Reality Check: Is It Just Too Much?

Posted on May 28, 2017 by RealityCheck

Self-evaluation is the process of examining what we are doing and determining whether we’re moving in the direction we want. It can be helpful in many situations.

Take Bruce, who works long and hard at work and in life. He’s actively involved with his children’s activities. He wants to be a good husband and does all he can in the household. He feels responsibility for his parents and in-laws. Lots of demands pull him in different directions.

On top of this already full life, Bruce chose to enhance his career by taking a course. What’s one more thing? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Tired and Cranky, Anyone?

Posted on May 21, 2017 by RealityCheck

By the time I’d finished reading an article promoting an approach to education that I don’t happen to agree with, I felt tired and a tad cranky. I was fine before I started reading. So, what happened?

When it comes to understanding human behaviour, one of the most practical contributions of choice theory is its “behavioural car” metaphor. It’s simple, understandable, and can help us ordinary folks get a handle on how our feelings, actions and so on interact. Even better, we can use that information to take more effective control of our lives.

Here’s the idea: Just as a car has four wheels, our behaviour has four components: acting, thinking, feeling, and physiology.

And while a car travels as a unit, it’s the front wheels that determine where it’s going; the rear wheels just follow along behind. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Meltdown

Posted on May 14, 2017 by RealityCheck

A thousand miles away, my usually sunny friend—she who chooses the most positive possible interpretation of everything—had a meltdown.

It’s understandable. She’s been living with the reality of several family members diagnosed with cancers. Then, her mom took a tumble and broke a bone.

Pulled every which way and unable to do everything that needs to be done, we can feel like we’ve completely lost control. Thus, the meltdown.

And although “meltdown” is associated with women, such reactions are not confined to us sweet, delicate flowers. Reactions may be different, even when emotions are similar. What happens? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The two sides of protection

Posted on May 7, 2017 by RealityCheck

Could anyone possibly be against something named “Safe Food for Canadians”?

The recent discussion around potentially negative impacts of new food safety regulations on small food producers is a good reminder that just because something has an appealing name doesn’t mean it’s truly appealing.

Regulations, in fact—choices of any kind—seldom come without tradeoffs. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: It wasn’t what I expected

Posted on April 30, 2017 by RealityCheck

The other day, I was giving a presentation in an unfamiliar room using an unfamiliar computer. For some reason, my presentation wasn’t working quite right. While it looked more or less the way it should, the system wasn’t responding as I expected; my usual shortcuts weren’t working; things just weren’t right.

I fiddled and fussed a bit, but carried on.

During the break, one of my fine young participants gently took me aside and pointed out that I wasn’t using the software than I normally use.

Huh! Suddenly it made sense. With a few adjustments, everything was back to normal. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Out of the Ashes

Posted on April 23, 2017 by RealityCheck

When good things happen, when our needs and expectations are being met, it doesn’t take a lot of effort to feel satisfied and happy.

However, when bad things happen, we’re given the delightful and very useful gift of an opportunity to build our “resilience muscles.” (It may not feel delightful at the time.)

Among the bad things that happen in many lifetimes is the breakup of a serious relationship. Even if you are the initiator of the breakup, it’s still a loss—your hopes for this relationship are not going to come true.

If you are an unwilling participant in the breakup, you may be feeling more than loss. If you perceive that you had no control over this significant change in your life, you may have lost confidence that you can control anything. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: When you doubt yourself

Posted on April 16, 2017 by RealityCheck

While unjustified confidence can be perceived as arrogance, justifiable confidence is a positive quality. Self-doubt, for any of us, can result in a lack of enjoyment of our lives. An athlete who loses confidence can lose their enjoyment of the game.

Francesco Bazzocchi, a teacher and coach at St. Michael’s College School in Toronto, has written an account of how he uses choice theory to work with a self-doubting athlete who performs well in practice, but performs below his potential when it matters—in games.

Choice theory looks at behaviour as “total” and comprised of four components: what we are doing, what we are thinking, what we are feeling, and what’s going on with our physiology.

When Francesco asks the athlete about these total behaviour components, he uncovers differences between his pre-practice behaviour and his pre-game behaviour. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: When there’s no perfect option

Posted on April 9, 2017 by RealityCheck

Have you ever needed to make a decision, only to find that there isn’t a single perfect option among the possibilities?

That’s the usual case, isn’t it? If there were a perfect option, we’d go right ahead and choose that. There would be no decision to make!

According to Dr. Glasser’s choice theory, humans have basic needs, including a physiological need for survival. But Glasser also identified four psychological needs: belonging, fun, freedom, and power. (The power need is also referred to as self-worth or achievement, not necessarily power over anything.)

Different people have different levels of each need. One person might have a strong need for belonging; another could have a strong need for freedom. Regardless, choice theory suggests that we are motivated to satisfy those needs.

Can awareness of our needs help us make more effective decisions? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Aged and Happy

Posted on April 2, 2017 by RealityCheck

If we are fortunate, we grow old.

If we are happy and satisfied as we grow old, we are very fortunate indeed.

What contributes to being happy as we grow older?

In recent columns, I’ve concentrated on practices suggested by Dr. Joel Wade in Mastering Happiness. He discusses happy, healthy aging with reference to George Vaillant’s book, Aging Well.

Vaillant concluded from extensive studies that seven factors might just make a difference between being “happy-well” rather than “sad-sick” in later life.

Here’s the list of seven. Are there any surprises? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Happiness and Self-Responsibility

Posted on March 26, 2017 by RealityCheck

Self-responsibility. In some circles, it’s practically a dirty word.

It seems that a cold and frightening picture comes to mind for some folks when they hear that there’s a move afoot to promote self-reliance as a useful skill. It’s as if they perceive self-reliance to be the situation of a helpless infant about to be thrown out of the cradle with a bottle, a change of diaper, and a note that says, “You’re on your own. Don’t come crying to me for help.”

Now that’s harsh.

So, is it helpful or is it cruel to promote self-responsibility? Continue reading →

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