Reality Check: Experiments in Encouragement

Posted on March 30, 2014 by RealityCheck

How do we learn? One effective method involves coming up with an idea and then trying an experiment to see whether the idea works as we think it will. Observe what happens, and then draw a conclusion based on what we see. Did the idea work as expected? Or not? Either way, we have learned something.

We spend a good part of our lives offering information to people. Sometimes, we have the chance to express positive and encouraging sentiments. Other times, there’s the need to indicate a problem, a challenge, or an outcome that didn’t meet expectations.

In the inquiring spirit of experimentation, then, here’s a question.  Which type of information connects with the most effective change in behaviour: encouraging information that recognizes achievements? Or corrective information that points out mistakes? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: A Filter For Your Thoughts

Posted on March 23, 2014 by RealityCheck

Reality. You would think we’d all agree on what it is, wouldn’t you? Yet, two people can be exposed to the same situation or read exactly the same words and come away with quite different perceptions. How does that happen?

According to Dr. Wm. Glasser and others, we experience the world through filters. Here’s a brief (and only moderately filtered) explanation of some of Glasser’s choice theory concepts around filters.

We sense the real world through sight, sound, taste, etc. However, whether we pay attention to the information that we have sensed depends on our interests at the time. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: When Evaluation Gets Personal

Posted on March 16, 2014 by RealityCheck

Last column, I offered suggestions regarding workplace evaluations and ways to prepare so as to gain some control over what can be a stressful situation.

The workplace is not the only venue where we are evaluated! What’s happening when your mother-in-law suggests that you are not doing a very effective job of bringing up her grandchildren? How about when your loving spouse tells you that you are driving too fast? Or your child turns up her nose at the food you have offered? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Evaluation time

Posted on March 9, 2014 by RealityCheck

At some point in our lives, most of us are evaluated. Evaluation may be a rare, stress-filled event or a routine, near-constant process.

Evaluation occurs at school, when a teacher assigns a grade. As adults, we are often evaluated in the workplace, when our employer assesses our performance. In less-formal, but no less significant contexts, actors, artists, and writers are reviewed and critiqued whenever they create.

So whether it’s by way of a formal mark, a performance review, or an off-hand comment by a friend, we are evaluated. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Wit’s end?

Posted on March 2, 2014 by RealityCheck

Are you ever at your “wit’s end?” You try everything you can think of to respond to a problem (usually a person-related problem), but nothing works to create the result you want.

Interactions with others are sometimes delightful, other times frustrating. Wouldn’t it be helpful if we had a few simple principles to guide our actions?

A tribute to Dr. Wm. Glasser that appeared in the International Journal of Choice Theory and Reality Therapy in 2013 tells this story: A woman begged Dr. Glasser for advice on how to deal with her 3 year old son. Dr. Glasser gave her these two suggestions: Continue reading →

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Reality Check: I Regret that I Cannot…

Posted on February 23, 2014 by RealityCheck

Last post, I suggested that one way to reduce stress is to create habits for on-going chores. Assigning a specific time to mundane activities can reduce the perception of never being caught up. Chores don’t take over your life!

How is that helpful? It’s so you can make room and time for what really does matter. It’s your choice whether your priority is building a snow fort with your kids, learning Spanish, or volunteering in your community. The point is that we never get to our high priorities if we are swamped doing low-priority activities.

For some, a contributing factor to the “no time for what matters” issue is dealing with requests. Folks find themselves asked to do things that they really don’t value or have time for, but can’t figure out how to refuse. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Creating the Helpful Habit

Posted on February 16, 2014 by RealityCheck

Are you stressed? Is there too much to do, no time to do it? Do undone tasks scurry around in the back of your mind, popping up at inconvenient times?

Many tasks are never fully done. Do you remember this slogan? “A man works from sun to sun; A woman’s work is never done.” The implication—that housework is never done—applies not only to housework, but to lots of tasks. No matter how much you do, there’s always opportunity to do more. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Manufacturing Outrage

Posted on February 9, 2014 by RealityCheck

We could choose to deliberately shield ourselves from the world. However, most of us don’t. Thus, we are exposed to news items, study results, and opinions that you’d almost suspect were designed to provoke outrage in any “reasonable person.”

One example is a regularly published study that compares salaries of top-paid CEOs to the salaries of the rest of us. In case you weren’t sure, the CEO salary is bigger. The story is often accompanied by the observation that the rich are getting richer, the poor are getting poorer, and things just aren’t right. It’s an outrage.

What happens when you hear that? Here’s my guess:

Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Value of Taking the High Road

Posted on January 26, 2014 by RealityCheck

In this continuing series on helpful values that seldom make the news, this column’s value is “taking the high road.” Does that get the tune for The Bonnie Banks of Loch Lomond running through your mind?

You might express this value as, “doing the right thing,” “being the bigger person,” or observing a moral code.

Choice theory suggests that we control our own behaviour; all that other people can do is offer information to us. However, if you’ve ever been criticized or opposed, then you know that it can be difficult to choose to perceive that you have been “offered information,” rather than personally attacked. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Value of Reducing Waste

Posted on January 20, 2014 by RealityCheck

Last column, I suggested that being aware of your values can help you make choices that lead you toward the life that you want. We looked at the value of persistence; now let’s look at the value of “reducing waste.”

Reducing waste is pretty popular nowadays, with folks washing out their yogurt containers, recycling their flyers, and composting their coffee grounds.

If you are a Nova Scotian of a certain age and upbringing, you will remember when everything was used, reused, or made over. Whether you called it frugality or practicality, the reality was using leftovers for soups, suttles for mats, yarn-ends for mittens.

So, if you are one of the many folks with a longstanding dislike of waste, then I’m sure that this value continues to influence your decisions today. Continue reading →

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