Reality Check: Lots on your Plate?

Posted on November 2, 2014 by RealityCheck

Busy, busy, busy. Ask most anyone how they are doing and you’ll often hear, “I’m so busy!”

What are some potential consequences of that busy-ness?

Harriet cares for a very sick child, looks after an elderly aunt, and has a myriad of other responsibilities. She’s busy. She’s also worried, sad, and lonely.

Yvonne, Harriet’s friend, is aware of Harriet’s busy-ness and doesn’t want to add to her burden. So she doesn’t call Harriet and trouble her with the events of her life. Yvonne does inquire after Harriet from their mutual acquaintances, and everyone is very sympathetic. “Yes, it’s an awful situation. And she’s so busy.” Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Power in Retirement

Posted on October 26, 2014 by RealityCheck

Among other needs, Dr. Wm. Glasser asserts that we all have a basic need for power. Before you get too excited and protest that you have no such need, let’s explore what that power need might look like.

If you have an opinion that’s important to you, would you like other people to listen respectfully? When you enter a restaurant, would you like someone to acknowledge your presence? When you’ve worked hard and accomplished a difficult task, would you like to hear, “Great job!”?

Those are examples of this very basic need—acknowledgement that you matter, you have value, you count. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: More Retirement Planning

Posted on October 19, 2014 by RealityCheck

Whether you are looking forward to retirement with delight or trepidation, planning can help. While financial planning can help satisfy your need for survival, it’s also important to consider other needs.

Last column, I suggested finding ways to satisfy your love and belonging need. After all, in retirement, you’ll no longer enjoy all that love and belonging that you used to get at work!

We have other needs too: for freedom, fun, and power.

When you dance out the door of your workplace that last time, your freedom need may feel delightfully satisfied. However, that could be a temporary feeling unless you ensure that this new “free” time doesn’t rapidly disappear. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Retirement Planning

Posted on October 12, 2014 by RealityCheck

Retirement planning is often associated with money. You already know that money isn’t everything, so let’s try looking at retirement planning from a choice theory perspective.

According to choice theory, we all have a set of basic needs: survival, love & belonging, power, freedom, and fun. For a satisfying life, we need some level of satisfaction of each of those needs.

Many retirement planning discussions focus on what is essentially the survival need—how to ensure enough money and a roof over your head. This column will focus on one of the other needs: love & belonging. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: More Encouragement

Posted on October 5, 2014 by RealityCheck

Last post, I suggested that honesty is an important characteristic of effective encouragement. When offering encouragement, ask yourself, “Do I believe the encouraging words I am about to say, or are they just “feel-good” words and wishful thinking?”

If your encouragement is based on facts and experience, then say so. For example, “I know that you can succeed at this challenge because you have already overcome greater challenges.” Such honest, fact-based encouragement can be powerful.

Why, then, is encouragement sometimes ineffective? Perhaps the encouragement offered is really something else in disguise, as in the following examples. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: An Encouraging Word

Posted on October 5, 2014 by RealityCheck

The act of offering sincere encouragement can be as satisfying for you as it is helpful for the person being encouraged. Encouragement feels good. Encouragement can be motivational. Encouragement can be the key to a win-win in many areas of life, whether it’s work, school, or family.

With all those positive effects, encouragement is a useful skill to develop!

You’ll notice that I said, “skill to develop.” Doesn’t everyone know what encouragement is and how to give it? Surprisingly not. Continue reading →

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Reality check: Forgetfulness Choices

Posted on September 21, 2014 by RealityCheck

When we met to catch up, my friend realized that she had forgotten to bring her pictures. Discussing those pictures was the main reason for our get-together.

But we didn’t have them and it wasn’t practical to go get them. The point of our meeting that day wouldn’t be fulfilled and there was nothing to do about it.

How do you react when you’ve forgotten something?

Forgetfulness can be aggravating, frustrating, even frightening if you take it as a sign of things to come.

Let’s examine those choices again, using different words.

Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Worried about becoming my dad (or mom) syndrome?

Posted on September 14, 2014 by RealityCheck

It seems that marketers will do anything to convince us that their product is the one for us. (Sounds like I’m choosing skepticism, eh?)

Just for fun, picture this as your problem: You’re trying to market a product to young men. The product is basically the same product that their fathers and grandfathers use. How would you make it appealing?

As most young men don’t choose products by deciding, “I’ll buy that brand because my old man uses it,” a men’s grooming company surveyed young men to measure concern about “becoming my dad.” They even have a quiz! (You can do it online). It suggests that their product can protect you from the danger of becoming like your dad.

Continue reading →

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Reality Check: Fluffy, Revisited

Posted on August 31, 2014 by RealityCheck

A few posts ago, I presented this classic quandary: Is it appropriate to deceive someone if you believe the deception is kinder than the truth?

Here’s the scenario: Maria’s beloved cat, Fluffy, went missing. Maria responded to the reality of not knowing Fluffy’s whereabouts with distress. Wanting to reduce his wife’s misery, Martin was torn—should he deceive her into believing that Fluffy was found and buried? Or should he stick to the truth: Fluffy is missing, whereabouts unknown?

You know, of course, that I don’t tell anyone what they should do; I only offer information! So here are two general principles that you may find helpful when faced with tough decisions. Continue reading →

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Reality Check: What does respect look like?

Posted on August 24, 2014 by RealityCheck

Communication is interesting. We come up with ideas—essentially pictures in our minds—that we want to communicate. Then we use words to share those ideas.
We tend to assume that everybody understands words the same way. Take the word “respect.” My understanding of respect may be the same as yours. Then again, it may be quite different!
I think that’s why some wise folks, Dr. Wm. Glasser among them, suggest that we base our understanding of others on what they do, rather than on what they say. Actions can indeed speak louder (and more clearly) than words.
But words are what I have here, so I will do my best to use them to explore the meaning of respect. Continue reading →

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