Reality check: Forgetfulness Choices

Posted on September 21, 2014 by RealityCheck

When we met to catch up, my friend realized that she had forgotten to bring her pictures. Discussing those pictures was the main reason for our get-together.

But we didn’t have them and it wasn’t practical to go get them. The point of our meeting that day wouldn’t be fulfilled and there was nothing to do about it.

How do you react when you’ve forgotten something?

Forgetfulness can be aggravating, frustrating, even frightening if you take it as a sign of things to come.

Let’s examine those choices again, using different words.

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Reality Check: Worried about becoming my dad (or mom) syndrome?

Posted on September 14, 2014 by RealityCheck

It seems that marketers will do anything to convince us that their product is the one for us. (Sounds like I’m choosing skepticism, eh?)

Just for fun, picture this as your problem: You’re trying to market a product to young men. The product is basically the same product that their fathers and grandfathers use. How would you make it appealing?

As most young men don’t choose products by deciding, “I’ll buy that brand because my old man uses it,” a men’s grooming company surveyed young men to measure concern about “becoming my dad.” They even have a quiz! (You can do it online). It suggests that their product can protect you from the danger of becoming like your dad.

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Reality Check: Fluffy, Revisited

Posted on August 31, 2014 by RealityCheck

A few posts ago, I presented this classic quandary: Is it appropriate to deceive someone if you believe the deception is kinder than the truth?

Here’s the scenario: Maria’s beloved cat, Fluffy, went missing. Maria responded to the reality of not knowing Fluffy’s whereabouts with distress. Wanting to reduce his wife’s misery, Martin was torn—should he deceive her into believing that Fluffy was found and buried? Or should he stick to the truth: Fluffy is missing, whereabouts unknown?

You know, of course, that I don’t tell anyone what they should do; I only offer information! So here are two general principles that you may find helpful when faced with tough decisions. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What does respect look like?

Posted on August 24, 2014 by RealityCheck

Communication is interesting. We come up with ideas—essentially pictures in our minds—that we want to communicate. Then we use words to share those ideas.
We tend to assume that everybody understands words the same way. Take the word “respect.” My understanding of respect may be the same as yours. Then again, it may be quite different!
I think that’s why some wise folks, Dr. Wm. Glasser among them, suggest that we base our understanding of others on what they do, rather than on what they say. Actions can indeed speak louder (and more clearly) than words.
But words are what I have here, so I will do my best to use them to explore the meaning of respect. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Are you being bored?

Posted on August 17, 2014 by RealityCheck

Blissful summer days are a great time to think about school!

You’re probably aware that education could be improved. I bet you can come up with a few improvements you’d like right now.

Discussions of problems in education are not new. Way back in 1990, in an article entitled “The Quality School,” Dr. Wm. Glasser identified issues with schooling that still resonate today. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Facebook and Feelings

Posted on August 13, 2014 by RealityCheck

Some folks choose to be annoyed when they perceive that they have been treated like guinea pigs! So there was some outrage when the results of a Facebook study were recently published in a scientific journal.

Here’s the gist of the story. Facebook scientists conducted an experiment on some users to learn whether emotions expressed on Facebook are contagious. They fiddled (in an automated way) with the emotional content of people’s news feeds and then measured whether people’s posts became positive or negative.

What do you think they found? Do you think that the emotional tone of what you read has an impact on what you say? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Truth or Kindness?

Posted on August 3, 2014 by RealityCheck

Here’s a quandary for you.

Martin and Maria are happily married and devoted to each other. Maria has a cat, Fluffy. Fluffy was Maria’s mother’s companion, and since Maria’s mom passed away, Fluffy has become even more precious to Maria.

Fluffy is getting along in years, so it’s no surprise that she no longer sees very well, that she doesn’t hear much, and that she has recently become less steady on her feet. It is clear to everyone, including Maria, that all of Fluffy’s nine lives are coming to an end.

Maria’s work demands that she travel out of province for a few days. Just when she is about to leave, Fluffy disappears! Frantic searching, setting out favourite treats, and calling incessantly have unearthed no sign of Fluffy. Maria is distraught. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: More Choice Language

Posted on July 27, 2014 by RealityCheck

The language we use can both reflect and shape our attitudes. While “choice language” usually refers to something a little spicier, in this column, choice language refers to words and phrases that reflect our choices and our areas of control.

Last column, I mentioned two commonly used phrases that imply that we have little or no choice. Those phrases were: “That’s just the way I am,” and “If only…” Here are a few more for you to consider:

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Reality Check: The Words of Choice

Posted on July 20, 2014 by RealityCheck

Although we humans do a lot of talking (and occasionally listening), it can still be difficult to understand each other. Even the words we use with ourselves—our internal dialog—can shape how we understand our lives.

Do we believe that we are free to make choices? Or do we believe that our lives and behaviours are largely determined by other people or by things out of our control?

Even if we do believe that we are in charge of our choices, our own words sometimes contradict us. Keep an ear out for some of these telling phrases. Do you hear them in conversations? Do you say them yourself? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: A “Map” of Relationships

Posted on July 20, 2014 by RealityCheck

Responses to the column that asked, “Are you in the people business?” have encouraged me to take this “people business” a little further.

If (or when) you realize that you are in the “people business,” then you might find it helpful to do some analysis. That is, evaluate the quality and type of your relationships.

One useful activity is to draw a relationship map (no drawing skill required!) If you happen to already be familiar with a creativity tool called the “mind map,” you’ll see some similarities here. Continue reading →

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