Reality Check: The Value of Delayed Gratification

Posted on January 25, 2015 by RealityCheck

Would you stop drinking all sugary drinks for a year for $500? That’s the offer that one family made to their children.

You could view that as bribery. Or, you could view it as an innovative teaching method. Regardless, one son did in fact skip pop, hot chocolate, and everything else sugary for the year and collected his $500.

My immediate reaction was, “That young lad is going to become a wealthy man!” Why? Not because of the $500, though that’s a nice start. It’s because he has demonstrated that he can weigh “what I want right now” with “what I want in the future.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Value of Purpose

Posted on January 18, 2015 by RealityCheck

“I personally believe that each and every one of us was put here for a purpose; that’s to build and not destroy.”

Do you recognize those words? They came from Red Skelton—the comedian who poked fun at the pompous and self-important through gentle good humour. His characters, such as Freddy the Freeloader, always seemed to come out on top despite apparently lacking intelligence, money, or power.

Skelton commented specifically on his life’s purpose: “If by chance someday you are not feeling well and you should remember some silly little thing that I’ve said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose has been served for my fellow man.”

Skelton wasn’t just a funny man. He understood the importance of humour and its connection to his life’s purpose.

Do you wonder about your life’s purpose? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: “Should” versus “Could”

Posted on January 11, 2015 by RealityCheck

One little word sometimes makes a world of difference, doesn’t it? Some are obvious contrasts: “I love you” versus “I hate you;” or “I don’t care” versus “I do care.”

However, other small changes are not so obvious, yet have big effects. Such is the case with “could” and “should.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Recalculating

Posted on December 21, 2014 by RealityCheck

Year end is a fine time to think about the big questions of life, such as: Where do I want to go? How will I get there?

If you’re familiar with a certain brand of GPS (I call mine Martha) then you are also familiar with a matter-of-fact voice that says, “Recalculating.”

In case you haven’t experienced the joy of a GPS telling you where to go, here’s the scoop. You enter your destination into the GPS. She (or it, if you prefer) determines how to get there and tells you the first step toward that direction.

If you have the audacity to defy her instruction, perhaps because she is directing you down a muddy cow path or through a blocked detour, she notices! As you drive past where she expects you to turn, she announces, “Recalculating” and works out how to get you back on track.

What’s the choice theory connection? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Comfort, Joy, and Food

Posted on December 14, 2014 by RealityCheck

There’s a reason why some foods are called “comfort food.” Like fuzzy socks or fleecy blankets, some foods evoke feelings of being safe, cared for, and satisfied.

Whether your comfort food of choice is homemade bread, stew, or chicken pot pie, it’s remarkable that simple food can evoke such powerful feelings, isn’t it?

For some, food plays an unhealthy role as the comforter in their lives. When one gains a harmful amount of weight while losing a mountain of self-esteem with every ounce, the downside of using food as comfort can outweigh the satisfaction. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Gift of the Long View

Posted on December 7, 2014 by RealityCheck

When her credit card bill arrived last January, Jessica came face-to-face with the reality of the shopping she’d done over the previous months. She had no idea that she had spent so much!

Yet when she checked the charges, she could see they were accurate. There were some dinners out, new party clothes, Christmas gifts for her friends, family, work colleagues and acquaintances. There were some household items and some decorations that looked really nice at the time. None of the individual purchases were expensive, but it’s amazing what happens when they are added up. Wow!

Jessica concluded that she needed to make a change in her life to ensure that she would never get that kind of shock in her mail again. To get that change started, she used the four-step reality therapy approach. Simply put, she asked herself four questions: What do I want? What am I doing? How is it working? What’s my plan? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Here’s to a Satisfying Holiday

Posted on November 30, 2014 by RealityCheck

For some folks, the prospect of holidays and the expectations that come with them can evoke feelings that are closer to dread than joy. And if our perception is that others effortlessly produce perfect food, gifts, and parties while surrounded by perfectly behaved children (and spouses), that perception could add to the lack of satisfaction.
It doesn’t have to be that way. Each of us has at least some control over how our holiday season goes. If you are struggling to keep it all in perspective, here are a few suggestions.
First ask yourself, “What do I want?” This choice theory question is such a helpful starting point for many situations. Consider, “What does Christmas mean to me? What really matters to me now? What is most important for me to do? What do I really want from this time?” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Reaction Rut

Posted on November 23, 2014 by RealityCheck

If you’ve ever stubbed your toe, then you’re familiar with quick physical reactions. “Ouch!” (or other words) are almost instant responses to pain; no thought required.

Physical pain isn’t the only type of pain though, is it?

In choice theory, Dr. Glasser uses the image of a scale (a teeter-totter) to help explain how we behave. One side holds our internal sense of what we want (he calls that our quality world.) The other side holds our perception of what’s happening.

When we perceive that what we have pretty much matches what we want, the teeter-totter is balanced. We feel satisfied.

However, when we perceive an event as “not what we want;” our teeter totter gets out of balance and we feel a quick jolt of pain. Then what? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Boundaries and Disputes

Posted on November 16, 2014 by RealityCheck

Boundaries can create cause for dispute. Sometimes, however, setting a boundary can be an effective way to diffuse a dispute.
Emma has endured criticism from her mother all her life. In her youthful rush to get married and away from the stream of disapproval, Emma made an unfortunate choice of husband. Emma’s mom missed no opportunity to point out that mistake, and the criticism continued even after Emma divorced. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Satisfaction of Small Steps

Posted on November 9, 2014 by RealityCheck

Ups and downs are a part of life. When life goes well, activities tend to fall in to place; you know what you need and want to do.

It’s during those down times that it can be difficult to figure out what, if anything, to do. What do you do when you are feeling stuck?

Jason has worked at a low-skill job since high school. While he makes barely enough to get by, he still counts himself lucky, considering his friends who have no work at all. However, at this rate, he knows that he’ll never be able to afford to raise a family, own a house, or even buy a decent truck. He’s at a dead end. Continue reading →

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