Tag Archives: internal & external control

Reality Check: Taking Active Control

Gregory has been waiting for years for an appointment with a medical specialist. We know that it can feel like years when we’re waiting, but Gregory says that literally years have gone by without even an initial appointment. That’s not … Continue reading

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Behavioural Choices and Learning

Last column, I introduced the learning challenges of Suzi and Simon. Suzi used to perceive learning as fun until that day when she missed the introduction to algebraic equations. Now, she fears that she’s lost that and every future math … Continue reading

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Everybody’s still picking on Johnny

Firmly fixed in Johnny’s mind is the idea that life is unfair. More specifically, life is unfair to him. Whether it’s at work, with his parents, his teachers, even with his friends, Johnny often feels as if he is under … Continue reading

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Everybody picks on Johnny, part 2

Johnny feels picked on. He is sure that he is treated unfairly compared to others. Even worse, he is convinced that it’s the story of his entire life. When I introduced Johnny in an earlier column, I suggested that he … Continue reading

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Wherever you go, there you are

We all need others to some degree. In reality therapy, that’s referred to as the need for love and belonging. Our lives are more satisfying when we can spend time with people we care about. However, there are benefits to … Continue reading

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The Unspoken Bargain

Have you ever entered into a bargain without realizing it? Alice did, and now she’s getting a daily dose of frustration from an arrangement she thought would be to her benefit. Here’s her story. 

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The Helping Agenda

To finish up this series on agendas in relationships, let’s take a look at a “helping” relationship. This could be a counselling relationship, but I’ll look at a simpler relationship, such as with a coach or a mentor. When one … Continue reading

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The Friendship Agenda

Is there an agenda for friendship? The term “agenda” is so often used negatively (as in “hidden agenda”) that the idea of a friendship agenda might seem cold or even devious. An agenda, though, is just a plan; whether it’s … Continue reading

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Are you guilt-ing?

A benefit of applying choice theory/reality therapy in your life is that you can gain personal freedom—the freedom that comes with understanding what you can and cannot control. In previous columns, we’ve looked at situations where people attempt to coerce … Continue reading

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Guilty? Or Not Guilty?

Internal motivation is a foundation of choice theory/reality therapy. The idea is that our actions—the behaviours we choose—aren’t forced on us, but are the result of choices made in our own brains. Because reality therapy views behaviour as not only … Continue reading

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