It’s probably the influence of advertising, but the word “mindfulness” for me conjures up the image of a lovely woman in a yoga pose. Waterfalls, peace, and harmony abound.
Being mindful—paying attention to the present moment—is a really helpful practice.
But maybe you are like me and have trouble envisioning yourself beside a waterfall wearing yoga pants. So let’s try a different word: “deliberate.”
What does it mean to be deliberate? Continue reading
A tool that is often suggested to help us be happier and more satisfied is the practice of gratitude. You’ve seen it recommended here and probably elsewhere, too.
It is, indeed, well and good to be grateful, count our blessings, and concentrate on what we have rather than what we don’t have.
When you are feeling down, however, it can be difficult to stir up those grateful feelings, even if you know that you’ll feel better if you do. Continue reading
Did you resolve to get more organized this year? You’re not alone. You can take control of your space, and the sales flyers that feature plastic totes and pretty boxes imply that they can help.
But whether it’s elegant bamboo bins or a bunch of cardboard boxes, empty containers seem to take on a life of their own—they instantly fill up.
That’s kind of anti-choice theory, isn’t it? Boxes don’t fill themselves. It’s not them; it’s us. Our choices fill up our lives and our spaces with things. Continue reading
You’re only one person, but I know that you play many roles. You may be a mother or a father. You may be a partner in a relationship. Each of us is, or has been, someone’s child. You may identify as a career person, a tradesperson, a caregiver, or some other kind of worker.
For some of those roles, once you have them, you have them forever. Once you’re a mom or dad, you are always a mom or dad. You can choose how much time or energy you devote to that role, but that’s part of who you are.
Other roles might seem to be fixed, but they really aren’t. For example, you might be a clerk but you could choose to be a welder. The change could be difficult; it’ll probably require a lot of work but it’s possible. To at least some degree, the work you do is a choice. Continue reading
Whenever a New Year approaches, we look ahead. We think about, dream about, and make resolutions about all the changes and improvements that we plan to make with our fresh start.
Before we get too carried away with all of those hopes and dreams to come, how about taking a look back?
One of the most effective Reality Therapy processes that I’ve used is self-evaluation. That’s when we look thoughtfully at what we’ve been doing and ask, “How’s that working for me? Do I want to continue what I’ve been doing? Or do I want to make some changes?”
So before you make your New Year’s resolutions, take a look over your shoulder. I’ll use some of Dr. Glasser’s basic needs as a guide for this backward glance. Continue reading
“A whole dollar and seventy-six cents! What an insult! I should tell them to take their money and let them know right where to put it, too!”
Whether you work for an hourly wage or a salary, receive a pension or get some other type of income, you may be among the many of us who haven’t had much of a raise in a long time. And because many of the raises that do occur are tied to the cost of living, if you are so fortunate to have received an increase, the actual dollar amount may well be pretty small, indeed.
It breaks my heart a little bit when I hear someone railing about the insult of being given a tiny increase. But that sadness isn’t related to any perceived injustice or unfairness. It’s not connected to the money at all. Continue reading
It’s the time of year when we are surrounded by pictures of celebration and joy.
There are images of beaming families who obviously love each other and probably never disagree. They sit at tables overflowing with perfectly cooked, delicious food, not a dirty dish in sight. Meanwhile, delighted children open gifts under a gloriously decorated Christmas tree. No one is disappointed. No one is in tears. Everything is perfect.
Do your celebrations work that way?
If not, you’re not alone, of course. Along with all that potential joy, there’s also the potential for significant unhappiness. Continue reading
Dinah feels exhausted every morning, even before her day gets started.
Why? She has an impossibly huge list of tasks, all conveniently stored in a jumble in her head. She thinks, “I should call that customer,” “I should pick up some groceries,” “I should write that report,” “I should take the cat to the vet,” “I should respond to those emails,” “I should…” You get the drift.
A choice theory belief is that we have basic needs, and if our needs aren’t satisfied, we’re likely not satisfied, either. One of those needs is a need for freedom.
If you perceive that your life is full of shoulds, you may also perceive that freedom is in short supply. Continue reading
Have you ever succeeded at something that was difficult for you? I suspect that you have. So, let’s try a little thought experiment.
Look back at that time, whether it was minutes ago or years ago. What were you thinking then?
Maybe it was, “I’ll never be able to do this.” Or perhaps, “If I keep working, I will succeed!”
Now, what did you think and feel when you succeeded? When people complete difficult studies, I’ve seen relief, joy, and a newfound respect for themselves. Common sentiments are, “I never thought I could do this, but I did!” or “I can do anything now!” Continue reading
