Reality Check: Mirror, Mirror continued

Last time, I introduced you to Sam, who has been having conflicts with just about everyone, most recently including the law. As you care about Sam, you want to help.

Sam has already told you that he doesn’t want to be told what to do; he wants to be independent. It’s clear to you, however, that if Sam continues his current direction, he’ll more likely end up with a life in custody than a life of freedom.

While we can’t control anyone other than ourselves, we can offer information. Because Sam may perceive any discussion as an effort to control him, you could suggest that Sam “hold up a mirror.” That is, ask Sam questions that help him evaluate his own behaviour, for himself. Continue reading

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Reality Check: Mirror, Mirror

 If you’ve ever watched someone you care about act in ways that are non-effective, or even self-destructive, then you know how difficult it is to stand by. You may feel that you need to say or do something.

Samuel’s family has been experiencing the distress that comes with watching Sam—as they put it—“throw his life away.” According to his family, Sam has fallen in with the wrong crowd. He’s become defiant, insolent, and “out of control.” Continue reading

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Reality Check: Saddle Up!

The professional organization that’s associated with teaching the world Choice Theory occasionally sends out inspirational quotes. A recent one came from an unexpected source: John Wayne.

According to the Duke, “Courage is when you are scared to death, but you saddle up anyway.”

What’s the choice theory connection? Continue reading

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Reality Check: The computer made me do it…

Can a computer “make” you mad? If you’ve ever sat in front of one when things aren’t going well, you understand the question!

Whatever the problem: the printer won’t print, the email won’t email, or google declines to google, you’re sure it’s not your fault. Even when you recognize that it could be your fault, it’s still tempting to look for something, or someone, to blame. Continue reading

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Reality Check: Perception and Schooling

Perceptions we form about ourselves during school days can influence us long after what we’ve learned at school is a dusty memory.

Brandon has the perception that he can’t do math. Where did he get that? Perhaps his parents told him that he inherited his inability from them. Maybe he had an unpleasant math teacher. Maybe his classmates taunted him, suggesting he was “slow.”

Whatever the reason, Brandon has been studious indeed since school—studiously avoiding numbers, that is! His wife handles the family money. At work, others surreptitiously cover for him whenever math is involved. Although he’s still young, Brandon recognizes that he has gone as far as he can go, all because he “can’t” do math. Continue reading

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Reality Check: The Fight That Never Happens

Does the tension and stress in your life contribute to your physical health? Likely so. Is there anything that you can do about it? That’s the big question, isn’t it?   Continue reading

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Reality Check: Compatibility and need profiles

Last post, I suggested that it can be interesting and helpful to understand your need strength profile. That is, rate how strong each of these five basic needs are for you: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun.

What happens when two people get together with the hope of a long-term relationship? Now there are two sets of needs to consider! That combination may hold the ingredients for a deep, loving connection or for a more conflicted, challenging relationship. Which will it be? Continue reading

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Reality Check: Understanding your need strength profile

Choice Theory proposes that every human being has the same five basic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun. However, that doesn’t imply that we are identical; far from it!

The strength of each of those needs contributes to our personality. One person might have a high need for freedom; another might have a low need for freedom and a high need for fun.

Understanding one’s need strength profile can be helpful for a relationship. In his book, “Getting Together and Staying Together, Solving the Mystery of Marriage,” Dr. Glasser suggests that some need strength combinations offer more promising possibilities for a satisfying relationship than others. Continue reading

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Reality Check: Rise or Sink?

Much like a community or a family, a workplace has its own atmosphere and culture. Some places are productive, filled with industrious people who are happy at their work. Other workplaces seem angry or sullen, where even simple tasks take enormous effort.

Fred has always been a keen worker, and he used to be confident that he could be successful anywhere. Although happily employed, he decided to move to another company, based on his understanding of the great opportunities offered there. He set his sights on becoming a top performer, working hard to get noticed and to advance.

A few years later, his view of this new workplace has dimmed. Continue reading

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Reality Check: Hot Buttons

“He pushes my buttons! He knows that I have a temper so he gets me going; then he walks away smirking as if he had nothing to do with it. He does it on purpose to get me into trouble. It shouldn’t be allowed. Everybody knows I can’t help it.”

That’s Samantha’s perception of her interactions with Daniel. He taunts her, embarrasses her, and attempts to make her life miserable. When he starts smirking, she feels her face get hot and her tantrum starts. Continue reading

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