Reality Check: Choices in Caring

Posted on April 8, 2018 by RealityCheck

Caring, loving, supporting, and encouraging are wonderful, positive behaviours. When we genuinely care for each other, we can improve our relationships and satisfy our need for love and belonging.

As we can only control ourselves, it’s helpful to offer our care/love/support without the expectation that others will return the favour. Does he care for me as much as I care for him? Does she love me as much as I love her? Although it’s tempting, keeping score probably won’t make a positive contribution to the relationship. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The paradoxical freedom of structure

Posted on April 1, 2018 by RealityCheck

If you’re like a lot of us, you don’t appreciate it when someone tells you what you should do. Some of us take that distaste for being “told” even further. We’ll keep our options open, even to the point where we resist telling ourselves what we need to do.

The need for freedom is one of the basic needs that Dr. Glasser identified as common to all of us. The strengths of our needs can vary. But Glasser asserts that a satisfied life requires that we satisfy those needs.

What would an unsatisfied need for freedom look like? Picture this: you’ve been looking forward to having this weekend free to go fishing. Your spouse has just “suggested” that you need to paint the guest room so your mother-in-law can visit. Bam! Did you feel that pain? That’s the pain of an unsatisfied need for freedom. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Doing our Best

Posted on March 25, 2018 by RealityCheck

What does it mean to do our best?

As I’m far from perfect, I know that the best that I can do in a given situation isn’t necessarily the best that could be done.

If “doing our best” doesn’t mean achieving perfection, then how would we assess what our best is? What do we mean when we say, “Well, at least I did my best”? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Influencers, Helpers, and Heroes

Posted on March 18, 2018 by RealityCheck

We may never know the effect of extending a small kindness. In fact, we could perform a genuinely heroic act and never learn the result. We may not even know whether anyone noticed.

Being helpful and kind is more satisfying if we choose to do it because we know it’s the right thing to do (which is under our control) rather than acting for honours or applause from others (over which we have no control.)

What “helps” are truly helpful? To answer that, it’s useful to examine the kindnesses and help we’ve received from others. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Value of Lobster

Posted on March 11, 2018 by RealityCheck

The lobster fishery has been a way of life for generations of families along the South Shore. It’s literally put food on lots of tables.

As I don’t come from fishing folk, I wasn’t aware of how the perception of the value of lobster has changed. Lobster hasn’t always been considered a treat; far from it.

Generations ago, apparently it was embarrassing for a kid to bring lobster to school for lunch. A lobster sandwich conveyed the message, “We can’t afford to buy filling for our sandwiches; we have to eat lobster.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Going My Way?

Posted on March 4, 2018 by RealityCheck

Things don’t always go my way. It’s possible that things don’t always go your way, either.

Given that’s the reality, how do we deal with it? What responses are effective when we are faced with the inevitable disappointments, perceived unfairnesses, and general misfortunes that come our way?

How we respond says something about us. Children, at least in some families, demonstrate their unhappiness with crying, stomping and tantrums. Come to think of it, there could be a few adults who demonstrate similar behaviours. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Accountability of Writing it Down

Posted on February 25, 2018 by RealityCheck

At the beginning of the year, Glasser Canada made an offer to its members. If a member provided a couple of New Year’s resolutions appropriate for display on the Glasser website, they would get 10 bucks off their next purchase.

Now, I hate to pass up a bargain, whether I need it or not. So I put some thought into what I might choose for a resolution—something that matters and that I would be truly prepared to follow through. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: We can do it!

Posted on February 18, 2018 by RealityCheck

What does encouragement look like?

Think way back and picture the poster of Rosie the Riveter. That’s one picture of encouragement—Rosie’s determined face under the slogan, “We can do it!” with her sleeves rolled up and her muscles flexed.

The goal then was to inspire an entire population to dig deep; to bring all their grit and persistence to contribute to the war effort. That is, to win.

An inspirational poster may be helpful for the mass-marketing of encouragement. But when it comes to smaller-scale encouragement—when you’re just trying to help someone out—what do you actually do? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Choosing your Worry Boundaries

Posted on February 11, 2018 by RealityCheck

Can we choose to worry? Can we choose not to worry?

If you identify yourself as a worrier, then the idea that you could choose not to worry probably sounds unrealistic. So let’s try this different, but related, question: Can we choose what we worry about?

How might it help to actively choose what we worry about? Because then we could also choose boundaries for our worry topics. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Rather Card

Posted on February 4, 2018 by RealityCheck

Even when you know that what you’re doing isn’t working well for you, it can still be hard to make a change. How about a helpful tip? Here’s one: the “Rather Card.”

How does it work? As it was originally intended for money management/impulse control, you cut out a piece of cardboard about the size of your debit or credit card. Put it in your wallet, in front of your bank card.

What’s on the card? Write the following sentence, filling in the blanks to reflect what’s important to you. Continue reading →

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