Some choices have longer-lasting consequences than others.
The choice of a career, schooling, or home has consequences. The choice of a spouse can have life-changing consequences. Even choices that may seem trivial at the time, such as whether to choose academic high-school courses, can have a long term impact on your life.
The consequence of any of these choices, however, pales in comparison to another. Continue reading
I have some ambivalence about the positive thinking business. It is a business, after all, with books, articles, and motivational speakers. Much of our culture encourages positive thinking, and you’ve even seen suggestions here in this column.
Positive thinking complements choice theory perspectives on offering information and self-evaluation. When one asks, “Is it more effective to look only at the negative possibilities or also at the positive possibilities?” that’s an encouragement to at least consider choosing a different, positive perception. Ultimately, it’s still up to you to choose.
However, if the simple act of thinking positively were a magic solution, we’d all be smiling optimists by now. If negative nellies saw conclusive evidence that positive thinkers are rewarded with happy, satisfied lives, they’d join in, too.
Well, that hasn’t happened, has it? Continue reading
Our language often suggests that we are the passive recipients of our feelings. When we say, “I’m down; I’m sad” or even, “I’m in love, I’m happy!” there’s an implication that feelings just happen.
In choice theory language, however, instead of, “I’m angry,” we might say, “I am choosing anger” or even, “I am angering.” Now the implication is that I’ve made a choice, there’s no external force making me do it. Thus, I could make a different choice! That is—if I want to, and if I know how to choose differently.
Anxiety-related behaviour is associated with an odd word: anxietying. In everyday language, we say, “I’m anxious.” Choice theory suggests, “I am anxietying.” Continue reading
Last time, I looked at what can happen when a dreamer avoids doing. Taken to the extreme, the dreamer who is stuck on dreaming may never take the action necessary to turn their dream into reality.
How about the other side? What are the challenges for the doer who is stuck on doing? Continue reading
Valentine’s Day is around the corner, so along with eating heart-shaped candies and buying heart-shaped jewellery, it seems like an appropriate time to think about love.
What does love and support look like to you? If you buy into some movie versions, you might picture love as wining, dining, and dancing on beaches. That bliss is complicated by misunderstandings, possessiveness, and bouts of jealousy, and may perhaps ultimately be rescued in a dramatic happy ending.
Even if you don’t buy into love as shown in movies, love and drama seem to be inextricably linked for some. Continue reading
Do you find it hard to accept gifts? If you fret about what other people think about you, accepting can be difficult.
Gillian has money woes. She lost financial ground after a job loss and went into debt. Although she’s working now, her usual feeling of control has been replaced with vulnerability and insecurity. She feels she can’t relax until she digs herself out of this hole.
Millie sees the strain on Gillian and wants to help. She’d like to take Gillian out for a pampering day: manicure, dinner, movie; the works. She hopes it would lift Gillian’s spirits; help her see the bigger picture and know that she will be OK. Continue reading
Mistakes happen. When you make a mistake, you probably take some kind of action to try to correct it. But wouldn’t it be great if we could prevent mistakes from happening in the first place?
Businesses that intend to survive over the long-term already know that mistakes are expensive. They can’t afford to make defective products and then have merchandise returned by unhappy customers. It’s costly to issue recalls, send out apologies, not to mention getting sued!
However, humans are fallible, and it’s so easy to make a mistake, isn’t it? Continue reading
