Reality Check: New Year’s Values

Posted on January 12, 2014 by RealityCheck

It’s the traditional season to make promises to ourselves: how we’ll change our lives, what we will achieve, what disciplines we will force on ourselves…

While each day is as valuable as another, taking stock of life at New Year’s is better than never taking stock at all!

In John C. Maxwell’s tiny book entitled, “Make Today Count,” he discusses the importance of acting according to values. So this year, instead of New Year’s resolutions, I thought I’d take a look at some “New Year’s values.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Fume or Fun?

Posted on December 22, 2013 by RealityCheck

Some situations seem to call for obvious reactions. However, even when we think there’s only one logical response, there are often many options available for our choosing. How can we figure out which choice is most effective?

Doris’s husband, Bob, works long hours and has considerable responsibility. Doris has never had much interest in Bob’s work, so when he off-handedly mentioned that he has a new trainee: “JJ,” Doris paid little mind.

When Bob forgot his keys, Doris didn’t resist razzing him a little about “senior moments.”  She popped into Bob’s workplace to deliver the keys and was met by a stunning blonde in coveralls. “Hi, I’m JJ. I can take those to Bob.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Stewing on a Setback

Posted on December 15, 2013 by RealityCheck

If the word “stew” only brings to mind that tasty dish from a crockpot, you’re fortunate! For many, stewing means worrying, and it’s often over something completely out of one’s control. 

Everybody has setbacks, and it can be mighty difficult to get your mind off of them. Regardless of whether you call it fretting, ruminating, or cogitating, stewing takes place in your mind (perhaps enhanced by an uncomfortable feeling in your belly.)

For some situations, there is no action to take; you can only wait. In others, you could take action but you’re, well…stewing instead. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Esteem Essentials

Posted on December 8, 2013 by RealityCheck

Can you raise someone’s self-esteem? Perhaps more to the point, can you (or anyone) lower someone’s self-esteem?

The choice theory view is that we can’t make anyone (other than ourselves) happy, sad, angry, or anything else; each of us does that for ourselves. For example, you might praise my work, but I can choose to take that as genuine praise, as sarcasm, or even as implied criticism.

So, if I can’t “make” you happy or sad, then it’s unlikely that I could “make” you raise your self-esteem, either! Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Happiness Choice

Posted on December 1, 2013 by RealityCheck

The William Glasser organization just launched a website called Mental Health & Happiness at www.mentalhealthandhappiness.com Associating mental health with happiness may not make sense if your picture of happiness is giddy laughter, personal indulgence, or fantastic luck. If so, you might perceive a quest for happiness as futile, frivolous, or even selfish.

In light of that perception, I prefer the term “satisfaction.” Do you picture satisfaction as lying idly on a beach? Or do you see satisfaction as being involved and working at something (or with someone) that matters to you?  Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Young People Today…

Posted on November 24, 2013 by RealityCheck

How would you finish the phrase, “Young people today…”?

A frequent theme is, “Young people today don’t want to work,” or “Young people today can’t handle money,” or “Young people today expect to be taken care of.”

That criticism often concludes with, “When I was young…” because of course, when we were young, we were responsible, virtuous, essentially, pretty much perfect. At least I was, and as you’re reading this post, then you probably were too. Right? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Other Toxin

Posted on November 17, 2013 by RealityCheck

If you pay attention to health-related matters, then you’ve heard of toxins. Whether in air, food, or water, toxins are often suspected of causing disease.

There’s another toxin that can have a significant impact on one’s life: the toxic relationship! This can be particularly troublesome in families. Why? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Great Expectations

Posted on November 10, 2013 by RealityCheck

Hannah perceives that she is criticized. When family or friends get together, she comes away feeling like an underachiever. Her brother’s children excel, her sister makes more money, and her friends’ lives are more exciting.

Although no one is critical to her face, Hannah is convinced that she just doesn’t measure up.

Recently, Hannah was introduced to pottery- making. She instantly fell in love. The colours, the smells, the feel of the mud under her fingernails; everything about pottery speaks to her in a fundamental way. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Turn Around

Posted on November 3, 2013 by RealityCheck

Relationships have differences. If those differences aren’t handled well, they can lead to unfortunate consequences: marriage breakup, financial hardship, traumatized children.

Differences at work can lead to people quitting or being fired, to stress, anxiety, lost productivity, and lost opportunities.

There are practical benefits to handling differences so the outcome is “win-win” rather than “I win-you lose.”  Choice theory suggests, “Always negotiate differences.” Here’s the rub:

When you (or I) disagree with someone, we’re pretty sure that we’re right. It’s rare that we perceive ourselves as the stubborn, uncompromising one with the unreasonable position. Why would I negotiate when I’m right? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Attitude in Action

Posted on October 28, 2013 by RealityCheck

What’s the most important attribute for success? Ask an employer, teacher, or coach, and it’s pretty likely that somewhere in the answer you’ll find reference to the need for “a good attitude.”

In fact, entire libraries could be filled with books, magazine articles, and motivational videos that discuss and promote the importance of a good attitude.

Hailey had some social challenges when she was a teenager in high school. That, combined with a love of partying and a lack of clarity about where she would ever use “school stuff” resulted in her becoming an adult with very limited employment options. Continue reading →

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