Do you know the “scolded puppy” feeling? If not, picture this: You’re in a conversation, and you perceive that you’re being criticized and misunderstood. Your opponent is using clever words and making excellent points. You have no response.
So you slink away, like a scolded puppy.
And then…10 minutes, 10 hours, or 10 days later, bam! You think of the perfect response! Too bad. It’s too late now.
Why, oh why, can’t I think of those perfect responses when I need them? Continue reading
Different people want different things. It’s a good thing too, isn’t it? Otherwise, we’d all want the same house, the same job, the same cat, and…the same mate.
Clearly, we don’t all want the same mate, but many of us do want to have one “special person” in our lives.
Dr. Glasser’s choice theory specifies love and belonging as a basic need, and a strong pair bond can go a long way toward satisfying that need. The theme of “you and me against the world” is common in poetry, music, and literature. When we’re sad, confused, and perceive that the world is treating us badly, it helps to know that someone sees us as “number 1.” Continue reading
When I dashed into the grocery store to pick up coffee that was on sale, I fully expected to find none on the shelf. Surprise! The shelf was full. There was even a sign that showed the correct sale price!
Nowhere could I see anything to indicate a limit on how many I could buy. As it was such a great deal, I wanted to get as many as allowed. I figured that might be 4, so I picked up 4 bottles and went off to the cash.
The cashier was friendly and cheerful, so as I handed over my bottles, I told her that I had assumed that 4 was the limit. She told me that there was no limit this week; I could get more if I wanted them.
Her next question really caught my attention. She laughed and asked, “Are you limiting yourself, honey?” Continue reading
We never really know what’s going on inside someone else’s head, do we? Even among the people closest to us—our friends and family—we can have misunderstandings.
For example, your friend says something you perceive to be offensive; later you realize it was intended to be a joke. You might perceive that your parent snapped at you, yet they weren’t even aware that their words came out harshly. Or you perceive that your spouse ignored you; then realize that you simply hadn’t been heard.
These sorts of misunderstandings are unfortunate. When we take action based on misunderstandings, our relationships can suffer real damage. Continue reading
Are you familiar with the joy that comes from knowing that you are making progress? I hope so. Because the satisfaction that comes with knowing that you are headed in the right direction is a powerful, motivating feeling.
Life can be discouraging. The world has troubles, and we, as individuals, have troubles. Plenty of those troubles are out of our control and as such, they are not going to respond to attempts by us to fix them.
In light of that reality, how can we maintain a perspective that enables us to carry on, doing the very best that we can?
Dr. Glasser, in his identification of basic human needs, suggested that one universal need is the need for power. Because the word “power” has so many connotations, I think that his assertion is sometimes misunderstood. Continue reading
Attempts to influence and persuade us are everywhere. Advertisements are essentially attempts to influence: Buy this product! Donate to this cause! Believe these beliefs!
Personalized ads and information are particularly persuasive. For example, if I can make my company’s ad seem to address you and your situation directly and specifically, you may be more open to buying or being influenced by it than if it’s just a general appeal.
Data mining is a technique where useful information is “mined” from sets of data. For example, the grocery retailer examines my data (spending patterns) and based on what it finds, offers me points on certain products. Continue reading
Do you remember when liking referred to having an affectionate feeling toward someone? Now, for many, “liking” means clicking a mouse on a little thumbs-up sign.
Either way, liking indicates a positive emotional response. It’s a sign of approval, support, or agreement. Liking feels good.
There are lots of people, places, things, and beliefs that surround us that we don’t really notice. They’re neutral to us, at least until something about them grabs our attention.
For example, I don’t notice the tree outside my window until an unusual bird perches on it. Then I notice, and it’s a positive notice—a liking. Or, I don’t notice the road I’m driving on until I swerve to avoid a pothole. Then I do notice it, but it’s not a liking.
How much control do you think we have over whether or not we like something? Continue reading
Many of us feel stressed. Challenges, fears, upsets, and disappointments abound. People, institutions, politicians, employers and many others don’t behave as we want them to.
A lot of those stressors are outside of our control. And even though we know that we can’t control them, we may still feel stressed by them. Plus, there’s stress from the things that we can control but just haven’t quite gotten round to controlling yet.
That’s a lot of stress.
Now, it’s common knowledge that stress is bad for us. But what if that common knowledge isn’t correct? Continue reading
There is a woodchuck in my life. He lives close enough so I see him when he emerges from his den to sprawl on his rock in the sun. He’s far enough away, and much too wary of me, to become a pest.
I’ve been observing him off and on for a couple of decades now. I call him Willie.
Yes, I know it’s not the same woodchuck that I first saw twenty years ago. Some years, Willie has the grey muzzle of maturity. Others, he’s a sleek, fresh-faced youngster – that’s Junior. Occasionally, there are offspring, indicating that it wasn’t Willie at all, but Wilhelmina. Sadly, some years, there’s no woodchuck at all. Continue reading
