Reality Check: I Regret that I Cannot…

Posted on February 23, 2014 by RealityCheck

Last post, I suggested that one way to reduce stress is to create habits for on-going chores. Assigning a specific time to mundane activities can reduce the perception of never being caught up. Chores don’t take over your life!

How is that helpful? It’s so you can make room and time for what really does matter. It’s your choice whether your priority is building a snow fort with your kids, learning Spanish, or volunteering in your community. The point is that we never get to our high priorities if we are swamped doing low-priority activities.

For some, a contributing factor to the “no time for what matters” issue is dealing with requests. Folks find themselves asked to do things that they really don’t value or have time for, but can’t figure out how to refuse. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Creating the Helpful Habit

Posted on February 16, 2014 by RealityCheck

Are you stressed? Is there too much to do, no time to do it? Do undone tasks scurry around in the back of your mind, popping up at inconvenient times?

Many tasks are never fully done. Do you remember this slogan? “A man works from sun to sun; A woman’s work is never done.” The implication—that housework is never done—applies not only to housework, but to lots of tasks. No matter how much you do, there’s always opportunity to do more. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Manufacturing Outrage

Posted on February 9, 2014 by RealityCheck

We could choose to deliberately shield ourselves from the world. However, most of us don’t. Thus, we are exposed to news items, study results, and opinions that you’d almost suspect were designed to provoke outrage in any “reasonable person.”

One example is a regularly published study that compares salaries of top-paid CEOs to the salaries of the rest of us. In case you weren’t sure, the CEO salary is bigger. The story is often accompanied by the observation that the rich are getting richer, the poor are getting poorer, and things just aren’t right. It’s an outrage.

What happens when you hear that? Here’s my guess:

Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Value of Taking the High Road

Posted on January 26, 2014 by RealityCheck

In this continuing series on helpful values that seldom make the news, this column’s value is “taking the high road.” Does that get the tune for The Bonnie Banks of Loch Lomond running through your mind?

You might express this value as, “doing the right thing,” “being the bigger person,” or observing a moral code.

Choice theory suggests that we control our own behaviour; all that other people can do is offer information to us. However, if you’ve ever been criticized or opposed, then you know that it can be difficult to choose to perceive that you have been “offered information,” rather than personally attacked. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Value of Reducing Waste

Posted on January 20, 2014 by RealityCheck

Last column, I suggested that being aware of your values can help you make choices that lead you toward the life that you want. We looked at the value of persistence; now let’s look at the value of “reducing waste.”

Reducing waste is pretty popular nowadays, with folks washing out their yogurt containers, recycling their flyers, and composting their coffee grounds.

If you are a Nova Scotian of a certain age and upbringing, you will remember when everything was used, reused, or made over. Whether you called it frugality or practicality, the reality was using leftovers for soups, suttles for mats, yarn-ends for mittens.

So, if you are one of the many folks with a longstanding dislike of waste, then I’m sure that this value continues to influence your decisions today. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: New Year’s Values

Posted on January 12, 2014 by RealityCheck

It’s the traditional season to make promises to ourselves: how we’ll change our lives, what we will achieve, what disciplines we will force on ourselves…

While each day is as valuable as another, taking stock of life at New Year’s is better than never taking stock at all!

In John C. Maxwell’s tiny book entitled, “Make Today Count,” he discusses the importance of acting according to values. So this year, instead of New Year’s resolutions, I thought I’d take a look at some “New Year’s values.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Fume or Fun?

Posted on December 22, 2013 by RealityCheck

Some situations seem to call for obvious reactions. However, even when we think there’s only one logical response, there are often many options available for our choosing. How can we figure out which choice is most effective?

Doris’s husband, Bob, works long hours and has considerable responsibility. Doris has never had much interest in Bob’s work, so when he off-handedly mentioned that he has a new trainee: “JJ,” Doris paid little mind.

When Bob forgot his keys, Doris didn’t resist razzing him a little about “senior moments.”  She popped into Bob’s workplace to deliver the keys and was met by a stunning blonde in coveralls. “Hi, I’m JJ. I can take those to Bob.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Stewing on a Setback

Posted on December 15, 2013 by RealityCheck

If the word “stew” only brings to mind that tasty dish from a crockpot, you’re fortunate! For many, stewing means worrying, and it’s often over something completely out of one’s control. 

Everybody has setbacks, and it can be mighty difficult to get your mind off of them. Regardless of whether you call it fretting, ruminating, or cogitating, stewing takes place in your mind (perhaps enhanced by an uncomfortable feeling in your belly.)

For some situations, there is no action to take; you can only wait. In others, you could take action but you’re, well…stewing instead. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Esteem Essentials

Posted on December 8, 2013 by RealityCheck

Can you raise someone’s self-esteem? Perhaps more to the point, can you (or anyone) lower someone’s self-esteem?

The choice theory view is that we can’t make anyone (other than ourselves) happy, sad, angry, or anything else; each of us does that for ourselves. For example, you might praise my work, but I can choose to take that as genuine praise, as sarcasm, or even as implied criticism.

So, if I can’t “make” you happy or sad, then it’s unlikely that I could “make” you raise your self-esteem, either! Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Happiness Choice

Posted on December 1, 2013 by RealityCheck

The William Glasser organization just launched a website called Mental Health & Happiness at www.mentalhealthandhappiness.com Associating mental health with happiness may not make sense if your picture of happiness is giddy laughter, personal indulgence, or fantastic luck. If so, you might perceive a quest for happiness as futile, frivolous, or even selfish.

In light of that perception, I prefer the term “satisfaction.” Do you picture satisfaction as lying idly on a beach? Or do you see satisfaction as being involved and working at something (or with someone) that matters to you?  Continue reading →

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