Reality Check: Work Hard, Be Nice, Keep Commitments

Posted on September 12, 2016 by RealityCheck

Work Hard; Be Nice; Keep Commitments. Is that bossy? How about: Do you want a life filled with choice and opportunity?

The Knowledge IS Power Program (KIPP) schools in the US serve students in educationally underserved communities. The goal: “college and a choice-filled life.” The key motto: “Work Hard; Be Nice.”

Work hard; be nice isn’t just about creating a pleasant school environment. It’s also committing to choices of behaviour.

The choices start before a student is enrolled. KIPP requires signed commitments—from teachers, parents, and of course, the students themselves. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Velcro or Teflon?

Posted on August 28, 2016 by RealityCheck

According to psychologist Rick Hanson, PhD, knowledge from neuroscience, positive psychology, and contemplative practices can be connected to help people develop greater contentment, resilience to stress, and peace of mind.

In “Just One Thing,” (Hanson’s newsletter) he offers practical suggestions based on that knowledge. He made this memorable observation about how our minds work in a recent issue:

“In effect, the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones.”

Is that true for you? Think about a day—any day—when you’ve had both negative and positive experiences. Do the negative experiences cling like Velcro, whereas the positive ones slide off with barely a trace left behind? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Battle of the Hummingbirds

Posted on August 21, 2016 by RealityCheck

If you have a hummingbird feeder, then you know the routine. A single hummingbird will sit on a perch and eat. But add another, and suddenly everybody is flitting around, hovering, staring, chasing, and squawking.

More energy is spent bothering about the others than what’s gained by eating!

Do you think each hummingbird is blaming the other for “making” them hover, stare, and chase?

As a human observer, it’s easy to see that all the hummingbirds would be better off if they would ignore the other guys and just sit down and eat. There are plenty of perches and plenty of food.

Oh, wait—that observation applies elsewhere! Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Choosing Your Restore Point

Posted on August 14, 2016 by RealityCheck

To counteract some of the computer problems that occasionally occur, there’s a handy little built-in mechanism that enables you to set or choose a “restore point.”

Think of it as a way to do some backwards time- travelling. Something’s wrong? Maybe you downloaded a flashy little game and now your system doesn’t work anymore? No problem! Just choose a restore point from before the unfortunate incident, and bing-bang-boom, you are back to normal! Or at least, that’s the theory.

This isn’t a computer column, of course. But the concept of the restore point got me thinking…wouldn’t it be handy if we could do that in life? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Joe’s New Job

Posted on August 7, 2016 by RealityCheck

Joe’s employment history could be described as “spotty.” It’s not that he can’t find work; Joe is able to get hired relatively easily. He’s articulate and presents himself in an interview as being pleasant and intelligent.

However, Joe has developed a pattern of starting jobs and then soon leaving. Here’s how it goes.

Joe starts a new job with enthusiasm. Then something happens—Joe begins to perceive that people aren’t doing their jobs properly. His co-workers don’t do things right. The manager isn’t doing things right. Joe is certain that if he were in charge, everything would be much better. He should have the boss’s job! Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Can I Ruin Your Vacation?

Posted on July 31, 2016 by RealityCheck

Just to be clear, I don’t want to ruin your vacation! Nor am I asking, “May I ruin your vacation?” as in, “Will you give me permission to ruin your vacation?”

No, my question is, “Do I have the ability to ruin your vacation?”

You might wonder, “Why would she want to ruin my vacation?” I don’t, of course. However, look around. You could reasonably conclude that some folks just want to ruin somebody else’s good time. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Elevator Problem

Posted on July 24, 2016 by RealityCheck

Regardless of your occupation or your life situation, you will always find some kind of problems. So, the ability to solve problems is a valuable skill to develop.

An early step in most problem-solving processes is “define the problem.” Now, you’d think that defining the problem would be the easy part, wouldn’t you? Yet, that’s not necessarily so.

While I was researching problem-solving, I came across a video by H. Scott Fogler of the University of Michigan. He tells an elevator story that goes something like this:

Once upon a time, several floors were added to the top of a hotel. With that expansion came new elevators. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Going My Way?

Posted on July 17, 2016 by RealityCheck

Are you stressed? Most of us feel stressed some of the time. Some feel stressed all of the time.

One perception of stress is that it’s caused by things outside of us that we can’t control. Whether it’s our jobs, spouses, politicians, families, economy, or the cat, stress just goes on and on.

I came across a video presentation recently that gave me a little different perspective. I found it helpful; maybe you will, too! Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Change–Like It or Not, Part 2

Posted on July 10, 2016 by RealityCheck

According to Rick Maurer, resistance to change occurs on several levels. Last column, I indicated that one level is intellectual—“I don’t understand it.” That resistance can be addressed by providing information and engaging in logical discussions.

The second level of resistance is emotional—“I don’t like it” and it may stem from fear. Logical discussion isn’t going to help; you really need to address the fear. (More on that later.)

Maurer’s third resistance level is a more personal resistance, which can be expressed as “I don’t trust you.”

People distrust each other for plenty of reasons. Maybe I don’t trust you personally because of something that happened in the past between us. Perhaps I don’t trust you because your values are different from mine. Perhaps you’re management and I’m union. Or perhaps you’re from here, and I’m from there. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Change–Like it or Not? Part 1

Posted on July 3, 2016 by RealityCheck

If you’re a person or group promoting a change that’s being met with opposition, it can be comforting to blame the opposition on the assertion “people don’t like change.”

When you believe that you are facing resistance because other people are stubborn or unenlightened, then you don’t have to question whether there’s a problem with the specific change you are promoting. You needn’t examine why you’ve been unable to persuade. You can contentedly believe that it’s human nature to resist. It’s not you; it’s them.

In “Take Charge of Your Life,” Dr. Wm. Glasser writes, “One of the most difficult lessons to master as we struggle to create effective change is to learn not to label something as bad just because it is different from what we want.”

Whether you are the person promoting change, or the person who perceives that they are being subjected to change, it’s easy to label the other side as evil or wrong because they don’t agree with us.

However, if we accuse our dissenters of being angry, uninformed, or backward, then regardless of the merit of the change, it’s not too likely that they will ever turn into enthusiastic supporters! Continue reading →

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