Reality Check: The Little Red Hens

Posted on May 29, 2016 by RealityCheck

Do you visualize how things should be? For example, do you picture how kids should act? What your spouse should do? How friends should behave?

Perhaps you have bigger pictures, such as how the county should progress, how the country should be run, or even how the whole world should get along.

Our “quality world” is what Dr. Wm. Glasser calls that set of pictures in our heads of how we want things to be. When we perceive that reality corresponds to our quality world, we are generally satisfied. If not, we feel pain and may take action to try to relieve that pain. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Pigs, Cows, and Perceptions

Posted on May 22, 2016 by RealityCheck

A guy is driving down the road minding his own business. An oncoming car approaches; the woman driving rolls down the window and yells: “Pig!”

Instantly the guy takes offense! How dare she call me a pig! I wasn’t doing anything! I don’t even know her! What an insult! Quick as he can, he rolls down his window and yells: “Cow!”

Still fussing and fuming, he rounds the corner. There he sees a pig wandering around in the middle of the road. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: OPAAT

Posted on May 15, 2016 by RealityCheck

One Person At A Time: OPAAT. Haven’t seen that acronym before? No surprise; I made it up—with a purpose! It reminds me of what I am able to do.

News, opinions, and commentaries often point out systemic problems—big wrongs (or perceived wrongs). Problems are everywhere!

It’s easy to forget that we can choose our perspective. We can choose to be frustrated. Or, we can take a choice theory perspective and work on what’s within our control.

For distress about systemic problems—poverty, education issues, mental health issues, opportunity issues—the suggestion I can offer is OPAAT: help through “one person at a time.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: A Step in the “Take Charge” Direction

Posted on May 8, 2016 by RealityCheck

The word “crisis” conveys a sense of urgency and it’s sometimes associated with the mental health system, accompanied by commentary that there aren’t enough resources and things are getting worse.

Perhaps that’s true; perhaps it’s not. Allocation of resources will never suit everyone as different people want different things. Enough resources to satisfy the perception of one person would be far too many resources in the opinion of another.

As for crisis, when Dr. Stan Kutcher spoke recently at St F. X, he’s quoted as saying, “There is no epidemic of mental illness for crying out loud…We have the same proportion of mental illness in our society now that we had 40, 50, 60 years ago…what we’re seeing now is an epidemic of ‘I think I have a mental disorder when I’m just really feeling unhappy,’ and that is a direct reflection of poor mental health literacy.”

I’m glad to see the recognition that unhappiness is not a mental disorder! Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Tell Yourself a Story

Posted on May 1, 2016 by RealityCheck

Are you a storyteller? Do you like to tell a tale to a group? Do you enjoy entertaining your friends with anecdotes or creating stories for your grandkids?

If you don’t, you may not think of yourself as a storyteller. Despite that, you may be a very creative storyteller, indeed. How? Think about the stories you tell yourself.

What stories?

Our internal story-telling is how we interpret events, comments, even our own perceptions of ourselves. Sometimes, we mistake those stories for reality! But are they reality, really? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Reluctant Leader

Posted on April 24, 2016 by RealityCheck

In a workplace, folks sometimes find themselves “promoted” into a position they’d really rather not have, but perceive that they have no choice but to accept.

Shelly has been appointed the informal leader of her team. At the time, it didn’t seem to be a big deal—she’d keep an eye on the team; make sure things ran smoothly.

Not surprisingly, the reality of leadership is turning out to be a bigger deal than anticipated. The situations that arise are now Shelly’s responsibility to resolve.

One example is when Jeff—the most experienced member of the team—breaks out in a rant whenever there’s a problem. He usually directs his outburst toward teammate Jill with remarks like, “A monkey could do a better job than you!” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Relationships and the Power Need

Posted on April 17, 2016 by RealityCheck

Last time, I suggested that a marriage where both people have a high need for power and low need for love and belonging may present challenges. However, that doesn’t mean that such a couple is doomed to a life of bickering and power struggles.

In “Reality Therapy,” Dr. Robert Wubbolding discusses the need for power as, “Human beings desire the self-perception of being capable of achieving, of accomplishing something, of pride, status and importance.”

There’s nothing negative in itself about the power need, and there are many ways to satisfy it. Feeling that you have control over your life, that you have worthwhile achievements, feeling respected and recognized, knowing that you are competent; those are all need-satisfying perceptions. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Marriage — Who’s in Charge?

Posted on April 10, 2016 by RealityCheck

If you’re happily married, you may have an easy, good-humoured response to the question of who’s in charge in your marriage. Did you say, “my wife/husband”?

If you’re struggling in your marriage, however, you may also have a quick response to the question of who’s in charge, or at least, about who is trying to be in charge. And the feelings that go with your answer may not be so good-humoured. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Building a Happier Marriage

Posted on April 3, 2016 by RealityCheck

Fundamental to choice theory is its emphasis on our basic human need for love and belonging. One way we attempt to satisfy that need is through marriage.

The idea of marriage is great. Two people publicly declare their love and state that they will stick together, no matter what. High hopes rule.

With that starting point, you’d think the world would be full of happy marriages. However, that’s not the case, but there is plenty of advice available: counselors, TV, and books.

One of those books is, “Eight Lessons for a Happier Marriage” by Dr. Wm. Glasser and his wife, Carleen. The “lessons” are, of course, consistent with choice theory, specifically applied to marriage. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: If Only I Were…

Posted on March 27, 2016 by RealityCheck

It’s easy to find faults in others if one is inclined to do so. If you choose a mindset that compares others to your own internal standard of “how people should be,” you’ll readily see how they fall short. If you devote a lot of your energy to this activity, you may find yourself living a rather miserable life.

Others, however, devote energy to finding fault with themselves, and this, too, can lead to misery.

Now, if you’re a person who is not inclined to find fault with yourself, this column will make little sense to you. Unfortunately, there are plenty of folks who do know what I am talking about. Continue reading →

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