Reality Check: Helpful and Unhelpful Conversations

Posted on October 1, 2023 by RealityCheck

People talk. We often take it for granted, but the fact that we are able to communicate really is one of the delights of being human. It enables us to learn, create, innovate, and express emotion. Our communication is not always perfect, of course. For example, it helps if we develop our listening skills as well as our talking skills. But in general, communication is a wonderful thing.
After some conversations, both people walk away satisfied. Some conversations are learning experiences; they bring clarity or uncover helpful information. Conversations can also bring people closer, by supporting, encouraging and helping each other.
Those are effective conversations, aren’t they? It’s a win-win when both people can move on with new understandings.
Then, there are those other conversations Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Naming Names

Posted on September 26, 2023 by RealityCheck

The previous post about head-banging (and how we might avoid it), has encouraged me to look further at communications. If we deliberately choose how we communicate, might that help with everyday problems?
Everyone has difficulties that have to be dealt with. Some are big; others small, but the reality of difficulty will always exist. Achieving a solution often requires cooperation from others. So, how we communicate plays a big role in whether we have successful, effective interactions. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Instead of Head-Banging…

Posted on September 26, 2023 by RealityCheck

You may have heard that “customer service ain’t what it used to be.” This may be true. While I’m not convinced that poor service is universal, I’ve certainly heard anecdotes that indicate appalling lack of care. It’s enough to make you want to bang your head against the wall, right?
However, you and I know that there’s only one person who gets hurt when we bang our heads—that would be us. Besides, we have other choices available. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: I Wonder…

Posted on September 26, 2023 by RealityCheck

Are you dealing with a challenging problem now? Do you see one coming up in the future? Or maybe you’ve recently resolved a problem. Problems are pretty common, so it’s not unusual to be in one of those boats at any time.
When we have a problem, it doesn’t always occur to us that we can choose how we approach it. Instead, our automatic responses kick in. Maybe dread is familiar to you, as in, “What else will go wrong?” Resentment is common too, “Why does this always happen to me?” And then there’s pessimism, “It’s going to be a disaster.”
We may not have much choice in those immediate feelings, but Dr. Glasser suggests that we do have some control. We can choose our thoughts and actions, and through those, change our feelings. But, what would we want to change to? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Fast or Slow?

Posted on September 3, 2023 by RealityCheck

As I was working on a project that hasn’t been proceeding as quickly and smoothly as I would like, I received an emailed newsletter.
Now, here’s something that both you and I know about work. When doing a task that requires concentration, we must be diligent. We must guard against distractions. Don’t let them in. Don’t be tempted. It’s especially important to be diligent when the work isn’t going very well.
Unless you have much better self-discipline that I, you may have also experienced the reality that knowing the right thing to do doesn’t mean that we’re going to do it. This is a roundabout way of telling you that I immediately distracted myself with the newsletter and temporarily abandoned the task at hand. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Attentive Gardener

Posted on August 27, 2023 by RealityCheck

“The best fertilizer is the footsteps of the gardener.” Why? What is it about a gardener’s footsteps that would help a garden grow?
While I fall far short from being an enthusiastic gardener, even I know that it’s hard to walk through a planted area without pulling out a stray weed, picking off a dead blossom, or splashing some water on the parched spots. This is hardly attentive gardening, but even a little attention is far, far more helpful than no attention at all. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Fear or Excitement?

Posted on August 20, 2023 by RealityCheck

Do you live with a feeling of fear? Or maybe you call it dread, anxiety, or worry. It’s a troubling feeling, no matter which name we use.
Our fears may be valid. There’s plenty to worry about. And it’s surprisingly difficult to discern the truth about whether what we fear is a genuine threat, a minor threat, or not a real threat at all.
Even when our fears are valid, there are downsides to letting them take us over. For one thing, it makes life miserable. Fear colours everything—how we interact, how we work, how we play. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Stories of Hope

Posted on August 13, 2023 by RealityCheck

In a parking lot the other day, I was approached by a young woman we’ll call Libby. I’d known her years ago, and it was a delight to see her and catch up.
Her story was brimming with positives. A new child, a stable job working with people she likes, a good home situation, activities that keep her and her children engaged and looking forward to the future. Refreshing, eh?
We hear so many stories of despair. I’m sure you know them well. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Quest For What You Want

Posted on August 6, 2023 by RealityCheck

What do you want? Is that a question worth thinking about? Some believe it’s selfish to think about what we want. Others see it as futile; if you believe you can’t get what you want, why bother asking?
Yet “wants” play an important role in our lives. In the Reality Therapy process called WDEP, that very first letter, W, stands for wants. What we want is connected to what we value, including the people and principles we care about. Wants are not just about things. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Do You Have a Happiness Sweet Spot?

Posted on July 23, 2023 by RealityCheck

When Goldilocks visited the three bears, she did a couple of experiments before she found the bowl of porridge that was not too hot and not too cold. She looked for the “just right” sweet spot for porridge.
The idea of a sweet spot isn’t limited to fairy tales though. Among his suggestions for maximizing happiness, Dr. Gad Saad specifically recommends seeking the sweet spot—that ideal position between extremes—for many areas in our lives.
Take stress, for example. Continue reading →

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