Reality Check: Our label makers

Posted on December 2, 2012 by RealityCheck

Putting labels on things can be a very effective organizational activity. Whether you are looking for the cookies or the Robertson head screws, it will be easier to find them if the containers are labeled. Labeling can be a great timesaver!

While some labels are a statement of fact, other labels attach a value (good or bad, essentially). We can all agree on what a Robertson head screw is, but we may not all agree on whether it is superior to others. Labels that attach a value, such as good, bad, attractive, dreadful, worthwhile, or inferior are judgment calls. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Turning Work from Torment to Tolerable

Posted on November 25, 2012 by RealityCheck

When asked about her work, Billie used to say, “Every day is torment, pure and simple.” But not anymore. What changed? As Billie puts it, “I had a little conversation with myself.”

So, what was the problem? And how did Billie make this change? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: For Real?

Posted on November 18, 2012 by RealityCheck

There’s a thought-provoking TV commercial where a beautiful young woman expresses, “I believe the earth is our future; our children’s future.” The love-struck young fella across the table agrees, “We are so the same! For real!”

What a coincidence! What a delight! Two like-minded people finding each other, presumably to go on living happily ever after with their shared belief systems, shared values, and shared lives.

The ominous fly in the ointment, though, Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Shaking Off External Control

Posted on November 10, 2012 by RealityCheck

Last column, I described a mother-daughter conflict where mom, Sandy, tried to compel her daughter Chloe to study in a specific way. Sandy is convinced that she knows what’s best for Chloe.

Now, let’s look at the situation from Chloe’s perspective. What does Chloe see when Sandy attempts to bribe, coerce, threaten, and nag her into studying “Mom’s way”? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Ease off External Control

Posted on November 4, 2012 by RealityCheck

The Reality Therapy approach emphasizes that when we use external control, unhappy relationships are the likely result.

What is external control, exactly? In “Take Charge of Your Life,” Dr. Glasser says, “In a relationship, it is a belief that what we choose to do is right and what the other person does is wrong.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Windfall, Blessing or Burden?

Posted on October 28, 2012 by RealityCheck

Sophia has always wanted to be wealthy. Acquaintances might think that she had a comfortable life, but in Sophia’s mind, money was a constant challenge. She was certain that her life and her outlook would be completely different, if only she were rich.

Then, her childhood friend passed away without warning. Out of the blue, Sophia inherited a considerable sum of money. Even in Sophia’s own eyes, she was now a wealthy woman. This was sure to eliminate her worries! It was time to begin enjoying life.

Oddly, Sophia began to have trouble sleeping. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Manipulation and Consequences

Posted on October 21, 2012 by RealityCheck

You’ve heard of manipulators, haven’t you? Perhaps you’ve even been the “victim” of a manipulator (or perceive yourself that way.)

It can seem as if manipulative people manage to get what they want, and it’s always at someone else’s expense. Let’s take a closer look.

First, we’ll consider the situation of a sweet young gal who seeks out a lonely, wealthy, older man, whom I’ll refer to as the “target.” Her goal: a fat payday in a short time with minimal effort. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What’s fair in love and chores?

Posted on October 14, 2012 by RealityCheck

A recent study by a Norwegian researcher generated headlines with its conclusion that couples who share housework equally are more likely to divorce than couples where women do most of the household chores.

Almost simultaneously, a British study concluded that men who contribute to chores feel better and have a better sense of work-life balance. Contradiction or what?

While I don’t put much stock in such conclusions, they inspire an interesting question. How can a couple have a happy relationship while dealing with the unpleasant day-to-day necessities, such as chores? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Optimism or Pessimism: Can you choose?

Posted on October 7, 2012 by RealityCheck

If pessimism has a hold on you, the idea that you can choose optimism instead won’t sound very realistic.

What is optimism, anyway? Reality therapy says that behaviour has four aspects: thinking, feeling, action, and physiological effects. You can “feel optimistic,” “think optimistically,” and “act like an optimist.”

Is a life filled with optimism more satisfying than one of pessimism? That’s up to you to decide. Different folks find different ways to live satisfying lives. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: To be belittled, or not to be…

Posted on September 30, 2012 by RealityCheck

When Sonja met Harry, she found a man who seemed almost too good to be true. Kind and generous, Harry was genuinely concerned about Sonja’s welfare. And unlike Sonja’s previous relationship, Harry demanded no changes on her part.

In this relationship, one without criticism or complaints, Sonja thought it possible that she had finally found “the one.” She felt like a princess in a fairy tale.

A fairy tale beginning is not a bad thing. Continue reading →

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