Reality Check: Looking for Light in the Tunnel

Posted on June 25, 2023 by RealityCheck

A while back, an intriguing message landed in my Inbox. It began: “The world is increasingly designed to depress us. Happiness isn’t very good for the economy…”
My skeptical nature kicked in. Is that true? I wondered. It didn’t take long to find that the quote came from a book titled “Reasons to Stay Alive” by Matt Haig. It’s a collection of short chapters where Haig details his experience with depression and anxiety. His disclosures are both painful and hopeful. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Having Trouble Getting Started?

Posted on June 18, 2023 by RealityCheck

Wait, delay, and put it off.
For some people, procrastination is practically an identity, as in, “I’ve always been a procrastinator and that’s just who I am.” This is fine, until it’s not.
Putting off can ultimately result in poor decisions, when we’re rushed into a less-than-ideal situation because we’ve delayed till there’s no time left to think. Procrastination can cause misery. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: When We Make A Change

Posted on June 11, 2023 by RealityCheck

The scenario outlined in my recent column on people-pleasing prompted comments from readers who agree—in that situation, it would be helpful if the people-pleaser made some changes.
When we’re in a relationship where one person attempts to control the other, changing our behaviour might improve things. We might become happier! The other person might be happier too, if they realize that they’ve been relieved of the burden of making sure that we’re behaving properly.
Even though “change what we’re doing” sounds like an obvious solution, changing is hard. It’s a venture into the unknown. What will happen? Will things be better or worse? We don’t know for sure. Even if we were sure that a change would help us, once we’ve built up a habit, it’s hard to break free of it. What will people think if we start acting differently? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Are You Afraid That You’re Missing Out?

Posted on June 4, 2023 by RealityCheck

The phrase “fear of missing out” is so well-known that it has its own acronym: FOMO. Don’t fret if you hadn’t heard that before. You didn’t miss out on anything. Not really.
However, if you’re a person who hates to miss out on a great deal, pitches like “Time Limited Offer!” and “Don’t Miss Out!” can be irresistible. The marketing folks know that, you know.
But we don’t need marketers to feed our fears of missing out. If you’re spending much time exploring other people’s lives, you may be doing it to yourself. How so? If you approach your exploration from a “missing out” mindset, what are you likely to see? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What We Want and What We Control

Posted on May 28, 2023 by RealityCheck

One of the structured processes used in Reality Therapy is known as WDEP, where the W stands for Wants. That is, the first step in the process is—Figure out what you want! You’d think that would be simple, wouldn’t you?
Some people have their wants perfectly clear in their minds. They can even find ways to go about achieving them. For others, it’s not always so straightforward. Why not?
We probably want more than one thing, and those wants don’t come with a guarantee that they are possible to achieve. For example, we may have wants for ourselves, such as “I want to be respected by my family,” or “I want to have a home of my own,” Or “I want to run a marathon.”
We might also have wants for other people, such as “I want my friend to be healed,” or “I want my son to find his true love” or “I want X and Y to get along better.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Have To? Or Get To?

Posted on May 21, 2023 by RealityCheck

The language we use makes a difference. We know that a poor choice of words can strain or even destroy a relationship. Likewise, an inspiring choice of words, especially when delivered in a stirring manner, can motivate people to try harder, to have confidence, to go beyond what we might have thought possible.
Motivational speakers, writers, movie-makers and other persuaders use their language skills to inspire and influence. Choosing words carefully and delivering them effectively can change what people think. Language can bring people together or pull people apart. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Ups and Downs of People Pleasing

Posted on May 14, 2023 by RealityCheck

Jo is upset. She would like to please her friend Maggie but if she does, she’ll end up unhappy with herself.
Maggie is insisting that Jo spend essentially all of her free time with her. We all know that no matter how delightful the friend, we don’t want to spend all of our free time with them. We have things to do. Or not do, for that matter.
Adding to Jo’s distress is that she doesn’t really enjoy her time with Maggie. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What a Gift Can Do

Posted on May 7, 2023 by RealityCheck

Gift-giving occasions are so common that they can seem like an obligatory nuisance or, more cynically, a corporate effort to boost consumerism. However, a thoughtful gift can have a genuine impact. Giving a gift can show that you care.
Yet even when we’re choosing gifts for people close to us, it can be hard to come up with the “right” gift.
Recent columns about basic needs sparked an idea—let’s consider gift choices from the perspective of basic needs. That is, is there a gift that could help your loved one satisfy their basic needs?
According to Choice Theory, those five basic needs are: security & survival, love & belonging, power, freedom and fun. Let’s consider the basic needs of a friend we’ll call Kelly. What might we choose? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Louder than Thoughts or Feelings

Posted on April 30, 2023 by RealityCheck

“Actions speak louder than words” is an old saying. Do you think it’s true? Many of us do. Words can be empty but actions demonstrate who we really are.
Choice Theory offers an extension to that idea by suggesting that actions can actually change our thoughts and feelings. How might this work? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Paths We Select Through Our Choices

Posted on April 23, 2023 by RealityCheck

One of the benefits of writing is that people sometimes tell me their stories. I appreciate getting them, especially stories about choices.
Recently, a young woman I’ll call Rebecca emailed me. We are acquainted, so the contact wasn’t completely unexpected. However, much of what she revealed was new to me. With her permission, I’m sharing some of it with you.
Rebecca had an “ah-hah” moment as she prepares to begin a new job. This significant event got her thinking about the progress she’s made and how that came about. Continue reading →

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