Reality Check: You want what at work?

Posted on August 12, 2013 by RealityCheck

Some folks view work as a way to find fulfillment and purpose in life. Perhaps your view is less lofty; you may see work as just a way to put food on the table. Either way, a quality-minded employer will want to keep you motivated and keep your work at the forefront of your mind.

A recent article in Quality Progress magazine connected workplace motivation to the “seven desires of every heart” as identified by Mark and Debra Laaser. They describe these desires as universal; everyone has them regardless of age, race, gender…

In choice theory, Dr. Wm. Glasser identifies five basic needs, also considered universal. The themes in Laaser’s seven desires are consistent with Glasser’s five needs.

If you are struggling at work or wondering about life’s purpose, examining these desires/needs might help you figure out what it’s all about! Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Jimmy meets Mrs. Crabapple

Posted on July 28, 2013 by RealityCheck

Ever since he was little, Jimmy wanted to be a pilot. Now, he’s finally ready for that first step on the road to realizing his dream. It’s time to go to ground school.

Jimmy’s never been academically inclined. High school was just a place to hang out with friends, meet girls, and socialize. Learning was irrelevant, as far as he could tell.

With ground school on the horizon, Jimmy started looking at what he’d need to learn. Shockingly, it turns out that you need do calculations, such as figuring out how much fuel to put in your plane! This assumes he understands subjects he never thought he’d see in real life, like math. Who knew? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: A little respect, please

Posted on July 22, 2013 by RealityCheck

To strengthen relationships and build satisfying lives, choice theory promotes seven caring habits, including the habit of respect. What’s the impact of respect in a relationship?

Henry was forced to retire from a well-paying, satisfying career where he had enjoyed good relationships and respect from his colleagues. His many years of marriage to Sally have also been satisfying. Granted, between the children, the demands of Henry’s job, and Sally’s activities, there hadn’t been a lot of “together” time. 

Henry recognized that sitting in the window watching the traffic go by would not be a satisfying retirement for him. He needed an activity to focus on. Always up for a challenge, he decided to try something completely different—watercolour painting. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Archie, Meathead, and External Control

Posted on July 16, 2013 by RealityCheck

If you recognize the title of this column from “All in the Family,” then either you remember the 70s or you have been watching TV reruns! Regardless of whether you loved it or hated it, that TV sitcom has become a part of our culture.

I happened to catch an All in the Family rerun shortly after I had come across the following statement in Dr. Wm. Glasser’s book, “Eight Lessons for a Happier Marriage.” Glasser says, “Archie Bunker was the epitome of external control as he repeatedly derided his son-in-law, who was trying to live without it.”

As I watched the interaction between Archie and Mike (aka Meathead) in the episode, I was struck by the observation that there was plenty of external control in action from all parties. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Forge on

Posted on July 4, 2013 by RealityCheck

Have you ever felt that events you can’t control are conspiring against you? If so, you might feel like pulling the covers over your head and crying, “Why me?”

It can be tempting to believe that we have no choice in how we respond, and that’s how Jordan feels right now. From his perspective, his future has been blown to smithereens, and it’s not his fault. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Pattern Making

Posted on June 28, 2013 by RealityCheck

We’re all familiar with habits. We do the same thing over and over; a choice becomes so ingrained that it seems automatic.  For example, I wake up; I drink coffee. No thought involved!

Rick has a habit of buying exercise equipment and then not using it. Over the years, he has purchased gear which ends up gathering dust or getting sold at huge losses. Nothing ever turns out to exactly meet his expectations.

His hope continues, however! The next piece of equipment could be the one that will satisfy Rick’s internal pictures of himself, with a buff body and disciplined character. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Both Sides Now

Posted on June 28, 2013 by RealityCheck

No matter how close two people are, they will have differences. What do we do when we differ? Sometimes we blame: “It’s your fault…” We might try bribery: “If you come home, I’ll let you go fishing.” Or we might choose to criticize, nag, or complain.

The common factor among those behaviors (known as the “deadly habits”) is that they are destructive to relationships. The more you use them, the bigger the wedge you drive between the two of you.

Choice Theory suggests a more effective way to resolve differences or prevent conflicts: negotiate. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Goal

Posted on June 16, 2013 by RealityCheck

One term that’s used in goal setting is the BHAG—that stands for the Big Hairy Audacious Goal. (No, I’m not making this up.) Even if your goals are neither hairy nor audacious, the principle of setting goals and maintaining awareness of them aligns well with choice theory.

Let’s see how awareness of her BHAG might affect Missy. Although still young, she already has a history of unsatisfactory work experiences. Her unhappiness doesn’t stem from the work; it is always related to difficult relationships with coworkers. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: A Tale of Two Dates

Posted on June 9, 2013 by RealityCheck

This column isn’t about dried fruit, nor am I attempting to take over from Ann Landers! I’ve chosen the topic of dates because young (and not-so-young) folks can find it difficult to recognize the true nature of a potential partner.

On a date, both people are presumably on their best behaviour. Time passes, perhaps they move in together, behaviours change. Will that change be positive? Are there “truth indicators” to look for? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Criticism—The Great Dissatisfier

Posted on June 2, 2013 by RealityCheck

Do you seek to be the best you can be? Aspiring to excellence is a wonderful motivator. Actions that you take to improve yourself, your work, and your relationships can have a positive impact on your quality of life.

Do you seek to have the people around you—your loved ones—to be the best they can be? It’s natural that you would like to see the people you care for most of all to be happy, healthy, and satisfied.

But what if you see behaviour in those loved ones that you believe won’t lead to the best for that person? Very often, people choose to respond with criticism. Continue reading →

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