Reality Check: Both Sides Now

Posted on June 28, 2013 by RealityCheck

No matter how close two people are, they will have differences. What do we do when we differ? Sometimes we blame: “It’s your fault…” We might try bribery: “If you come home, I’ll let you go fishing.” Or we might choose to criticize, nag, or complain.

The common factor among those behaviors (known as the “deadly habits”) is that they are destructive to relationships. The more you use them, the bigger the wedge you drive between the two of you.

Choice Theory suggests a more effective way to resolve differences or prevent conflicts: negotiate. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Goal

Posted on June 16, 2013 by RealityCheck

One term that’s used in goal setting is the BHAG—that stands for the Big Hairy Audacious Goal. (No, I’m not making this up.) Even if your goals are neither hairy nor audacious, the principle of setting goals and maintaining awareness of them aligns well with choice theory.

Let’s see how awareness of her BHAG might affect Missy. Although still young, she already has a history of unsatisfactory work experiences. Her unhappiness doesn’t stem from the work; it is always related to difficult relationships with coworkers. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: A Tale of Two Dates

Posted on June 9, 2013 by RealityCheck

This column isn’t about dried fruit, nor am I attempting to take over from Ann Landers! I’ve chosen the topic of dates because young (and not-so-young) folks can find it difficult to recognize the true nature of a potential partner.

On a date, both people are presumably on their best behaviour. Time passes, perhaps they move in together, behaviours change. Will that change be positive? Are there “truth indicators” to look for? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Criticism—The Great Dissatisfier

Posted on June 2, 2013 by RealityCheck

Do you seek to be the best you can be? Aspiring to excellence is a wonderful motivator. Actions that you take to improve yourself, your work, and your relationships can have a positive impact on your quality of life.

Do you seek to have the people around you—your loved ones—to be the best they can be? It’s natural that you would like to see the people you care for most of all to be happy, healthy, and satisfied.

But what if you see behaviour in those loved ones that you believe won’t lead to the best for that person? Very often, people choose to respond with criticism. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Mirror, Mirror continued

Posted on May 26, 2013 by RealityCheck

Last time, I introduced you to Sam, who has been having conflicts with just about everyone, most recently including the law. As you care about Sam, you want to help.

Sam has already told you that he doesn’t want to be told what to do; he wants to be independent. It’s clear to you, however, that if Sam continues his current direction, he’ll more likely end up with a life in custody than a life of freedom.

While we can’t control anyone other than ourselves, we can offer information. Because Sam may perceive any discussion as an effort to control him, you could suggest that Sam “hold up a mirror.” That is, ask Sam questions that help him evaluate his own behaviour, for himself. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Mirror, Mirror

Posted on May 19, 2013 by RealityCheck

 If you’ve ever watched someone you care about act in ways that are non-effective, or even self-destructive, then you know how difficult it is to stand by. You may feel that you need to say or do something.

Samuel’s family has been experiencing the distress that comes with watching Sam—as they put it—“throw his life away.” According to his family, Sam has fallen in with the wrong crowd. He’s become defiant, insolent, and “out of control.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Saddle Up!

Posted on May 12, 2013 by RealityCheck

The professional organization that’s associated with teaching the world Choice Theory occasionally sends out inspirational quotes. A recent one came from an unexpected source: John Wayne.

According to the Duke, “Courage is when you are scared to death, but you saddle up anyway.”

What’s the choice theory connection? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The computer made me do it…

Posted on May 5, 2013 by RealityCheck

Can a computer “make” you mad? If you’ve ever sat in front of one when things aren’t going well, you understand the question!

Whatever the problem: the printer won’t print, the email won’t email, or google declines to google, you’re sure it’s not your fault. Even when you recognize that it could be your fault, it’s still tempting to look for something, or someone, to blame. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Perception and Schooling

Posted on April 28, 2013 by RealityCheck

Perceptions we form about ourselves during school days can influence us long after what we’ve learned at school is a dusty memory.

Brandon has the perception that he can’t do math. Where did he get that? Perhaps his parents told him that he inherited his inability from them. Maybe he had an unpleasant math teacher. Maybe his classmates taunted him, suggesting he was “slow.”

Whatever the reason, Brandon has been studious indeed since school—studiously avoiding numbers, that is! His wife handles the family money. At work, others surreptitiously cover for him whenever math is involved. Although he’s still young, Brandon recognizes that he has gone as far as he can go, all because he “can’t” do math. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Fight That Never Happens

Posted on April 21, 2013 by RealityCheck

Does the tension and stress in your life contribute to your physical health? Likely so. Is there anything that you can do about it? That’s the big question, isn’t it?   Continue reading →

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