Reality Check: The Seeds of Goodwill

Posted on October 13, 2024 by RealityCheck

One day a few months back, a person I consider to be something of a mentor for me was taken ill. We are not closely connected, but I respect his work and consider him a trustworthy advisor.
So I sent him a note. It was a physical note on a piece of paper, which you may recognize is a bit of a rarity these days. Sending a note is hardly a big action on my part, but I found it satisfying to do it. With that act, small as that was, I had done what I could. I believed it was an appropriate expression of goodwill.
Quite some time later, I was astounded to receive a most kind response. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: To Speak or To Hold Your Peace

Posted on October 6, 2024 by RealityCheck

Do you ever have moments in conversation when you wonder, “Should I speak up? Or is it better to bite my tongue?”
In some cases, it can seem like we don’t even have a choice. Let’s say someone has said something hurtful about you or one you love. We might reflexively lash out. No choice, right?
Yet even then, do we really have no choice? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What We Tell Ourselves

Posted on September 22, 2024 by RealityCheck

Do you talk to yourself? Some people have a rich inner conversation going on in their heads all the time; others have no idea what I’m referring to. That’s just another reminder of how different people are!
This column is targeted toward folks who do know what it means to have some kind of internal monologue. There seem to be quite a few of us, too. We use our internal conversations to help us think things through, to envision, create, and to work out problems.
Those conversations sometimes include asking questions of ourselves. For example, we might ask, “I wonder what I’ll be doing in five years” “Does X like me?” or “Should I get a new kitten?” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Seize the Moment

Posted on September 15, 2024 by RealityCheck

Is today one of those days when you feel like you could take on the world? Or…not so much?
Our moods and energies can affect our results. When you’re feeling positive and energetic, have you seen that people treat you better? Do you have better success? Do other people seem happier too? Even if something unpleasant happens, are you better able to handle it?
Whether we feel on top of the world or down in the dumps can seem a mystery. Choice Theory does offer suggestions to gain more effective control over our feelings, but for this column, I’ll look at one way to take advantage of those moments when we are at the top of our game. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: That First Impulse

Posted on September 9, 2024 by RealityCheck

“Follow your heart.” This phrase is on T-shirts, plaques, coffee mugs. People quote it and presumably rely on it as a guiding principle. Let’s take a look at what that might mean. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Honk, Honk!

Posted on September 1, 2024 by RealityCheck

Did you hear the story about the driverless cars that got into an argument in a parking lot and kept honking at each other? Funny story! Funny, that is, unless you live in the neighbourhood and don’t enjoy a 4AM wakeup call.
The story stands out for me because of the impersonal nature of the problem. One of the neighbours said, “There’s no one for me to go down there and have a conversation with….That’s the most frustrating thing; you’re just yelling into the void.”
When we speak to a human, even if they are blowing their horn at the time, we can at least draw satisfaction from having made our case. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Benefit of Small Inspirations

Posted on August 26, 2024 by RealityCheck

While cleaning my desk, I happened to bump the mouse, causing a video to begin playing on my computer.
This video is not a professional production. It’s a little wobbly; the product of somebody who happened to have their phone out during a memorable event.
And this was a memorable event indeed, worthy of being recorded. It captures a few minutes during a high school graduation ceremony when the principal, Dr. Marcus Gause, belts out an a cappella version of “I Will Always Love You” to his students.
In case you don’t remember this song, the lyrics speak of love, the necessity of partings, and wishes for love in the future. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Value of Patches

Posted on August 18, 2024 by RealityCheck

“Patches make the goodbye harder still…” Decades ago, you could hear the song “Oh Very Young” playing everywhere. The artist, formerly known as Cat Stevens, sang of growing up, of life, and in this line, of discarding favourite old jeans.
It’s not hard to find South Shore residents who can’t bear to throw things out. If it’s at all usable, we like to see someone make use of it. We hate waste. Even if it has patches. After all, what does a patch say? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Expectations and the Pictures We Carry

Posted on August 11, 2024 by RealityCheck

Whenever two or more people get together and talk, we have an opportunity to share joy, to create understanding, and to deepen relationships. Getting together can be such fun!
Getting together also creates an opportunity for conflict, and there’s plenty of that, also. Some conflicts are simple disagreements over trivial matters. Others reflect profoundly different viewpoints about how things ought to be.
Even if we can’t remove the conflicts from our lives; it could be helpful if we can develop more understanding of them. To that end, I’ll suggest using a particular Choice Theory concept, the “Quality World,” as a tool to guide us. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: When We Don’t See Eye to Eye

Posted on August 4, 2024 by RealityCheck

A snippet of overheard conversation reminded me of a common source of relationship conflicts. It’s the idea that the people close to you should share your opinions.
In this case, a young woman we’ll call Liz was venting her frustration about a family member named Ella. As Liz sees it, Ella is on the wrong side of many of the hot-button issues of the day. How can she be expected to love and get along with someone who is so very wrong? Continue reading →

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