of an attack than an innocent inquiry. Or perhaps you’ve never worked outside of the home, and “what you do” is a sensitive issue for you. Continue reading →

Posted in How it is sometimes | Tagged , | Comments Off on Reality Check: What do you do?

Reality Check: Evaluate your Information

Posted on February 3, 2013 by RealityCheck

Is depression linked to drinking diet drinks? Do teenage drivers have more daytime accidents than at night? And can you really prevent diabetes by eating more cheese?

A new day; a new study. The media breathlessly reports what we now “should” (or shouldn’t) be doing. Sometimes they contradict each other. What’s a body to do? Continue reading →

Posted in Choosing Behaviour | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: Evaluate your Information

Reality Check: Must we disagree?

Posted on January 27, 2013 by RealityCheck

Do you want to get along with others? With all kinds of people in the world, each with our different beliefs and values, it’s impossible to agree with everyone. Sometimes those disagreements are minor, while others cut to the very core of what we care about.

If all you want is to get along, then it may be helpful to avoid discussing politics, religion, or anything of substance and stick to the weather, on which we can (mostly) agree. But where is the fun in that? Continue reading →

Posted in Relationships | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: Must we disagree?

Reality Check: Hoped-for results

Posted on January 13, 2013 by RealityCheck

Many of us like to think that we base our important decisions on facts and logic. Sometimes, however, our “hoped-for” results crowd out our logical assessments.

Let’s look at Molly and Bill, whose life together includes a home and small children. They struggle with money, with family, and sometimes with each other. However, they share a commitment to create a loving environment for their children.

From their struggles, Molly perceives that Bill has little respect for her intelligence. Although he’ll ask her opinion, it seems to Molly that he responds by doing just the opposite! Continue reading →

Posted in Choosing Behaviour | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Reality Check: Hoped-for results