Reality Check: Entertaining Options

Posted on June 8, 2014 by RealityCheck

Are there actions in your life that you do mindlessly? For example, when you sit down to watch TV, do you choose the program? Or do you sit in front of whatever happens to be on, perhaps complaining (verbally or silently), “There’s nothing worth watching…”

A key process in reality therapy is self-evaluation. That is, look at what you are doing and ask yourself, “How is this working for me? Is it getting me what I want and need? Is it bringing me closer to the people I love? Is it aligning me more closely with my values?”

Those might sound like pretty heavy questions for a little mindless relaxation! Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Offer of Information

Posted on June 1, 2014 by RealityCheck

A choice theory premise is that we can’t control other people; however, we can offer information. Someone who accepts information might learn a new fact, be persuaded to make a decision, or be influenced to act differently.

Fundamentally, though, what we offer is just information. The person on the receiving end chooses to use it or not. They have the power to listen to it, act on it, reject it, or ignore it. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Gift in the Event

Posted on May 25, 2014 by RealityCheck

Bad things can happen to anyone. While we can take action to try to prevent some bad things by driving cautiously, choosing friends carefully, eating reasonably, the reality is that many events are completely beyond our control.

We do have some control, however, over how we respond to events. You’ve probably witnessed different people reacting quite differently to the same bad event. While one person remains completely devastated, another emerges apparently unscathed.

Let’s look at Bea and Dee. Both have disentangled themselves from equally difficult relationships. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Strong, Wise, or Stubborn?

Posted on May 18, 2014 by RealityCheck

Bob’s the kind of guy who always seems to know what to do and is always ready to lend a hand. He’s strong, capable, and independent.

Then, Bob had a heart attack.

Did that change Bob’s life? Well, the doctors told him to slow down and take it easy. They warned him about overdoing himself. His wife warned him. His children warned him.

But what’s Bob do? Hang around and wait for somebody else to shovel the driveway, mow the lawn, rake the leaves? There’s work to be done! Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Own It!

Posted on May 11, 2014 by RealityCheck

Have you heard any white lies lately? Maybe even told one or two of your own? We sometimes tell tiny falsehoods to avoid hurt feelings; fibs intended to be virtuous, not evil.

However, just because we have positive intent with our white lie doesn’t mean it will bring a positive result.

Wilson wants to avoid the family reunion. He has little in common with the extended family. He’s forced to overeat. It’s boring. Basically, he just doesn’t want to go.   Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Strings Attached

Posted on May 4, 2014 by RealityCheck

The book, Choice Theory, by Dr. William Glasser is subtitled, “A New Psychology of Personal Freedom.”

Glasser points out that the world is full of folks trying to control each other. These controlling behaviours cause plenty of misery—certainly for the “controllee” but also for the controller.

One controlling behaviour is manipulative gift-giving. Have you ever been offered a gift with strings attached? Glasser calls “bribing to control” one of the deadly habits that destroy relationships. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: When Something Stinks

Posted on April 27, 2014 by RealityCheck

With delicate precision, the grandkids smeared stinky cheese into Grandpa’s moustache while he snoozed. Grandpa awakes, it stinks! No matter where he goes, everything stinks. The whole world stinks!

It can be surprisingly hard to tell whether it’s the whole world that stinks, or just that tiny speck under your nose!

Have you ever been around someone for whom everything “stinks”? How much fun is that? And here’s a stinky question: Is that ever you? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Situational Confidence

Posted on April 20, 2014 by RealityCheck

Do you believe that having self-confidence is important, satisfying, and helpful?

My next question: “Are you a self-confident person?”

There are many competent, skilled, accomplished people who lack self-confidence, and they know it’s an unsatisfying state.

You might think that when one is competent (capable, skilled) that confidence automatically tags along. Conversely, when one is not competent, you’d think there would be a corresponding lack of confidence.

However, the relationship between competence and confidence isn’t so straightforward! Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What Three Words?

Posted on April 13, 2014 by RealityCheck

“Why so glum, Jim?”

“I just got a compliment.  At least, I guess that’s what it was. I did a favour for Mary, and she told me how grateful she is to have me around, that I’m always so loyal and faithful and friendly.”

“I can understand why she would say that. So, what’s the matter?”

“Well, those are the same words that you would use to describe a black lab!”

There is an essential truth to that observation, isn’t there? Many of the qualities that make dogs “human’s best friends” are the same qualities that we value in our human friends. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Lessons from First Aid

Posted on April 6, 2014 by RealityCheck

Whenever I have the good fortune to participate in training, I try to figure out whether the skills I’m learning can be more broadly applied.

In first aid, for example, there’s the principle of protecting your own safety. Don’t put yourself at risk. If you allow yourself to get injured, you can’t help anyone else and you’re a casualty, too.

For first aid, this sounds sensible. Do you think the “don’t risk yourself” principle has any application outside of first aid? Let’s say you feel hurt in some way—perhaps you are depressed, anxious, angry, or whatever.  Does “don’t risk yourself” apply? Continue reading →

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