Reality Check: A “Map” of Relationships

Posted on July 20, 2014 by RealityCheck

Responses to the column that asked, “Are you in the people business?” have encouraged me to take this “people business” a little further.

If (or when) you realize that you are in the “people business,” then you might find it helpful to do some analysis. That is, evaluate the quality and type of your relationships.

One useful activity is to draw a relationship map (no drawing skill required!) If you happen to already be familiar with a creativity tool called the “mind map,” you’ll see some similarities here. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Love is a Verb

Posted on July 13, 2014 by RealityCheck

How we use our words can shape our thoughts and attitudes. Love is many-splendored indeed, and we use the word “love” in many ways.

Anna says, “I’m not in love with my husband anymore. We used to be in love, but now we’re not.”

“In love” implies a state of being, much like being in trouble, or in debt, or in between jobs. It kind of implies that love is done to you; you were walking along minding your own business and zap! You found yourself in love! Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Remembering the “Why” of To-do

Posted on July 13, 2014 by RealityCheck

It’s a beautiful day. You, however, have to go to work. And mow the lawn. And take the kids to practice, the cat to the vet, and visit the in-laws.

Does it seem that your to-do list goes on and on? That you can never catch up? And there’s barely a minute that truly belongs to you? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The People Business

Posted on June 22, 2014 by RealityCheck

Are you in the “people business”? Almost certainly, the answer is… yes!

In their book, Have a Nice Conflict, Scudder, Patterson, and Mitchell assert that everyone is in the people business. There’s nary a line of work where people aren’t involved —whether you build products, greet customers, run a household, or raise a family.

Even if you accept that the people business is all-encompassing, there’s still the reasonable question: “So what?” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: So, you’re angry. Who’s in charge?

Posted on June 15, 2014 by RealityCheck

Anger, like many negative emotions, can ruin your whole day, eh? Depending on the severity, anger can leave a bad taste for weeks, months, or even a whole lifetime.

It may be tempting to believe that we can’t control our anger. Everyone understands this statement: “He (or she) makes me so mad!” The implication is that other people can control our emotions; they can literally “make” us mad. Is it really true? Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Entertaining Options

Posted on June 8, 2014 by RealityCheck

Are there actions in your life that you do mindlessly? For example, when you sit down to watch TV, do you choose the program? Or do you sit in front of whatever happens to be on, perhaps complaining (verbally or silently), “There’s nothing worth watching…”

A key process in reality therapy is self-evaluation. That is, look at what you are doing and ask yourself, “How is this working for me? Is it getting me what I want and need? Is it bringing me closer to the people I love? Is it aligning me more closely with my values?”

Those might sound like pretty heavy questions for a little mindless relaxation! Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Offer of Information

Posted on June 1, 2014 by RealityCheck

A choice theory premise is that we can’t control other people; however, we can offer information. Someone who accepts information might learn a new fact, be persuaded to make a decision, or be influenced to act differently.

Fundamentally, though, what we offer is just information. The person on the receiving end chooses to use it or not. They have the power to listen to it, act on it, reject it, or ignore it. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: The Gift in the Event

Posted on May 25, 2014 by RealityCheck

Bad things can happen to anyone. While we can take action to try to prevent some bad things by driving cautiously, choosing friends carefully, eating reasonably, the reality is that many events are completely beyond our control.

We do have some control, however, over how we respond to events. You’ve probably witnessed different people reacting quite differently to the same bad event. While one person remains completely devastated, another emerges apparently unscathed.

Let’s look at Bea and Dee. Both have disentangled themselves from equally difficult relationships. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Strong, Wise, or Stubborn?

Posted on May 18, 2014 by RealityCheck

Bob’s the kind of guy who always seems to know what to do and is always ready to lend a hand. He’s strong, capable, and independent.

Then, Bob had a heart attack.

Did that change Bob’s life? Well, the doctors told him to slow down and take it easy. They warned him about overdoing himself. His wife warned him. His children warned him.

But what’s Bob do? Hang around and wait for somebody else to shovel the driveway, mow the lawn, rake the leaves? There’s work to be done! Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Own It!

Posted on May 11, 2014 by RealityCheck

Have you heard any white lies lately? Maybe even told one or two of your own? We sometimes tell tiny falsehoods to avoid hurt feelings; fibs intended to be virtuous, not evil.

However, just because we have positive intent with our white lie doesn’t mean it will bring a positive result.

Wilson wants to avoid the family reunion. He has little in common with the extended family. He’s forced to overeat. It’s boring. Basically, he just doesn’t want to go.   Continue reading →

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