Reality Check: Speak up or stand down?

Posted on August 13, 2012 by RealityCheck

We each have our special qualities, yet groups of us share characteristics, such as whether one is an introvert or extravert. In her book, “Gifts Differing,” Isabel Briggs Myers states that there are more extraverts than introverts, with extraverts being “more vocal” than introverts.

The implication is that those numerous extraverts are ready and willing to offer their opinions, suggestions, and comments at the drop of a hat, while introverts, for whom it’s natural to remain silent, prefer to leave their thoughts unspoken, even when asked. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Who’s the most effective saboteur?

Posted on August 6, 2012 by RealityCheck

Amanda and Annie are cousins. They have similar backgrounds, and they have faced similar challenges throughout their lives.

There’s a significant difference between Amanda and Annie’s lives, though. Whenever a setback arises, Amanda is easily thrown off course while Annie seems to find a way to overcome it. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What is closure, and how does one get it?

Posted on July 29, 2012 by RealityCheck

Whether you have wronged someone or someone has wronged you, healing sometimes involves closure. Closure implies putting the event behind you; “closing the door,” so to speak.

How does one get closure?

Rachel was Emily’s best friend, but no longer. In a misguided attempt to be popular, Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Worry Stoppers

Posted on July 22, 2012 by RealityCheck

“It is within your power to feel better.” That’s according to Dr. Bob Wubbolding, in “A Set of Directions for Putting and Keeping Yourself Together.”

How much power do you have over your feelings? In choice theory, we say that a feeling is part of a whole “package” of behaviour, which includes our thoughts and actions. By changing what you are thinking and doing, you have the power to change your feelings.

What triggers feelings of worry for you? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Behaviour of Worrying

Posted on July 14, 2012 by RealityCheck

Whether it’s a significant fear or just a twinge of uneasiness, most folks experience the state of “being worried” from time to time.

A variety of actions and thoughts come along for the ride when our main behaviour is worrying. Are there common threads? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Purpose and Information

Posted on July 7, 2012 by RealityCheck

Nick has literally been handed his purpose in life and it certainly didn’t appear on a silver platter. No, his purpose rolled up in a stroller, in the form of his son Kyle.

As suggested last column, Nick has mixed feelings about his role as a single parent. While he wants to do the responsible thing, there’s no doubt that it will cramp his lifestyle.

The loss of his freedom is not Nick’s main concern, however. Though he wouldn’t want to admit it, Nick is frightened. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Purpose and Power

Posted on June 30, 2012 by RealityCheck

It’s easy to mistake the “power need” that’s identified in reality therapy for something negative. People who want to lead lives filled with good relationships might perceive that they have no need for power; that is, they don’t need or want power over other people.

However, one interpretation of this basic need for power is simply that it’s the need to recognize, for yourself, that you have value. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Overcoming a longstanding upset

Posted on June 25, 2012 by RealityCheck

If you seek out self-development resources for inspiration, then you already know that gurus, teachers, and coaches suggest that it’s helpful to have a positive outlook. But what if that positivity eludes you?

Tashia “knows” that anyone she meets is going to think badly of her. She’s self-conscious about everything: her weight, her posture, her work, her apartment, even her intelligence. And it’s all because of an incident that she’ll never forget.

One day when Tashia was in junior high, Continue reading →

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Reality Check: To Temper a Temper

Posted on June 17, 2012 by RealityCheck

Aren’t words fun? The phrase “to temper” means to calm, whereas a person who “has a temper” is angry. If you have a temper, do you have a choice? Or is your temper out of your control?

Josie has a temper and she knows it. She’s described as “fiery” and she doesn’t see that as a bad thing. After all, no one messes with her! Everyone knows exactly where she stands, and if other people can’t get along with her, well, that’s their problem.

Then Josie was blessed with a daughter—the sweetest, most innocent little creature that was ever placed on this earth. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Pride and Perceptions

Posted on June 14, 2012 by RealityCheck

Katie had set out in her pursuit of work with high expectations. After multiple rejections for lack of experience, she’d been recommended for a program to help her gain experience. It wasn’t glamorous, but she’d finally be working.

At first, Katie was excited. She’s on her way!

Then she told her friends, and suddenly Continue reading →

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